In this episode of Between Two Psychs, we explore one of the most essential aspects of classroom life: Bonding and Attunement.

We look at why relationships come before learning, how children “borrow” our nervous systems, and the practical ways we can help students move from emotional overwhelm into the calm, thinking brain.

Drawing on attachment theory, polyvagal theory, developmental psychology, and real school examples, we break down what bonding and attunement look like in practice and why they matter now more than ever.

What We Cover

1. Why Relationships Matter

• How we, as teachers and adults, often become key attachment figures

• Why secure relationships help children feel safe enough to learn

• Why relational practice is vital in today’s education landscape

2. Brains & Learning

• A clear explanation of polyvagal theory

• How the emotional and thinking brain interact

• What the amygdala, insula, and cingulate do during stress

• Why many children sit in emotional mode longer than we think

3. Attunement Skills

• How to see behaviour as communication

• How to tune into the message behind behaviour

• Why naming emotions builds trust and internal templates

• Why curiosity strengthens connection

4. Building Bonds

• How bonding differs from attunement

• Why we work with “connection before correction”

• How low-demand, shared moments help students trust us

• Why shared experiences strengthen classroom relationships

Key Ideas We Discuss

• Attachment theory

• Polyvagal theory

• Co-regulation & self-regulation

• PACE model

• Transference & counter-transference

• Carl Rogers’ relational principles

• Mirroring, matching & pacing

• Motivational Interviewing (OARS)

Why This Episode Matters

Learning can only happen when children feel safe, calm, connected, and understood.

When we prioritise relationships, we make learning possible.
This episode shows why relational practice isn’t optional, it’s foundational.

Connect with Mike Lane

Website: https://www.ridgewaypsychology.co.uk/
LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/michael-lane-4304a3123

Connect with Me
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Website: https://www.dradammccartney.com/
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