Season 1: Foundations of Connection

Title: Spotting the Tiny Moments that Build Love

Bids for connection are the tiny invitations we send our partner every day — a glance, a sigh, a question, a playful comment. In this episode, Angela explains how recognizing and responding to those small moments can transform the emotional climate of a relationship.

Drawing from Gottman Method research and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), you’ll learn how to identify bids, understand the attachment needs beneath them, and turn toward your partner in ways that build lasting safety, trust, and laughter.

What You’ll Learn

• What “bids for connection” actually are and why they matter.
• The three ways partners respond: turn toward, turn away, or turn against.
• How EFT reveals the deeper emotional needs hidden inside everyday bids.
• Why missed bids create distance — and how to repair them quickly.
• Real-life, funny story: “The Great Laundry Debate” and how a couple turned frustration into playfulness.
• Simple rituals and daily habits that strengthen emotional safety.

Key Takeaways

• Love lives in the small moments. Turning toward a bid — even with a smile or a nod — says “I see you.”
• Emotions are attachment signals. Under every bid is a need: “Can I count on you?”
• Secure connection isn’t perfection. It’s noticing, repairing, and reaching back again.
• Humour helps. Shared laughter can become a ritual of connection all by itself.

Relationship Reset Challenge

This week, catch two bids a day and respond. Pause before defaulting to distraction, and intentionally turn toward instead. Before bed, reflect together:

“When did we connect today?” “When did we miss each other’s bids?”

Tiny awareness → big change.

Try This at Home

1. Create a short ritual of connection — a morning hug, an end-of-day check-in, or a nightly “good things” share.
2. Replace “What?” with “Tell me more.”
3. If you miss a bid, say, “I think I missed you earlier—can we try again?”

Favorite Quote

“Turning toward doesn’t require perfect timing or long talks—it just requires presence.” — Angela Kingma

Resources Mentioned

• John & Julie Gottman, The Relationship Cure — definitive guide to bids for connection.
• Dr. Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight — Emotion-Focused Therapy for couples.
• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com

Couple Confession Highlight

“The Great Laundry Debate” — a playful, real-life example of how one couple turned a Saturday-morning chore war into a laughter-filled ritual that brought them closer. Proof that turning toward each other is more important than folding towels the ‘right’ way.

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend who could use a little reminder that love grows in tiny moments. Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Next Episode

Episode 4 – The Magic 5 Hours a Week: How five intentional hours can radically improve your relationship — and how to find them without adding stress to your week.

Presented by Angela Kingma

Edited by Tayte McHugh