In this solo episode of Bipolar She, I talk about how a lithium dose reduction triggered a bipolar crisis and led to brain fog, confusion, sleep disruption, exhaustion, and intrusive suicidal thoughts--thoughts about suicide that were clearly not my own--but still deeply disturbing. What began as a small psychiatric medication change turned into nearly a month of instability, pulling me away from life and even away from the podcast. Ugh!

I had started this adjustment in my lithium dose because of my tremor (see episode Lithium: Why I Shake) A med adjustment can often have so much hope attached to it. Will I feel more like myself? Will life be richer and fuller? Will my senses work better and will I even excel more athletically?

But for my bipolar disorder 1 disorder, even a small lithium taper (a form of medication change), sent me on a roller coaster of a month this March--and potentially a life threatening ride. Ultimately, I was met with defeat. I rarely have any luck during a change, but I still take the risk, with the hope of having a better life. This episode is about bipolar disorder, lithium, suicidal thoughts, psychiatric medication tapering, and how destabilizing even a small med change can be.

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Music composed and performed by guitarist, JD Cullum

Edited by Brandon Moran

Sponsored by Soar With Tapping