エピソード

  • What If You're Allowed to Be Bad at It?

    What If You're Allowed to Be Bad at It?
    2026/10/12
    What If You're Allowed to Be Bad at It? With Alice O'Connell, founder of Learning to Knit

    Have you ever decided you weren't creative, coordinated, artistic, or naturally good at something—before you'd really given yourself a chance to learn?

    What if you don't have to be good at something for it to be good for you?

    In this episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, Danielle Ireland sits down with Alice O'Connell, founder of Learning to Knit, to explore why being a beginner can feel so uncomfortable as an adult—and why that discomfort might be exactly where something wonderful begins.

    After more than 20 years teaching people to knit, Alice has noticed a remarkable pattern: someone can learn an entirely new skill, make something with their own hands, and immediately point out the one imperfect stitch.

    Sound familiar?

    Together, Danielle and Alice explore perfectionism, creativity, self-judgment, the pleasure of making something simply because it feels good, and what happens when we stop confusing "I haven't learned this yet" with "I'm not capable of learning it."

    Alice also shares how knitting became a steady source of comfort and connection during her breast cancer treatment, helping her hold on to a sense of herself beyond being a patient.

    And toward the end, the conversation takes a beautiful turn: what if undoing something doesn't mean destroying it? What if it simply means giving yourself the material to begin again?

    In This Episode

    • Why adults turn the discomfort of learning into judgments about their abilities and identities.

    • How perfectionism can steal the celebration from something we've just accomplished.

    • What creativity, repetitive handwork, and being a beginner can offer when life feels overwhelming.

    • How knitting helped Alice navigate anxiety, treatment, and identity during breast cancer.

    • Why unraveling something doesn't have to mean losing everything you've created.

    A Little Gift for Listeners

    Curious about learning to knit? Alice has generously offered Don't Cut Your Own Bangs listeners 10% off her prerecorded beginner knitting course.

    Discount code: Bangs2026

    https://www.learntoknit.nl/pre-recorded-knitting-lessons

    One Question to Take With You

    What's something you've wanted to try but quietly talked yourself out of because you decided you weren't the kind of person who could do it?

    Maybe wanting to try is enough of a reason to begin.

    Connect With Alice

    Website: learntoknitonline.com

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/learntoknitonline/

    Pinterest: https://nl.pinterest.com/learntoknitonline/

    Bestselling (Pre-recorded) Beginner Knitting Course: https://www.learntoknit.nl/pre-recorded-knitting-lessons

    Connect With Danielle

    • Website: https://danielleireland.com

    • Podcast episodes: https://danielleireland.com/podcast/

    • YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs

    • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs

    • Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq

    • Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922

    • Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal

    • Wrestling a Walrus: https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus

    About Don't Cut Your Own Bangs

    Hosted by therapist and speaker Danielle Ireland, Don't Cut Your Own Bangs helps high-functioning people with big feelings understand what's happening inside and find small, doable ways to feel calmer, clearer, and more connected—without making self-improvement another full-time job.
    続きを読む 一部表示
    54 分
  • Worth Repeating: What Is Your Frustration Telling You?

    Worth Repeating: What Is Your Frustration Telling You?
    2026/10/05

    Why am I so frustrated with everyone lately?

    Sometimes frustration isn't a sign that you need to calm down, be more patient, or get over it. Sometimes it's information—pointing toward a need you haven't named, a boundary you haven't honored, or something that simply isn't working for you anymore.

    This week, I'm bringing back a solo episode from the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs archive because I still come back to this idea all the time:

    Your emotions are information. And frustration is no exception.

    In this episode, I'm working through frustration in real time after an experience left me feeling like my time wasn't being respected. I also share a completely different kind of frustration from a family trip—one where I felt irritated, trapped, and responsible for everyone around me.

    Two different situations. Same question:

    What is my frustration trying to tell me?

    Because the goal isn't to convince yourself that you shouldn't feel frustrated. It's to get curious enough to understand what's underneath it—and decide what, if anything, you want to do differently.

    In This Episode
    • Why frustration is often connected to something underneath the irritation
    • How an unmet need can quietly turn into resentment toward the people around you
    • The difference between noticing someone else's behavior and recognizing your own agency
    • How to use "I can, I want, I need, I will" to move from frustration toward clarity
    • Why respecting your own time, needs, and limits matters even when someone else doesn't
    Try This

    The next time you notice yourself thinking:

    Why am I so irritated?

    Instead of immediately trying to talk yourself out of it, start here:

    I'm frustrated about…
    I feel…

    Then, remembering that you cannot control another person:

    I can…
    I want…
    I need…
    I will…

    You don't need to have the perfect answer. You're giving the feeling enough room to become information.

    A Question to Take With You

    What might your frustration be asking you to notice that you've been trying to talk yourself out of?

    Maybe nothing needs to be blown up, fixed, or decided today.

    Maybe something is calling for your attention.

    If This Episode Helped

    Follow Don't Cut Your Own Bangs so these conversations are waiting for you when you need them. And if someone in your life has been saying, "I don't know why I'm so irritated lately," send this episode their way.

    Sometimes feeling understood is the first step toward understanding what needs to change.

    Connect with Danielle

    Website:
    https://danielleireland.com

    YouTube:
    https://www.youtube.com/@DontCutYourOwnBangs

    Instagram:
    https://www.instagram.com/dontcutyourownbangs

    Treasured Journal:
    https://danielleireland.com/journal

    Wrestling a Walrus:
    https://danielleireland.com/wrestling-a-walrus

    Spotify:
    https://open.spotify.com/show/0VFZulonTvaa2HIPyJa4Tq

    Apple Podcasts:
    https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-cut-your-own-bangs/id1427579922
    続きを読む 一部表示
    19 分
  • Who Said You "Should" Be That?

    Who Said You "Should" Be That?
    2026/09/28
    Have you ever felt like you should be further along, more certain, or better at something by now? Sometimes the pressure to have it figured out doesn't come from what we actually want—it comes from a story about who we think we're supposed to be. In this conversation, Danielle sits down with therapist, minister, speaker, and founder of Owens Counseling and Consulting, Rev. Hazel Owens, MDiv., LMFT, to talk about what happens when we stop treating expertise like a finish line. Together, they explore perfectionism, curiosity, fear, alignment, authenticity, and the surprising freedom of becoming a beginner again. Hazel shares why she intentionally remains a student of her work, how she decides which opportunities actually belong to her, and why she's learned to turn every anxious "what if?" into an "even if." This is a conversation about owning what you know without pretending you know everything—and learning to recognize when the person you're trying hardest not to disappoint is costing you your relationship with yourself. In This Episode Why becoming more experienced doesn't have to mean becoming more certain—and how staying curious can make us better at what we do.How perfectionism can become an attempt to outrun rejection, abandonment, or the fear that we aren't enough.Why Hazel asks "Who said that?" whenever she hears herself—or a client—say, "I should be…"How to distinguish a genuinely good opportunity from something that is actually aligned with you.Why turning "What if?" into "Even if…" can help you move toward something meaningful without waiting for fear to disappear. Hazel describes her commitment to remaining a student throughout her career and the openness it has created in her work and opportunities. Three Things to Take With You 1. A good thing doesn't have to be your thing. Hazel has learned to ask whether an opportunity is actually aligned with who she is and the mission of her life—not simply whether it looks impressive from the outside. Because when something isn't aligned, she notices herself beginning to perform rather than genuinely show up. And as Hazel puts it: "Just because it's a good thing doesn't mean it's my thing." You added something I love just as much: some of the best things in your life haven't required you to convince yourself that you wanted them. Sometimes all that internal persuading is information. 2. Pay attention to the word "should." When Hazel hears: I should be further along. I should be doing this. I should have figured this out. Her response is: "To who? Who said that?" Because sometimes the standard we're working so hard to meet doesn't actually belong to us. And trying to earn belonging by meeting somebody else's expectations can quietly become a form of self-betrayal. 3. You don't have to eliminate fear before you move. Before Hazel left a career she loved and returned to school, she had plenty of fears and what ifs. Instead of waiting for those fears to disappear, she began answering them: What if I don't have enough money? Even if I don't have enough money… Eventually, she asked herself an even bigger question: "If I removed every single fear—if every fear was gone—would I still do this?" The answer helped her separate what she wanted from what she was afraid of. Any time I find myself or even one of my clients say, 'Well, I should be,' my question is always, 'To who? Who said that?'" — Hazel Owens Pull-Over-the-Car Insight In trying so hard to avoid someone else rejecting or abandoning us, we can end up abandoning ourselves. That connection emerges when you recognize that the perfectionistic part of you may be trying to "outrun or prevent abandonment," and Hazel connects it to the ways we align ourselves with expectations that put us at risk of our own self-betrayal. The Heart of This Conversation Maybe becoming really good at something doesn't mean you finally arrive at a place where there is nothing left to learn. Maybe expertise and curiosity can sit beside each other. You can own your experience. You can say, "I know something about this." And still leave room for another person to teach you something, for an experience to challenge what you thought you understood, for your faith or perspective to deepen or change—or simply for the possibility that there is more here to learn. And perhaps the people who help us most aren't always the people who convince us to trust them. Sometimes they're the people who create enough safety, curiosity, and space that we can finally hear ourselves more clearly. And maybe we leave trusting ourselves a little bit more. A Note From Danielle One of my favorite things about Hazel is that she knows things—and she owns what she knows—without behaving as though knowing something means she's finished learning. She describes herself as "a student of the work that I am becoming an expert in." That feels increasingly rare in a world that rewards certainty, hot takes, expertise, and having ...
    続きを読む 一部表示
    54 分
  • Why Is It So Hard to Change?

    Why Is It So Hard to Change?
    2026/09/21
    Have you ever realized something in your life isn't working anymore—and then immediately felt overwhelmed by everything you'd have to change to make it better? Maybe you finally recognize how exhausted you are, how much you've been carrying, or a pattern in your work, relationships, or family that you can't unsee. And almost immediately, awareness becomes an assignment: Okay. So how do I fix all of this? But your inability to overhaul your entire life overnight isn't evidence that you can't change. In this final episode of Supporting Others Without Losing Yourself, therapist and speaker Danielle Ireland explores what actually happens after you recognize a pattern—and why knowing better doesn't mean a different response will immediately become available in real time. Using the image of a train already moving at full speed, Danielle explains why patterns reinforced over years need more than one breakthrough to change. Awareness isn't nothing. Awareness is the first pump of the brakes. We'll also explore what can happen when you've become so practiced at being useful to everyone else that you've lost touch with what you actually want—and a simple three-sentence practice for beginning to include yourself again: I feel. I need. I will. Not a complete reinvention. One degree. Because self-trust grows every time you hear yourself and respond. In This Episode Why recognizing a pattern doesn't mean you should already know how to change itHow years of practice, relationships, and reinforcement create emotional momentumWhy awareness can be understood as pumping the brakes, rather than failing to change fast enoughWhat can happen when caring for everyone else disconnects you from your own wants and needsHow to use "I feel → I need → I will" to make one small response that includes you Three Things to Take With You 1. Awareness doesn't need to immediately become an assignment. There is a difference between intellectually knowing something and having practiced a new response enough that it becomes available when you actually need it. Recognizing "Oh, I do this" matters—even if you do it again tomorrow. You cannot change a pattern you cannot see. Recognition is already part of the change. 2. You may need to remember what you want. If you've spent years becoming exceptionally good at being useful, responsible, accommodating, or aware of everyone else's needs, "What do I want?" can be surprisingly difficult to answer. The goal isn't to immediately make your ideal day happen. As Danielle says in the episode: "The point is not execution. The point is access." You're practicing having a desire before asking whether it's practical. 3. Make the change one degree smaller. Instead of asking yourself to reinvent your life, try: I feel: What is happening inside me? I need: What might this feeling be pointing toward? I will: What is one thing within my control that responds to what I just learned? Fifteen minutes of rest doesn't solve exhaustion. Five minutes alone in your car doesn't solve an overloaded life. That isn't the point. The important thing is: I noticed myself, and I responded. "Your needs don't have to win every time or make somebody lose, but they always deserve to be represented—especially by you." The Heart of This Conversation You don't have to change your whole life today. There is time and history behind the person you are now. Understanding why a pattern exists doesn't mean you have to stay there—it gives you the opportunity to respond from understanding and clarity rather than punishment. Maybe today's change is five minutes. Maybe it's one boundary. Maybe it's saying what you need even if someone else doesn't particularly like it. Maybe it's simply noticing: Oh. I'm doing that thing again. And instead of turning that recognition into evidence that you should know better, you pump the brakes. One degree at a time. A Gentle Reflection Think of one pattern you already know you want to change. Instead of asking: "Why am I still doing this?" Try: What am I feeling? What do I need? What is one thing I will do in response? Not the thing that fixes everything. The thing that lets you know: I heard myself. A Note From Danielle This three-part series grew directly out of my keynote and workshop Supporting Others Without Losing Yourself. It's a conversation I love bringing to companies, conferences, professional associations, women's groups, helping professionals, and therapists because the goal isn't to teach people to care less. It's to help people continue caring deeply without disappearing from their own lives in the process. That's the through-line Danielle names in the episode's speaking invitation and closing. If your people need this conversation, I'd love to bring it to them. Speaking inquiries: danielle@danielleireland.com About Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Don't Cut Your Own Bangs is the podcast for high-functioning humans with big feelings who want to understand themselves a little ...
    続きを読む 一部表示
    31 分
  • I Know This Isn't It. Now What?

    I Know This Isn't It. Now What?
    2026/09/14
    What do you do when you know something isn't right, but you have absolutely no idea what you want instead? That uncomfortable middle can make self-awareness feel almost dangerous. Because if you admit the job, relationship, routine, business, or version of your life isn't working anymore…does that mean you immediately have to change everything? In this episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I'm reunited with Kate DeBont six years after her first appearance on the podcast. And a lot of life has happened in between. Kate has left coaching, returned to corporate life, changed jobs, moved through the end of a marriage, found love again, and eventually built work that feels far more like her. But what I love most about her story is that none of it happened in one giant leap. She spent years collecting information. I like this. I don't like that. This doesn't feel like me. This part does. And over time, those little pieces began to point somewhere. We talk about why knowing what you don't want is useful even when it doesn't immediately tell you what you do want, how emotions can become information instead of evidence that something is wrong with you, and why recognizing the truth of how you feel does not mean you have to act on it in that exact moment. Because sometimes two things are true: This isn't where I want to stay. and This is what I need right now. Kate's story is a conversation about the messy space between recognition and action—and learning to trust "not this" without demanding that you already know "then what." In This Episode We talk about: why self-awareness can feel scary when you think it comes with an immediate assignmentthe difference between recognizing something isn't right and being ready to change it moving back into corporate work when stability mattered more than preferencethe quiet fear of "am I failing because I can't make the thing I love work?"why emotions can function like a GPS instead of a verdict finding confidence in "I don't know how yet, but I can figure it out"the difference between hope and toxic positivity Three Things to Take With You 1. You don't need to know what you want next to trust what isn't working now. One of the biggest traps in change is believing you can't acknowledge "this isn't it" until you have a perfectly formed alternative. But knowing what you don't want is still information. It may not hand you the answer, but it can help you stop arguing with what you already know. 2. Recognizing the truth does not require immediate action. Kate knew there were times when corporate work wasn't where she ultimately wanted to be—and she still needed stability, income, and structure for her children. That didn't make her awareness less true. It just meant there were multiple truths to hold at once. 3. The things that don't fit may be helping you figure out what does. Kate didn't build her current work from one lightning-bolt moment of clarity. She built it from accumulated information. What felt wrong. What felt right. What she was good at. What she refused to keep doing. Sometimes the path becomes visible backward before it becomes obvious forward. The Clip Moment "Does self-awareness mean I'm gonna have to blow everything up?" This is the cold open because it captures the exact fear underneath the episode. If acknowledging that something feels wrong means you believe you're immediately responsible for fixing all of it, of course you might avoid looking too closely. But awareness and action are not the same thing. Knowing the truth of how you feel does not require you to do something about it in that red-hot minute. You can recognize what's true. Stay curious. Gather information. Take your circumstances seriously. And wait until you have more clarity, capacity, or choice before making a move. The Heart of This Conversation Maybe the goal isn't to figure everything out faster. Maybe it's to become a little more willing to trust the information already coming from your life. The irritation. The relief. The tension. The thing that keeps not sitting right. The thing you keep imagining differently. None of those feelings have to dictate your next move. But they may deserve to be heard. One of the most meaningful moments in this conversation comes when we talk about what happens when discomfort stops meaning: "I must be bad at this." and starts becoming: "This is telling me something." That shift turns emotion from a verdict into information—and gives you a little more room to choose what happens next. A Reflection for This Week Where in your life are you quietly thinking: "I know this isn't it." And what changes if you don't immediately force yourself to answer: "Then what is?" Can you simply notice what feels off? What feels better? What you miss? What brings relief? What you keep trying to convince yourself you should like? You do not have to make a major decision. You're allowed to collect information first. A Note From Danielle This is ...
    続きを読む 一部表示
    58 分
  • Why Do I Need You to Agree With Me?

    Why Do I Need You to Agree With Me?
    2026/09/07
    Have you ever noticed how much explaining you do when you really want someone to agree with you? You build the case. Provide the context. Anticipate objections. Maybe you even rehearse the conversation so thoroughly that the other person has already said all of their lines approximately eleven times—and they weren't even there. But underneath all that explaining can be a much more vulnerable hope: If I can get you to understand why I need this, maybe I'll feel safer actually honoring it. In Part 2 of Supporting Others Without Losing Yourself, Danielle explores what happens after you've identified what you're feeling and what you might need—but someone else doesn't understand, agree, or respond the way you hoped they would. Because being understood feels wonderful. Support matters. But there's a difference between wanting someone's support and needing their support before you can support yourself. This episode explores why smart, capable, highly responsible people can be especially vulnerable to outsourcing their permission; how over-explaining can quietly become an attempt to make disagreement impossible; and why someone else's disappointment doesn't automatically mean you've done something wrong. The goal isn't to stop caring what other people think. It's learning how to stay connected to yourself even when someone you love sees things differently. In This Episode, We Talk About Why identifying what you need is different from being willing to honor itHow over-explaining can look like healthy communication while actually searching for permissionA simple experiment for noticing how your body responds to imagined disapprovalWhy another person's reaction is information—but doesn't erase the information coming from youThe difference between wanting support and requiring agreementHow radical responsibility can create healthier interdependence The episode intentionally stays with recognition before action. Danielle closes by asking listeners to notice where they may be explaining, defending, or building a case rather than rushing into a dramatic boundary conversation. Three Things to Take With You 1. Wanting support is different from needing permission. Wanting the people you love to understand you isn't a problem. Neither is wanting encouragement, validation, or support. The question is what happens when you don't get it. Can you still take your own experience seriously? As Danielle puts it: "The goal is noticing when wanting support has quietly been acting as a permission slip." 2. Pay attention to what happens after you've explained yourself clearly. Context isn't the problem. Explaining yourself isn't the problem. But if you've already communicated clearly and find yourself explaining for the fourth time, gathering more evidence, anticipating every objection, or trying to make your need impossible to disagree with, something else may be happening. There's a difference between: "I want you to understand me." and "I need you to agree so I can feel okay." 3. You belong in the equation, too. Someone else's feelings matter. Their needs matter. The relationship matters. Context and responsibilities matter. And so do you. Taking your needs seriously isn't saying everyone else's needs matter less. It's simply refusing to remove yourself from the equation. The Heart of This Episode Maybe self-trust isn't becoming completely certain that you're right. Maybe it's becoming willing to stay connected to yourself when somebody sees things differently. Someone can love you and not understand your decision. Someone can be disappointed and you can still take your experience seriously. Someone can need time to process what you're asking for—and you don't have to spend that time putting yourself back on trial. Pull-Over-the-Car Insight "Someone else's freedom to respond honestly is part of my freedom to ask honestly." When you no longer need the other person's "correct" reaction in order to feel okay, both people get more freedom. You can ask honestly. They can respond honestly. And then you can decide what to do with all of the information in the room. Shareable Quote "There is a difference between, 'I really hope you'll support me,' and, 'I need you to support me before I can support myself.'" Try This This Week Don't start with the biggest boundary you've been avoiding for seven years. Just notice. Where are you explaining beyond the point of understanding? Where are you building a case? Where are you rehearsing objections that haven't happened yet? And underneath all of that: Where am I waiting for someone else's agreement before I allow myself to act on what I already know? Recognition is still movement. Part 3 will take the next step: how to begin changing something when there is already years—or decades—of momentum behind the way you've been living. A Note From Danielle If you've ever been sitting in a team meeting, leadership retreat, professional conference—or honestly, at dinner—and ...
    続きを読む 一部表示
    34 分
  • What If Helping Didn't Have to Drain You?

    What If Helping Didn't Have to Drain You?
    2026/08/31
    What if being a caring person didn't require constantly giving more of yourself away? When you care deeply, it's easy to look around and see need everywhere—and then quietly turn that awareness into another expectation of yourself. I should help. I should do more. I should care more. I should have more to give. But maybe "Where am I needed?" isn't the only question worth asking. In this episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs, I'm joined by social worker, author, and community advocate Jalysa King for a conversation about finding the sweet spot between being of service to others and staying connected to what makes you come alive. Jalysa has a remarkable way of showing up for meaningful work without making service synonymous with heaviness. From helping young people find their dream formal wear through The Gifted Gown to supporting grieving families through Brooks Place, she reminds us that helping can look like listening, playing, shopping, creating, smiling, or simply bringing something you already love into a place where it's needed. Because there will always be more good work that could be done. In This Episode, We Explore Why helping doesn't always have to feel heavyHow play, creativity, shopping, art, and connection can all become meaningful forms of serviceHow our natural interests can point us toward places where we have something meaningful to contributeWhy representation matters—and the power of seeing yourself reflected in books, stories, and possibilitiesHow to recognize when something simply isn't right for this particular season of your lifeWhat it might look like to let joy help determine where you invest your energy Jalysa's examples continually expand the definition of what "helping" can look like—from playing with children to helping someone find a gown to simply sitting beside someone experiencing grief. Three Things to Carry With You 1. Where you're needed isn't the only question. If you care deeply and pay attention to the world around you, you can find someone who needs something almost everywhere you look. Instead, try asking: Where do I come alive while helping? Where does something you naturally love, enjoy, understand, or know how to do meet something another person genuinely needs? 2. The way into something heavy can be small, simple, or light. Sometimes a problem feels so enormous that we assume our response needs to feel enormous, too. But service might look like planting flowers. Cuddling a shelter dog. Playing with a child. Helping someone find a dress. Painting beside someone when talking feels impossible. The seriousness of someone's need doesn't necessarily dictate the heaviness of what you have to offer. 3. Being of service doesn't have to mean giving all of yourself away. Your joy doesn't disqualify the contribution. In fact, the things that light you up may contain useful information about what you uniquely have to offer. As Jalysa says about The Gifted Gown, she's doing something she genuinely enjoys while simultaneously meeting a real need—and that experience fills her cup, too. The Heart of This Conversation Maybe you don't need another reminder that the world needs help. Maybe you need permission to remember that you get to exist inside the equation, too. Your capacity matters. Your interests matter. Your energy matters. Your joy matters. Being of service doesn't have to require disappearing from your own life in the process. A Line to Keep "Where do I come alive while helping?" The Clip Moment "When the problem feels big, and hard, and heavy, it almost doesn't feel accessible that…the way into a solution can be either small, or simple, or light." — Danielle A Gentle Reflection Instead of asking yourself what else you should be doing, try asking: What do I genuinely enjoy? And then: Where might that be useful? You don't have to manufacture a passion for something simply because it's important. You might already have something to offer hiding inside the things that make you feel most like yourself. About Jalysa King Jalysa King is a social worker, children's book author, and community advocate whose work spans service, representation, grief support, and community connection. In this conversation, she shares her work with The Gifted Gown and Brooks Place, along with the experiences that first shaped her relationship with service. She is the author of When I Grow Up I Can Be Anything and The World Needs More People Who Smile. Her work as an author grew partly from recognizing how powerful it can be for children to see themselves represented in the possibilities they're imagining for their own lives. Jalysa's Books When I Grow Up I Can Be Anything — Jalysa King The World Needs More People Who Smile — Jalysa King Organizations mentioned in the episode Brooke's Place — grief support and services for children, teens, young adults, and families. The Gifted Gown — provides free formal wear, shoes, and accessories so cost doesn't prevent someone ...
    続きを読む 一部表示
    56 分
  • Why Is Everyone Getting on My Nerves?

    Why Is Everyone Getting on My Nerves?
    2026/08/17
    Supporting Others Without Losing Yourself — Part 1 Why is everyone getting on your nerves lately—even the people you love? If you've found yourself unusually irritated, resentful, exhausted, or quietly thinking, "Please, nobody ask me for one more thing," it doesn't automatically mean you've become angry, selfish, ungrateful, or impossible to please. But, something important could be trying to get your attention. In this first episode of Supporting Others Without Losing Yourself, I'm exploring what happens when caring for the people, work, and responsibilities that matter to us quietly becomes carrying too much of them. And we're not starting with boundaries. We're not fixing anything yet. We're starting with something that can be deceptively simple, but it the most important place to start: Noticing. Because the irritation, angry tears, exhaustion, resentment, or desire to run away from everyone for five uninterrupted minutes may not be the actual problem. They may be the way the problem is finally making itself visible. In this episode I share a deeply personal story from the early postpartum years of my marriage. Neither one of us was the villain. We were two exhausted people trying to run an old operating system inside a completely new life—and naming what was happening helped us finally see the problem together. Because sometimes something needs your attention without needing to be anyone's fault. In This Episode, We Explore Why irritability and resentment can be information rather than character flawsWhat can happen when caring quietly becomes carryingWhy we often focus on changing everyone around us before asking what's happening inside usThe difference between having a big feeling and needing to make a big decisionWhy recognition—not fixing—is the first step toward meaningful change Three Things to Carry With You 1. Your Feelings Aren't a Verdict. They're Information. Feeling resentful doesn't automatically mean there's something wrong with your relationship. Feeling exhausted by people you love doesn't mean you don't love them. Feeling irritated with your children doesn't make you a terrible parent. Your feelings may be telling you that something needs attention—but they don't automatically tell you what the solution needs to be. 2. It Doesn't Have to Be Anyone's Fault We can become so focused on figuring out who is responsible that we miss the more useful question: What is happening here? Sometimes nobody needs to become the villain before something is allowed to change. Your experience can simply be true. And that truth can be enough to start a conversation. 3. Your Experience Doesn't Have to Become an Emergency Before It Deserves Attention You don't have to wait until you're completely depleted. Until the relationship is falling apart. Until you hate your job. Until you're crying in the car. Until the metaphorical house is on fire. You're allowed to notice the smoke. The Heart of This Conversation Your experience doesn't have to become an emergency before it deserves your attention. Sometimes the irritation is the signal. The resentment is the signal. The exhaustion is the signal. The "I swear if one more person asks me for something…" is the signal. You don't have to judge it. And you don't have to immediately act on it. You can get curious about it. Your feelings aren't a verdict. They're information. A Gentle Practice This week, when you notice yourself feeling irritated, resentful, exhausted, or just plain done, resist the urge to immediately solve it. Instead, ask yourself two questions: What am I feeling? What might I need? Then see what happens if you listen without immediately talking yourself out of the answer. If This Episode Resonates Share it with the person who loves their people deeply—and is also quietly tired of everybody needing something from them. This is Part One of Supporting Others Without Losing Yourself. We're starting with recognition because we can't meaningfully change something we haven't learned how to see yet. My hope is that every conversation leaves you feeling a little more understood, a little less alone, and a little more curious about yourself. Come when you're ready. Stay as long as you need. Take what serves you. Leave the rest. Connect With Danielle Website: danielleireland.com YouTube: @DontCutYourOwnBangs Instagram: @dontcutyourownbangs The Treasured Journal: Treasured Wrestling a Walrus: Children's Book Spotify: Listen on Spotify Apple Podcasts: Listen on Apple Podcasts
    続きを読む 一部表示
    31 分