In Episode 144 of the Married and Connected podcast, host Kameran Alareqi sits down with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst to unpack the startling truth about men, boys, and emotional suppression.

With nearly 50 years of experience, Dr. Vanderhorst explains how boys are socialized from infancy to narrow their emotional range and "swallow" their feelings—and how that childhood conditioning directly impacts your marriage today. We cover everything from the preschool phenomenon of emotional boundaries to shedding the "sticky notes" of childhood trauma that don't belong to you. Whether you are 35 or 95, this episode proves it is never too late to grow, expand your emotional vocabulary, and rebuild intimacy in your relationship.

In This Episode, We Cover:

• The Preschool Phenomenon: Why male and female teachers react entirely differently to little boys’ emotional and physical boundaries.
• The Broken Collarbone Story: A powerful example of how society teaches young boys to suppress pain and swallow their feelings.
• The Marital Disconnect: Why men excel at complex workplace problem-solving but shut down when faced with emotional problem-solving at home.
• Curiosity vs. Judgment: Why asking "Why do you do it that way?" is actually threatening to your partner, and how to use statements like "Tell me more" to foster real connection.
• The "Feeling Sheet" Strategy: How placing a simple vocabulary list on your kitchen table can help toddlers, dismissive teenagers, and grown adults identify complex emotions.
• Shedding Your Sticky Notes: How to use Dr. Vanderhorst's interactive journals to peel off the burdens and childhood injuries that aren't yours to carry.

Key Takeaways & Quotes:

• "One cannot lead down a path that they have never been allowed to walk."
• "Men swallow feelings... If you express them, you've released it. If you don't express it, you're holding it someplace."
• "We have all these sticky notes on us and they don't belong to us. We need to start taking them off and letting them drop."

Mentioned in this Episode:

• Website: Visit www.drvanderhorst.com for resources, therapy videos, and to download the free "List of Feelings" sheet.
• Books: Read, Reflect, Respond and her newest interactive journal, Return, Revisit, Renew (Available on Amazon and local bookstores).
• Upcoming Book: How to Not F Up Being a Father
• Social Media: Follow Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst on Facebook- gloria.vanderhorst.7, LinkedIn- gloria-vanderhorst ph-d-730826b/ , and TikTok!
  
  

Work with Kameran: Ready to bridge the emotional gap in your marriage? Kameran is currently accepting new couples! If you want to learn how to communicate effectively, build vulnerability, and shed the childhood baggage holding your relationship back, book your coaching spot today. (Note: There are currently only 3 spots available!)

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