“My biggest hater gave birth to me.”

When I came across Ali Lohman's Instagram posts about the years she spent trying not to go no contact with her mother, I knew I wanted to have this conversation. Research from The Best Friend Project suggests a strong connection between trust in our mothers and our ability to build healthy adult friendships. In this episode, Ali and I talk about mother wounds, breaking generational cycles, trust, and the ways childhood experiences continue to shape us long after we've left home. Along the way, I uncover a possible reason I've struggled to feel the sense of sisterhood and safety I've been searching for. As Ali told me, "That's how you get to sisterhood. You just share."


Connect with Ali Lohman on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/Ali.lohman) and TikTok (https://www.tiktok.com/@ali.lohman)

To learn more, visit The Best Friend Project.co . While you're there, discover your Friendship Archetype by taking the Friendship Survey (https://thebestfriendproject.co/signup). We'd also love to stay in touch—come say hello on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/thebest_friendproject/) and Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/TheBestFriendProject)(we will follow you back!) If you need to reach us, you can always email us at Hello@TheBFProject.com.

In this episode:

- Why comparing trauma can keep us from telling our own stories
- Ali’s decision to break the cycle with her daughter
- Packing everything into a trailer and starting over
- How childhood wounds can quietly show up decades later in friendships
- Why Rachel believes she sabotaged a friendship she desperately wanted
- Ali’s approach to boundaries, loyalty, and friendship breakups
- The vulnerability Rachel believes has been missing from her friendships
- A simple lesson from Ali: “That’s how you get to sisterhood. You just share.”

Chapters:

01:15 — "My Biggest Hater Gave Birth to Me"
05:03 — The Mother Who Never Protected Ali
10:20 — Becoming the Mother She Never Had
17:35 — How She Broke the Cycle
22:01 — Leaving Home to Start Over
26:00 — Packing a Trailer & Driving Across Canada
27:24 — Building a New Life—and New Friendships
29:29 — How Our Mothers Shape Our Friendships
32:27 — Loyalty, Trust & Friendship Breakups
36:37 — Knowing When It's Time to Walk Away
39:20 — What Real Friendship Actually Looks Like
41:06 — Rachel Opens Up: Why I Can't Cry
43:55 — The Wounds We Carry Into Every Relationship
44:46 — Can a Broken Friendship Ever Heal?
46:33 — Breaking the Cycle Together
47:23 — Apologies, Accountability & Moving Forward
49:29 — "That's How You Get to Sisterhood"

Coming Next Week

Rachel talks with Barb. Barb is 69 years old, and she’s dealing with a friendship breakup that has rocked her world—even four years later. She never thought she’d still be dealing with this kind of heartbreak at 69. But what makes it even harder? Her former best friend is also her immediate neighbor.

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