エピソード

  • Ten Ways to Quickly Boost Your Good Vibes (11-24-24 - Replay of 8-11-24)

    Ten Ways to Quickly Boost Your Good Vibes (11-24-24 - Replay of 8-11-24)
    2024/11/24

    The phrase “good vibes” has been around for a few decades now, and it is sometimes associated with cultural eccentricity. In fact, however, the phrase can be associated with electricity because the human body has electrical currents that travel up to 120 meters per second. The electricity in our bodies is real, and it is impacted by our habits, particularly those that involve mental hygiene. If you want to boost your positive vibes quickly, here are ten things you can do. Some of them may sound similar, but the nuances are different.

    1. Think positively. This does not mean brainwashing yourself to believe what is not true or ignoring what needs to be fixed, but it does mean you look for what is really, truly good instead of automatically assuming the bad.
    2. Strengthen your memory for positive information. Your brain wants to help you by detecting threats early, so it often holds onto the negative memories. But you can purposely direct your brain to remember the positive things, too. Use recall for good.
    3. Stop minimizing your successes. Often we do this out of an attempt to be polite or humble, but dismissing what is good is not really either one. Your successes are important, and it might not look like anyone else’s successes. What is big for you? Wins are different for every single human. Do not push away compliments.
    4. Exercise control of your thoughts. Thinking changes the brain. Take control of your own mind. Think of your brain like a self-driving car: it can do lots of cool things and definitely has an autopilot function, but you still need to be at the wheel to be safe and use autopilot effectively.
    5. Use negativity wisely. Some things are truly bad. Some negative thoughts are true and need to be acknowledged. This is different than using negativity as your default. Acknowledge reality, and move in the best direction you can in response to it.
    6. Practice gratitude. Your brain and body love it; gratitude does wonderful things for them.
    7. Accept and validate your own feelings, but don’t believe everything they tell you. Remember, feelings are very real, but they are not always true. Gather the information they offer, but sort it through before making decisions.
    8. Accept that pain is inevitable and that you can choose gain in the pain. Many of us today want to avoid pain at all costs, but pain is often part of achieving important things.
    9. Control your behavior. Adults do this. We accept that children are learning to control themselves and will not always succeed, but, if you are an adult, hold yourself accountable as an adult.
    10. Judge yourself in a helpful way in order to determine what to do differently, rather than a condemning way that uses past mistakes to self-shame or beat yourself up. Acknowledging reality allows you to forgive yourself and move forward, making right what you can and accepting that you cannot change the past.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
    続きを読む 一部表示
    43 分
  • The Truth Will Set You Free (11-17-24)

    The Truth Will Set You Free (11-17-24)
    2024/11/17

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
    続きを読む 一部表示
    43 分
  • CWC - 11/3/24 - Replay of Being in Charge of Your Own Brain (3-03-24)

    CWC - 11/3/24 - Replay of Being in Charge of Your Own Brain (3-03-24)
    2024/11/01
    oday’s topic is the neuroplasticity of the brain and how we can use it to take charge of our own thought processes. Cinthia opened today with a quote usually attributed to Albert Einstein: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.” We see the problems that occur with repeating behaviors that are not working, but what about our thoughts? Our brains create what are called “neural nets,” or networks of brain cells that learn to fire in succession in response to outside stimuli; these are often compared to superhighways in the brain. This creates habits of thought that we often do not even notice because we are so used to them. For example, the phone rings, and you see a particular name on the screen. What thoughts go through your head automatically? The stimulus happens, the thoughts begin… and, before you know it, you are traveling down that old familiar superhighway with its familiar assumptions and other habits of thought. And every time you travel the highway, it gets reinforced, becoming more entrenched and powerful in your brain and your life. Thus, our brains create these “crazy-fast” reactions to stimuli, but we can take control of this process and retrain our brains to respond differently. Sarah Gibson has written about this concept with the old computer-inspired idea of GIGO: “Garbage in, garbage out.” We can, she emphasizes, decide what ideas to feed ourselves. We can decide which thoughts to dwell on. We can reroute the garbage truck, so to speak, and actively work to take the “trash” out of our brains. We can create bypasses to help us stop traveling the superhighways that are not helping us. God made our brains to work for us, not against us. Are you a lazy thinker? Challenge your own thoughts and feelings. Update and maintain your own roads. Take responsibility for the roads you travel. Clean up the negativities, the lies, the assumptions. Reroute the garbage truck. All of this is easier to say than to do, but it is well worth the work. First, start to notice the neural nets that exist for you. In what areas do you quickly find yourself starting down a familiar thought/feeling/reaction path? Cinthia discussed her own struggle with mental “superhighways” related to an eating disorder that began early in her life; for her, there are still triggers to follow a mental track related to fears of being fat, triggers she has to consciously and intentionally resist. We may have perceptions about why other people do what they do, and our thoughts on this reinforce our judgments and assumptions about others. Some people have superhighways related to fears of trusting anyone. Sometimes we think we know what will happen in a situation because we believe that is what “always” happens, but we may actually be overgeneralizing. What are your superhighways? What are your triggers to jump on those ramps, and what thoughts and feelings occur in response to those triggers? Once you identify some patterns, the first thing to do is learn to pause. To continue our superhighway analogy, pull your mental “car” over into a safe spot and take a minute to examine what just happened and where you are now headed. Question your immediate emotional response. Seek different information. Find out what else there is to know. Clarify with the person who made a comment; what did they mean by that? Remember, our brains create these “crazy-fast” reactions based on emotional response. Remember, feelings are very real, but they are not always true. Don’t believe everything you think! We can retrain our reactions, but it is also important to recognize that some superhighways in our minds are so entrenched that we may struggle with them for a very long time, just as Cinthia described still having to resist eating-disordered thoughts decades after she has stopped living as an eating-disordered person. Especially when we are dealing with roads that were formed when we were young or roads that were formed through trauma or deep wounding, roads we have traveled for years or as a way to avoid other painful roads, there may always be a first reaction, an impulse to get on the “ramp” toward the series of thoughts and behaviors the brain has learned to enact in response to parts of life. The brain may still go to the old road automatically, but, remember, you can teach your brain to hit the brakes before heading down the superhighway. Work on construction of the new bypass system. Every time you travel the old roads, you make them stronger, but every time you take yourself down a new path, you help to construct and strengthen that new route. We have more control over our own thoughts than we give ourselves credit for. One thing that can help us as we try to build new roads is a back-to-basics approach toward what is important. This approach stresses simplicity, focuses on ...
    続きを読む 一部表示
    43 分
  • Everyone Is A Risk (10-27-24)

    Everyone Is A Risk (10-27-24)
    2024/10/27

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
    続きを読む 一部表示
    46 分
  • Why Does God Want Us in Relationship? (10-20-24)

    Why Does God Want Us in Relationship? (10-20-24)
    2024/10/20

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
    続きを読む 一部表示
    43 分
  • Feelings (10-13-24)

    Feelings (10-13-24)
    2024/10/13
    Feelings are very real but not always true. They are real because they are actual sensations that are really happening in your body, often related to the chemicals your body is creating and releasing. However, the thoughts that often come in tandem with our feelings can be untrue. Feelings do give us information, and some of it can be true. However, feelings are not reliable to give only true information. Because of this, we can experience a sense of emotional flooding that makes us kind of emotionally “drunk,” struggling to use good judgment because we are overwhelmed by sensations that seem to support ideas. Because of this, we sometimes want to get rid of feelings altogether. Feelings, however, can be seen as trying to help us. Feelings are not bad or good; they are morally neutral tools that require skill and discernment for proper use. We decide what to do with them. We are responsible to consider what each feeling indicates and to ask whether the messages we are receiving from them are true. Feelings can go awry, as in the case of anorexia, and we can misinterpret the information they present. Make friends with your feelings, and recognize them as tools in your toolbox, rather than as your god or your guide through everything in life. You have to decide which messages to believe, whether and how to express them, etc. Learn how to use the tools well. You do not need a sledgehammer for to accomplish a gentle nudge. Do not simply allow the strongest feelings to make themselves most heard without discerning what is real. We have more control over our feelings than we think we do. They are just feelings; we are the people who manage them. Be the grownup in your own body. God made human beings to develop something we call an observing self as we grow toward adulthood. Ideally, the observing self is like an internal coach, cheerleader, friend, and helper. Ideally, it is not critical but speaks the truth in love, telling us what the rules are, what will help and hurt us, etc. The observing self can help us become more what God made each of us to be. However, sometimes we develop an internal critic that overrides the helpful function and is shaming instead; this can be especially true for people who have grown up with abuse, neglect, or other trauma, particularly trauma involving central adults in their lives. Do you have an internal critic that is hurting you more than helping you? How much is it costing you? Where did it come from? Think about the term critic; it usually connotes an outsider with ambitions of his own, one that has a job when more material is produced. A critic is not there for the person producing and has no responsibility to that person. However, our internal critics are inside of us; we can fire them if they are not helping us. A critic simply offers an opinion, however educated that opinion might be. We do not have to believe or agree with everything that comes from a critic; we do not have to accept a critic’s opinions as facts when they are not facts. In this context, Cinthia discusses a blog written by Anne Midgette for The Washington Post about the need for art critics to be responsible; this can mean doing one’s best to convey a sense of what is happening in the field by describing all the many sides of it, fostering dialogue, etc. Is your internal critic helpful? Does it foster helpful exploration inside of your mind, or does it simply disparage you? Strong feelings can arise when dealing with the internal critic, and breathing is critical for managing these. Therapists know that the shallower our breathing, the more we will tend to believe all our feelings. Feelings can spike our adrenaline, but oxygen helps the body lower adrenaline. Relax your shoulders and breathe; then decide whether to engage with feedback from the internal critic. You do not have to believe everything it says. Just because something sounds or feels true, comes from someone you like, etc., does not necessarily mean you should accept it as fact. You choose which things to believe; what are your criteria for this? Perfectionism makes it hard to believe praise. As an alternative, Cinthia discussed Dr. Kristin Neff’s concept of self-compassion, which has the potential to move us out of our own threat systems and into safety. She also encouraged learning how God thinks of us, likening him to the “kindergarten cop” in the movie by that name. He wants us to explore, learn, test, and discover how He feels about His children; He allows us to play. But He is strong in the midst of our explorations. In American, individuals frequently dislike themselves and try to change who they are in more and more radical ways. We have to learn to accept that we are created beings. We did not make ourselves, and God did not consult us when He made us. God puts so much thought into what He creates, and He likes the way ...
    続きを読む 一部表示
    43 分
  • Do You Let People Love You? (10-06-24)

    Do You Let People Love You? (10-06-24)
    2024/10/04

    Do you let people love you? Do you let them know you? Love takes time. There are some acts of love, mercy, grace, and kindness that require very little and can be accepted without any commitment. When someone opens the door for you in the store, smiles at you, or lets you have a parking place, you can generally accept it without trying to interpret their motives. There are others acts of love that are more reaching and involve covering a multitude of sins. We want to run from our proclivities, but God in His perfection is willing to be with us and cover for us while we work on repentance and change. Accept the love and mercy that is being offered to you; do not reject goodness. Do not insult the person who tries to give you something good. It is okay to be uncomfortable while you practice receiving graciously.

    Do you worry about accepting anyone’s niceness? Do you reject their little gifts of grace to you for fear that there will be strings attached later? It can be so much easier to accept good things from people we do not know, people who are unlikely to be there later, because we see little chance of having to repay them in the future. But in most cases we do not have to read minds and interpret motives; we can simply say, “Thank you,” authentically without trying to read between the lines. If we find later that there were strings attached, after all, we can simply say, “I wish I had known that you were wanting that in return. What can I do now?” Usually, continuing to live as a changed person in response to the kindness is the best repayment. If you think that you do not deserve it, take a deep breath and say, “It’s not about me.” This can help you not to steal from others the reward of being kind. Work on accepting compliments, even if you do not believe them right now.

    Love covers a multitude of sins. It is not the same as enabling. Love does not expose our ugliness while we are working on repentance and change. It is a gift of grace that comes from God. God knows the depth and darkness of our thoughts and actions, and He does not put time limits on our changing. We do not have to get it all figured out before we go to God; in fact, He would rather we come to Him messy. (Our own attempts to clean up the mess without Him generally just make things worse.)

    And, remember, you can show love to others, too. You do not have to love perfectly in order for someone’s life to be changed. Loving someone is not always an ongoing commitment; you can start with small acts of kindness throughout the day. Practice I Corinthians 13 on yourself. The more you are willing to engage with this kind of love, receiving the love of God and loving yourself well, the more you will be able to love others. Practice love. Do not wait for perfection. You can apologize when wrong. God is the Father that is with you.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
    続きを読む 一部表示
    43 分
  • Let Them Love You, Continued (9-29-24)

    Let Them Love You, Continued (9-29-24)
    2024/09/29

    Do you struggle with letting others love you? Today Cinthia reviews some important concepts about letting others love you. We all need grace, kindness, even smiles; you can receive and give these things. The better your boundaries are, the more loving you can be. Extending grace does not mean the person owes you something. I Corinthians 13, as well as other verses about the love of God, give us a picture of what love means. God is kind; you be kind. Practice kindness toward strangers and toward those close to you, honoring appropriate boundaries; receive kindnesses in the same way.

    Kindness shown does not necessarily mean that one person owes another something. Deciding for others what they are expecting in return is a boundary violation. You do not have to read the minds of others. Don’t allow suspicion to steal from you or from those who try to give you something. It is okay to ask or to offer payment, but, often, the best repayment for someone’s kindness is continuing to live as a changed person. It is okay to just say “thank you.” Don’t insult the giver of a gift because you believe your own negative feelings. If it turns out someone has attached strings without telling you, you can always say, “I am glad you told me. I did not know that you were expecting or needing that. I can/cannot do that.”

    Another piece of love is covering. Covering is a gift of grace; it is different than enabling or keeping harmful secrets. God covers us while we let Him change us, while we work on doing the things He gives us to address. Covering can minimize the damage and allow the person to fix what he or she has broken; it refuses to expose the person while he or she is working on repentance and change. This does not mean that we have to make long checklists of ways the person has to prove themselves and that we have to expose them otherwise. In close relationships, we may need to address situations in which people are not trying to change, but, in general, it is not our business. God is with us as we change and is infinitely patient with our mistakes. Allow those who love you to support you as you learn to be the best version of yourself.

    Love can be scary because we need it so badly. We are wired to attach. But trying to read the minds of others in order to protect ourselves is not as effective as we might think. Learn to be a safe person and to love who God made you to be. Extend kindness and grace to yourself and others, and receive it from those who offer it. There is no promise you will not get hurt, but God is with His people and will take care of you through it.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
    続きを読む 一部表示
    43 分