What if the behavior you’re calling defiance isn’t defiance at all?

In this episode of Breaking Up With Toxicity, licensed mental health counselor Maria Shkreli breaks down one of the most misunderstood dynamics in parenting: the difference between true defiance and deep insecurity in kids and teens.

You’ll learn why so many children are punished for fear, shame, and overwhelm — and how mislabeling insecurity as defiance quietly damages trust, communication, and emotional safety. Maria explains what defiance actually is, what insecurity looks like at different developmental stages, how behavior changes from childhood into adolescence, and why teens often mask fear with anger, attitude, or withdrawal.

With real-life examples straight from clinical work, this episode challenges common parenting myths and offers a clearer lens for understanding difficult behavior without excusing it. If you’ve ever felt stuck in power struggles, confused by your child’s reactions, or unsure whether discipline is helping or hurting, this episode is for you.

Because not every child who pushes back is defiant — sometimes they’re just afraid and don’t know how to say it.

Awareness is where change begins.

View the pdf here: "They're Not Defiant" pdf.

Disclaimer:

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, diagnosis, or individualized mental health treatment. Listening does not establish a therapist–client relationship. Examples discussed are illustrative and not diagnostic. If you have concerns about a child’s behavior or emotional wellbeing, consult a qualified mental health professional.