Gaslighting at the Veil: When Medicine Denies the Dying Their Voices

What happens when the systems meant to heal become the ones that silence? This conversation pulls back the curtain on the subtle violences of medical authority—where dying people are dismissed, diminished, or denied their own truth. As a deathwalker, I name the gaslighting at the threshold: the way medicine can strip autonomy, mute grief, and erase the sacred wisdom of those preparing to cross.

This episode is not just about death—it’s about reclaiming voice, dignity, and the right to speak our own exits into being. Tune in for a reckoning at the veil, where silence is broken and sovereignty is restored.

In this episode of Death Talk Unscripted, Paula Adams, a Death Walker, explores the complex themes surrounding death, autonomy, and the experiences of those who are dying. She discusses the perception of time for the dying, the importance of allowing individuals to choose their end-of-life path, and the societal attitudes that often deny them this choice. Through personal anecdotes and philosophical reflections, Paula advocates for a reimagining of death care that honors the wisdom and autonomy of the dying, emphasizing the need for open conversations about death and the sacredness of the dying process.

Takeaways

Death is not an ending, but a transformation.

Dying individuals often wait for their loved ones to be ready.

The perception of time differs for the dying and their families.

Denying autonomy in dying can be seen as patronizing.

The agony of being ready but not allowed to go is a form of suffering.

Time bends around longing in the dying process.

We must advocate for policies that honor choice in death care.

The dying have access to wisdom and clarity that we often overlook.

Communal support can transform the dying experience.

Autonomy and freedom are essential in the dying process.

In this episode of Death Talk, we shine a light on the 63 million unpaid caregivers who form the invisible backbone of hospice care. From financial strain to spiritual depletion, we explore the sacred labor of those who walk the dying—often in silence, often alone. With fresh data, ancestral insight, and deathwalker reverence, we ask: What does it mean to sacrifice everything for someone else's final chapter? And how do we begin to honor those who hold vigil at the threshold?