Today I'm sharing a simple two-question practice that will change the way you lead, the way you show up, and your results. I counsel my clients to ask themselves these two questions before every single meeting, and it works.

The first question is: What are my expectations? Oftentimes you have low-key expectations you don't even know about, and this question is about unearthing them and bringing them to the conscious level. Maybe your expectations are too high, or maybe you're painting the worst possible scenario and gathering bits of gossip that confirm your bias that things will go wrong. This type of thing can lead you to walking into conversations under stress and with a defensive approach before it's even started.

I share one of the deepest lessons of my life around this topic in this episode. For decades I held expectations for certain people about how they would treat me and show up for me, and I fell into despair every time those expectations weren't met. My healing required me to accept that if I kept holding expectations for people who can't deliver, that's on me, not them. We absolutely get to have standards, and the difference is being clear about who can meet our expectations and who can not.

The second question is: How do I want to define success for this particular meeting? The key is defining it purely by what you're in control of, regardless of how people respond or what the outcome is. Maybe success is showing up with an open mind. Maybe it's slowing your pace and truly listening. Pick one to three things, and after the meeting, celebrate what you delivered on, even if it's just one. Then pay attention to what changed, because we spend so much time on what disappointed us that we never ask what worked, and that's exactly what lets you replicate success more often.

Episode Highlights:

• The two questions to ask yourself before every meeting or one-on-one.
• Why unconscious expectations drive stress, defensiveness, and self-fulfilling worst-case scenarios.
• The hardest lesson: holding expectations for people who can't deliver is actually our problem, not theirs.
• Why attaching to one outcome can block something greater from coming through.
• How to define success by what you control: openness, pacing, presence.
• Celebrating small wins is a critical part of the process.

Quotables:

• [00:05:03 - 00:05:22] "If we keep holding expectations for people that can't deliver, that's on us. It's not on them."
• [00:11:41 - 00:11:54] "We are usually so focused on the outcome that we're not focused on who we're being in the pursuit of."
• [00:03:26 - 00:03:37] "If our energy is so stuck on this one pathway and this one result, then we may be missing out on what else is possible."

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Theme music by Adrian DiMatteo: https://adriandimatteo.com

Editing by: Starlin Media