A former New York City Ballet principal dancer opens up about the fear underneath the joy of expecting his first child. Chase Finlay talks with Tony Cooper about the perfectionism that carried him from a childhood ballet studio to the world's biggest stages, and why that same drive could work against him as a father. They cover the difference between performing for approval and living in alignment, why presence stops time with your kids, and how recovery and honest relationships taught him to become his own cavalry instead of waiting to be rescued. Chase also shares his intentions for his baby shower, his hopes to raise a daughter free to imagine, and the advice he's giving himself for the first months of fatherhood.

Key Takeaways

• Perfectionism can build a career and also work against you as a father if left unchecked
• The external pursuit of validation can be fulfilling, but internal alignment creates lasting fulfillment
• Recovery and a healthy relationship helped reframe self-reliance: "I'm the cavalry"
• Presence is the antidote to feeling like time with your kids moves too fast
• Play is a child's domain, and imagination is worth protecting from screens and self-consciousness
• Doing your own personal work before becoming a parent is a gift you give your children
• A baby shower can be a celebration of the work both partners did on themselves, not just the baby
• Being a firm, present, aware foundation for your partner matters as much as showing up physically

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

00:00 Cold open
00:29 Meet Chase Finlay
01:19 30 weeks into pregnancy
01:35 Abundance and joy in pregnancy
02:30 Fear of not being good enough
03:24 Wanting everything to be perfect
04:11 The evidence he'll be a great dad
05:03 Chase's ballet career begins
06:41 Principal dancer by 19
07:32 External pursuit vs internal journey
09:07 How he discovered dance
11:40 Athletic and artistic, not fitting a box
13:18 Tony's son finds DJing
15:23 Watching your kid arrive at themselves
17:24 Being flexible, not predicting the future
18:13 Perfectionism: great for dance, risky for dad
19:31 Living aligned with authenticity
20:29 The shift from performing to real recovery
21:14 Becoming his own cavalry
22:19 Substance abuse and hitting bottom
23:00 His wife calling him on his bullshit
24:20 Alignment resolves inner conflict
26:11 Doing the work before kids arrive
27:27 His vision: presence as his top value
29:28 Be what you want your kid to become
30:07 Presence stops time
32:30 Wanting to rebuild play and imagination
34:22 What joy means to him now
36:16 Planning the baby shower
39:11 Celebrating the work, not just the baby
40:08 Advice to himself for the first months
41:13 Closing thoughts