『Complicated Kids』のカバーアート

Complicated Kids

Complicated Kids

著者： Gabriele Nicolet
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Complicated Kids is a podcast about why raising kids can feel like an extreme sport sometimes. Join me to unpack all of it, figure out who needs what, and help your family thrive.2024 人間関係 子育て
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  • When Talk Therapy Isn't Enough with Dr. Julie Lopez

    When Talk Therapy Isn't Enough with Dr. Julie Lopez
    2026/09/01
    Understanding the problem is not always the same as changing the pattern. In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Julie Lopez, founder of Viva, for a conversation about trauma, implicit memory, brain-based therapies, and why talk is not always the language the nervous system understands. Julie starts with a story from early memory research that shows something fascinating and, honestly, a little unsettling. A person may not consciously remember an event, but their system can still remember enough to respond. The body may hold information that never becomes a neat story with a beginning, middle, and end. Which matters a lot when we are talking about complicated kids. So many of the kids we talk about on this podcast have sensory systems, nervous systems, stress responses, and bodies that are taking in the world in ways they may not be able to explain. They may not have language for what feels unsafe, overwhelming, painful, intense, or confusing. And when they do not have words, their bodies may speak instead. Crying. Kicking. Screaming. Biting. Shutting down. Melting down. Refusing. Running away. Looking like they are "being difficult" when something much deeper may be happening. That does not mean those behaviors are fine. It does mean we need to be curious about where they come from. Julie and I talk about the limits of relying only on talk, especially when the struggle is not stored only in the thinking, explaining, logical part of the brain. Talk can be connecting. It can help people feel seen. It can help us organize a story and make sense of what happened. But if the body is still reacting as if the danger is happening now, understanding may not be enough. And that is where this conversation gets really interesting. Julie explains implicit memory, the role of the nervous system, and why experiences from very early life, high-stress moments, trauma, or overwhelming sensory experiences may be stored outside of conscious language. We talk about babies, NICU experiences, sensory triggers, and the way a child may respond to an environment that their body recognizes as dangerous, even if their conscious mind cannot explain why. We also talk about therapies that work beyond talk, including EMDR, brainspotting, somatic experiencing, sensory motor psychotherapy, and other approaches that help the system process what got stuck. One of my favorite moments in this episode is when Julie describes the goal of this work, and I realize that what we are talking about is not erasing memory. It is uncoupling the event from the full-body alarm that still comes with it. You may still remember what happened, but you are not still living inside it. That feels important. This episode is not anti-therapy. It is not anti-talking. We are relational creatures, and being with another human who can listen and help us make sense of ourselves absolutely matters. But some things cannot be talked into changing. Sometimes the body needs a different language. And when we understand that, we may have a better chance of helping complicated kids, complicated adults, and, frankly, all of our complicated human systems. Key Takeaways Talk can be helpful, but it is not always enough to create deep nervous system change.Some patterns are stored in implicit memory, outside of conscious language.The body can remember and respond to experiences the mind does not consciously recall.Complicated kids may not have words for what their nervous systems are experiencing.Behaviors like crying, kicking, screaming, shutting down, or running may be communication from a system that feels overwhelmed or unsafe.Understanding why something happens does not always make the body stop reacting.Trauma-informed care asks what the nervous system is trying to tell us, not just what behavior needs to stop.Brain-based therapies like EMDR, brainspotting, somatic experiencing, and sensory motor psychotherapy work beyond storytelling alone.Effective therapy can help uncouple a memory from the physiological alarm that still comes with it.There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes there is a knot in the system that needs a different kind of support. About Dr. Julie Lopez Dr. Julie Lopez is the founder of Viva, a mental health organization serving clients in DC, Maryland, and Virginia, as well as through telehealth. Julie is passionate about helping people understand how their complicated human systems work so they can move beyond outdated models of change and access therapies that work with the brain, body, nervous system, and implicit memory. Her work focuses on trauma-informed, brain-based, and body-based approaches that help people create lasting change without relying only on talk or storytelling. Through Viva and her educational work, Julie helps adults, parents, clinicians, and families better understand why some patterns do not shift through insight alone and what becomes possible when we use tools that speak the nervous system's language. About Your Host, Gabriele ...
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    37 分
  • The Neurodivergent Learner with Dr. Emily King

    The Neurodivergent Learner with Dr. Emily King
    2026/08/25
    Your child should not have to become a different kind of learner just to prove that they can learn. Dr. Emily King is back on the podcast, this time to celebrate the release of her first book, The Neurodivergent Learner. Emily is a child psychologist, former school psychologist, and parent of two neurodivergent kids, so she has spent a lot of time on pretty much every side of the school-family-provider table. At the heart of the book is an idea I love: your child's path is the right path. Neurodivergent kids do not always develop or learn according to the timelines and expectations built into traditional school systems. And instead of spending all of our energy trying to squeeze the square peg into the round hole, Emily asks a much more useful question: Why does the hole have to be round? We talk about the difference between something that is truly disabling and something that is simply different. A movement, sound, learning style, or way of regulating may only become a problem because of the expectations of the room. That distinction matters because it changes what we try to fix and what we might need to accept, accommodate, or understand differently. Emily also gives us one of my favorite images from this conversation: strategies are the sprinkles on top. Before we start throwing visual schedules, sticker charts, scripts, and other strategies at a kid, we need a foundation. Does the child feel safe? Does the pace work for their brain? Are they interested and engaged? Is their nervous system actually available for learning? And safety is not determined by whether the adult looks around the classroom and thinks, "This seems perfectly lovely to me." The child's nervous system gets the deciding vote. We talk about the kids whose dysregulation is impossible to miss, but also the compliant, perfectionistic, people-pleasing kids who look great at school and completely unravel at home. That difference between environments does not mean the problem is not real. The difference itself may be the clue. This is where parents, teachers, and providers have to get curious together. What is working? Where is it working? When does the child run out of steam? What changes between doing math at 1:30 at school and trying to do more math at 4:30 at home? Sometimes the strategy really is deciding that this kid has done enough math today. Most importantly, Emily wants us to protect our kids' relationship with learning. School is one place to learn, but it is not the only place. Kids learn through their interests, activities, relationships, travel, cooking, stories, and all the other experiences that make them curious about the world. As I tell Emily in this episode, The Neurodivergent Learner feels like a giant permission slip to follow your child's signals, be the detective, and advocate collaboratively for what they need. Because learning does not have to look the same for every child. Neither does success. Key Takeaways Neurodivergent children do not always develop or learn according to traditional timelines, and success may mean following the child's developmental path rather than forcing the expected one.Some things about neurodivergence are differences, not problems. The challenge may come from the expectations of the environment rather than from the child themselves.Strategies are the "sprinkles on top." Before adding tools or interventions, adults need to look at foundational needs like sensory safety, relational safety, pacing, and engagement.Safety is determined by the child's nervous system, not by whether the adults in the room believe the environment should feel safe.Dysregulation is not always loud or disruptive. Perfectionism, people-pleasing, compliance, and holding everything together at school can also be signs that a child is struggling.A child who looks fine at school and falls apart at home is giving us important information. The difference between settings may help explain where their energy and coping capacity are being used up.When something is not working, parents, teachers, and providers need to stay curious together instead of dismissing the concern because it does not appear everywhere.Pacing matters. A child who is bored because learning is moving too slowly and a child who is overwhelmed because it is moving too quickly may both disengage for very different reasons.Protecting a child's lifelong relationship with learning matters more than forcing them through one particular academic path, especially when school has already become a source of stress or burnout.School is only one place where learning happens. Interests, relationships, extracurriculars, travel, cooking, and everyday experiences can all be meaningful ways neurodivergent kids build knowledge and skills. About Dr. Emily King Dr. Emily King is a Child Psychologist and former School Psychologist who has worked with neurodivergent children and teens for more than 20 years. She received her Ph.D. in School Psychology from the University ...
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    36 分
  • How to IEP with Vicki Christensen

    How to IEP with Vicki Christensen
    2026/08/18
    You are not just invited to the IEP meeting. You are part of the team. In this episode, I'm joined by Vicki Christensen, founder of Blue Glasses Advocacy, special education advocate, and parent of two children with IEP experience, for a conversation about helping parents understand their role in the IEP process. Vicki shares that her own advocacy work began after sitting in an IEP meeting for her son Luke, surrounded by professionals, services, goals, assessments, and more information than any parent could reasonably absorb in the moment. Everyone was kind. Everyone seemed well-intentioned. But she left thinking, "I sure hope they do what is right for my son." And as she says in this conversation, that is not how a parent should have to leave an IEP meeting. We talk about why special education can feel like a foreign language, especially for parents who are new to the process. There are acronyms, present levels, services, accommodations, goals, eligibility categories, assessments, and progress reports. The people inside the system may use these words every day, but that does not mean parents should be expected to understand all of it without support. So we talk about asking questions. We talk about cutting yourself some slack. We talk about asking for draft documents or assessments ahead of time, making a simple bullet point list of questions and concerns, and sending that list to the team before the meeting. Nothing fancy. Just enough to help you walk in with a little more clarity. One of the biggest reminders in this episode is that parents are part of the IEP team. Not observers. Not visitors. Part of the team. The student is in the middle, and the adults are around that student, bringing different kinds of expertise. Teachers, therapists, specialists, and administrators may know the classroom, the testing, the services, or the law, but nobody knows your child the way you do. That does not mean the meeting has to become parents versus school. Vicki talks about the importance of keeping the conversation student-centered, collaborative, and focused on what the child needs. Parents can be assertive without being aggressive. They can ask hard questions without burning bridges. They can respect the professionals in the room while also bringing their own knowledge of their child into the conversation. We also get into the IEP document itself, including present levels, goals, accommodations, services, and progress. Vicki explains why more goals are not always better, why goals need to be specific and measurable, and why parents can ask for the work samples or data behind progress reports. If a goal says a child reached 80% accuracy, it is reasonable to ask 80% of what, measured how, and under what conditions. And yes, we talk about emotion too. Parents often apologize for crying or tearing up in IEP meetings, and Vicki is very clear that there is no need to apologize. This is your child. Of course it can feel emotional. The goal is not to become a robot in the meeting. The goal is to stay regulated enough to understand what is being said, ask questions, and participate meaningfully. This episode is practical and reassuring. It is a reminder that parents do not need to know everything before they walk into the room, but they do deserve to understand what is being said. They deserve to ask questions. They deserve support. And they belong at the table. Key Takeaways Special education can feel like a foreign language, especially when parents are new to the IEP process.Parents do not need to know every acronym before they walk into an IEP meeting.Asking questions is not a problem. It is part of meaningful participation.Parents and guardians are part of the IEP team, not outside observers.The student should stay at the center of the conversation.Parents bring essential knowledge because nobody knows the child the way they do.Before an IEP meeting, parents can ask for draft documents, assessments, and progress information ahead of time.A simple bullet point list of questions and concerns can make the meeting more productive.IEP goals should be connected to present levels, areas of need, accommodations, services, and measurable progress.Work samples and data matter because goal progress should be supported by actual evidence. About Vicki Christensen Vicki Christensen is the founder of Blue Glasses Advocacy and the mother of a 21-year-old with global developmental delays who proudly wears blue glasses. Drawing on both professional training and firsthand experience, Vicki helps parents and guardians navigate the special education system with greater confidence, clarity, and understanding. She holds a Special Education Advocacy Certificate from the University of San Diego and is a member of the Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates. Vicki also co-founded the Special Education Advisory Committee in her local school district, organizes inclusive community events, and was honored with the North County Consortium for...
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    33 分
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