Would you speak to the people you love the way you speak to yourself?

I ask that question in coaching and it stops almost everyone. The answer is almost always no. We give the people we love patience and context and the benefit of the doubt, then we turn on ourselves with a voice we would never let anyone use on a friend.

That is what the First Agreement is really about. When I first read Be impeccable with your word I thought Ruiz was talking about honesty. He is talking about something much bigger.

In this episode

• Why your word is the most powerful tool you own, and why most of us point it inward.
• Every belief you hold was planted by a word. A parent, a teacher, a throwaway comment that landed at the wrong moment.
• Gossip as emotional poison, including the version we run silently about ourselves.
• Clarity is kindness. Being impeccable is not about being nice, it is about saying the true thing cleanly.
• What changes in a relationship when one person stops using language as a weapon.

One thing to try this week

Write down the exact sentence your inner critic uses most. The actual words. Then read it out loud as if you were saying it to someone you love. Notice what happens in your body.

Links

• Read the full essay: The Word as Weapon or Wand on Substack
• Free two-page cheat sheet for this episode: fouragreements.8notes.co.uk
• On Instagram, comment or DM the word WORD and the cheat sheet comes straight to you.
• Episode 01, The Dream We Didn't Choose, is the foundation for this one. Worth starting there if you haven't.
• Join the 8Notes waiting list: waitlist.8notes.co.uk

The book

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by don Miguel Ruiz (Amber-Allen, 1997). Everything here is my reading of it. Go and get the book.

The 8Notes Reading Room is a podcast about the books that change how we think about being human. Written and hosted by Adrian Melrose. More at 8notes.co.uk.