In this episode of The Clearing, Matt and Karl explore the simple question that often isn’t simple at all: “How are you?”

Drawing on Karl’s work with men living with chronic pain and their own experiences in men’s gatherings, they unpack how rarely men truly check in — with themselves, with partners, with friends, and with their wider community. So often the exchange stops at “I’m fine”, and the conversation moves on.

This episode looks at what happens when we go a little further.

Matt and Karl talk about:

• Why many men struggle to communicate what’s really going on

• The difference between a surface check-in and a meaningful one

• When it is (and isn’t) the right time to go deeper

• How structured check-ins work in gatherings and circles

• The role of listening, space, and simple curiosity

• Checking in with partners, colleagues, and ourselves

They share practical examples from The Clearing, including the P.I.E.S. framework (psychological/physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual), and reflect on how speaking things out loud — even briefly — can bring clarity, relief, and connection.

The conversation also touches on the quiet ways men signal that something isn’t right, the tendency to protect others by staying silent, and how small, honest moments of inquiry can open the door to something more real.

This is Part 1 of a two-part exploration. In the next episode, Matt and Karl turn the lens inward and check in with themselves.

An invitation to pause. To ask a better question. And to listen for the answer beneath “I’m fine.”

These podcasts are an invitation to reflect, not a set of answers.

We would love to know if this resonates with you - what is your response when someone asks "How are you?" Do you "check in" with your mates? And how might you do this to dive a little deeper?

Email us at matt@theclearing.life

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