We are The Almost Experts — and this episode is… exactly what you’d expect from us: unhinged, oddly heartfelt, and somehow productive.

We start with technical difficulties (because of course), then immediately pivot into: dead mom jacket lore (with a tissue in the pocket that will never be removed), being sick AGAIN, and our very serious TV take of the week: we do not want to watch ugly people have sex. Respectfully.

From there we get into:

• Who the hottest actors are (14-year-old us vs current us)

• American Horror Story trauma (pointy… chrome… thing included)

• Germany travel countdown + nail salon chaos

• The internet’s obsession with the Jon Hamm trend

• Bonnie Blue getting arrested (and our complicated feminist thoughts)

• Taylor Swift surprise-dropping Rep TV like the billionaire menace she is

• Zach Brown Band at the Sphere doing… demonic underworld visuals?? (Chicken Fried?? hello??)

• Anxiety mornings, flight turbulence, and saving Xanax for the flights that get weird

• Why cats are better than dogs (and why Whiskey is basically a soulmate)

• High-person thoughts without being high (aka: do we all see colors the same?)

• Being an NPC, time-traveling, and the MC Hammer concert lore we didn’t know we needed

• Holding your nail tech’s hand by accident (because it’s intimate, okay??)

• The unsettling “hot Christian TikTok guy” and the fake baby doll moms of the internet

• And yes… the return of sperm eyebrows + the camo puff vest/tank top combo (pray for us) (Picture of Morgan's Eyebrows on IG Highlights haha)

Also: shoutout to Fusion Home Loans — getting deals done, making it happen, and somehow still having a good time while doing it.

✅ Don’t forget to follow, like, subscribe, and enter the giveaway (we’re posting more of what’s in the box so you actually want it 😂).