Just when you thought it was safe to vote again, he's baaaccck! Yes, while we're in the midst of a second Donald Trump term, Elton read a book about the first, and whoa was it an eye opener. Join Elton as he headaches his way through how we all got here in the first place. It's going to be a bizarre journey into the heart of frustration, with a cast of ridiculous characters to help you not wish the next four years, were forty years in the past already.

GET THE BOOK: American Carnage: On the Front Lines of the Republican Civil War and the Rise of President Trump

BECOME AN Elton Reads A Book A Week CONTRIBUTOR HERE:

⁠Elton Reads A Book A Week Patreon⁠

⁠Tips!⁠

⁠SOCIAL MEDIA!⁠ This is the LINK TREE!

EMAIL: eltonreadsabookaweek@gmail.com

The following section is reserved for the people, places, things, and more that Elton probably offended in this episode--

THE APOLOGIES SECTION: The non-racists, The Dukes of Hazzard, voters, whiffle ball pros, George Washington's desiccated corpse, Washington reporters, etc.

A special thanks to Diedrich Bader and Jenna Fischer for all their inspiration.

This is my first ever "Short-isode", a shorter format episode that I did quickly. Please forgive me.

Okay, okay, I'm behind. I tried to to reach for the sun and got burned. Luckily, I managed to get this together, so all hope is not lost. I promise I'll do better next time. Until then, this peace offering about weird taxes, and weird political promises, plus MUSIC!

The next full episode about the book "American Carnage" by Tim Alberta, will be up very soon.

Here are the lyrics to the song "American Carnage" (American decay):

"From the ashes of Bush, the ratings slung low, Obama rose up, and stole the whole show G-O-P party's in ruins, no vision, no fight Their base fell asleep and has been there all night.

[PRE-CHORUS] Bombs away, by progress on display, Change hit the right like a brick to the face. Factions at war, blood on the walls, A billonaire bullshitter grabbed them by the balls

[CHORUS] American Carnage, for American decay, Marching to the edge, to throw it all away American Carnage, it’s a G-O-P ride No place to run—no place to hide.

[VERSE] Jordan and Cruz on absolutist fire, Boehner and Mitch try to hold the line. Coups and clashes, the rhetoric like acid, That's it! Impotence grew, and the base got flaccid.

[PRE-CHORUS] Bombs away, on progress on display, Change hit the right, like a brick to the face. Factions at war, blood on the walls, A billonaire bullshitter grabbed them by the balls

[VERSE] On a golden escalator, came a golden clown, He tore them to shit, and burned their house down. Trillion-dollar debt for a nationalist jerk-off, Morals and family values are sold off

[CHORUS] American Carnage, for American decay, Marching to the edge, to throw it all away American Carnage, it’s a G-O-P ride No place to run—no place to hide.

[BRIDGE] Muslim bans, walls, and the families torn, The old guard’s dead, now the new breed’s born. Cultural shifts, tech disrupts, America’s soul ripped and fucked up.

[BREAKDOWN] How did we get here? Do we survive? Is this a death rattle, Are we alive? Decades of division, resentment, and greed, The roots of the party now strangled by sleaze.

[CHORUS] American Carnage, for American decay, Marching to the edge, to throw it all away American Carnage, it’s a G-O-P ride No place to run—no place to hide.

[OUTRO] It’s American Carnage, (AMERICAN CARNAGE!) Our American Carnage (AMERICAN CARNAGE!) We won't get very far with...(AMERICAN CARNAGE!) We'll all have to live with...(AMERICAN CARNAGE!)"

APOLOGIES SECTION (The following section is reserved to apologize to the numerous people, places, and things Elton offended in this episode.): Oral sex, punk rock, elephants, people expecting whole episodes, people who dislike unintelligible lyrics in songs, etc.

A special thanks to Jenna Fischer and Diedrich Bader

Dating in the age of the internet is a weird endeavor. All of the indulgence of endless choices, and the anxiety of communicating with people rolled into one. What's a single person to do? Luckily, comedian Aziz Ansari wrote a book about it and Elton is here to talk about it. Does that help you find that special someone in this sea of misfit toys? Maybe? Elton's no "love doctor," but he is awkward enough for everyone involved. Listen to this episode and get a wild ride through modern dating, and some tips on how to improve your odds!

GET THE BOOK HERE!--> Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari

BECOME AN Elton Reads A Book A Week CONTRIBUTOR HERE:

Elton Reads A Book A Week Patreon

Tips!

SOCIAL MEDIA! https://linktr.ee/EltonReadsABookAWeek

EMAIL: eltonreadsabookaweek@gmail.com

The following section is reserved for the people, places, things, and more that Elton probably offended in this episode--

THE APOLOGIES SECTION: The LGBTQ+ community, mouth fingering fetishists, the English language, sociologists, dating, God, people living in apartment buildings, etc.

A special thanks to Diedrich Bader and Jenna Fischer for all their inspiration.

Okay, so, I got a little overzealous with my first attempt at this trailer...and I uploaded it without making sure everything was up to snuff. So, I'm re-doing it. Not gonna lie, it's not the first time I've released prematurely, and it won't be the last, I'm sure.

God, himself, announced her birth, with a lightning bolt and a peal of thunder,...and that's just a footnote. Bette Davis would redefine what it was to be an actress, and an actor overall. She was tough, determined, and principled at a time when men laid down the law in Hollywood. When she took her stand, women were seen as little more than eye candy, and using them to make a quick buck ruled the day. Bette was having none of that.

From her earliest beginnings to her last days, Bette Davis knew she was special, and she was determined to let the world know it. Sure, we're familiar with that personality type, but Bette had the talent and drive to back it up. Confident, opinionated, and never afraid to fight for what she felt was right, Bette changed how actors saw themselves and their profession.

She slapped around Hollywood, and walked away an icon. Join Elton as he tries to navigate the early life of the amazing Bette Davis, and trying his best not to crap his pants in the process.

GET THE BOOK HERE! https://amzn.to/3LdHS2B

BECOME AN Elton Reads A Book A Week CONTRIBUTOR HERE:

https://www.patreon.com/eltonreadsabookaweek

https://anchor.fm/elton-reads-a-book-a-week

SOCIALS: https://linktr.ee/EltonReadsABookAWeek

EMAIL: eltonreadsabookaweek@gmail.com

VOTE FOR THE STREET SWEEPER NAME (not "Police Brutality", sadly) HERE! https://lowellma.gov/CivicAlerts.aspx?AID=853

The following section is reserved for the people, places, things, and more that Elton probably offended in this episode--

THE APOLOGIES SECTION: Lowell, Massachusetts, Christmas pranks, the English language, World War II, God, the Lowell Massachusetts City Council, burn victims (specifically children), incarcerated fathers, etc.

A special thanks to Diedrich Bader and Jenna Fischer for all their inspiration.

Buckle Up for Laughs & Feels! Elton Reads "Friends, Lovers & the Big Terrible Thing," well, "has read" and will tell you about it!

This one is a doozy. Hold onto your coffee mugs, "Friends" fans, you're about to get rocked with some tragi-comedy! Elton tackles Matthew Perry's memoir, "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing," on Elton Reads A Book A Week. Was Chandler funny IRL? Did Matthew Perry steal Elton's woman? How many Vicodin is a lot? We uncover the life of Matthew Perry, and delve into overcoming addiction with humor, and ask: is Chandler more like Matthew than we thought? Tune in for a must-listen episode! #Friends #MatthewPerry #ComedyPodcast #MemoirReview #EltonReadsABookAWeek

GET THE BOOK HERE: https://amzn.to/3WJ9kfK

BECOME AN Elton Reads A Book A Week CONTRIBUTOR HERE:

https://www.patreon.com/eltonreadsabookaweek

https://anchor.fm/elton-reads-a-book-a-week

SOCIALS: https://linktr.ee/EltonReadsABookAWeek

EMAIL: eltonreadsabookaweek@gmail.com

[[[NOTE: My description of 'Friends' is almost entirely from this article: https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20190920-friends-the-show-that-changed-our-idea-of-family]]]

SOURCES:

Vicodin

55 Vicodin

Matty's Lost Teeth

Giving up tennis

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2023/oct/29/alcoholic-troubled-life-matthew-perry-addicted-substance

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Perry

APOLOGIES SECTION: Elton would like to apologize to the following people/places/things: The citizens of Williamstown, MA, the aftershave industry, internet pornography, the porn industry, people with addiction, Justin Trudeau, Canada, Ottawa, Queen Victoria, Van Gogh, John Bennett Perry, Suzanne Marie Morrison, and anyone/anything/any place not already mentioned.

A special thanks to Jenna Fischer and Diedrich Bader

Grumpy Genius? Hilarious Curmudgeon? You Decide! We Dissect Andy Rooney

Ever wonder what goes through the mind of a 70-year-old man with a microphone? This week on Elton Reads A Book A Week, we delve into the life, career, and written word of the iconic (and sometimes infamous) Andy Rooney.

Through the exploration of his book "A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney" we'll get to the bottom of questions like: Was he a grumpy genius who held a mirror to society's quirks? Or a hilarious curmudgeon who made us laugh at the absurdity of the everyday?

Join us as we unpack:

• Rooney's Rise to Fame: From WWII reporter to newspaper writer to "60 Minutes" curmudgeon, we explore his unlikely path to superstardom.
• The Power of the Postscript: We dissect Rooney's signature segment and analyze its enduring comedic appeal.
• Love Him or Hate Him? The Legacy of Andy Rooney: We debate his impact on journalism and comedy, and ask: is his brand of humor still relevant today?

Prepare for laugh-out-loud moments, insightful commentary, and a healthy dose of nostalgia. This episode is perfect for anyone who remembers tuning in for Rooney's signature sign-off, or anyone who simply enjoys a good rant (or ten).

So, grab your pipe and slippers, and get ready to reminisce about the man who wasn't afraid to tell it like it is!

Plus, special guest Lemon McNally joins Elton to deliver a closing monologue called "Whiskey!"

GET THE BOOK HERE: A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney by Andrew A. Rooney

CONTRIBUTE HERE:

Elton Reads A Book A Week Patreon

SOCIALS: All the social media links here!

EMAIL: eltonreadsabookaweek@gmail.com

[[[[FOR SOURCES JUST EMAIL AND ASK]]]]

MUSIC: "Apero Hour", "Backbay Lounge", "Intractable", "No Good Layabout"

Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

[APOLOGIES SECTION] Elton would like to apologize to the following people, places, and things: Albany, NY, newborns, WWII veterans, unicorns, leprechauns, special needs folks, Haagen Daz...again, and everyone and everything else I might have missed.

A special thanks to: Jenna Fischer and Diedrich Bader.