What if breastfeeding doesn’t work out, but the mother still deeply wanted it to? What if “at least the baby is fed” skips over the grief she may carry for years? And what if the most helpful support is showing her that the bigger parenting goal is still within reach?

In this episode of The Science Chick Report, Dr. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett closes her three-part series on social support by focusing on mothers who are unable to breastfeed. Some mothers move on easily, but many feel lasting sadness when breastfeeding ends before they wanted it to. For lactation supporters and perinatal health professionals, the goal is to acknowledge the loss without letting it define the mother’s entire parenting experience.

Dr. Kendall-Tackett reframes the conversation around secure attachment. Breastfeeding can support attachment when it is going well, but secure attachment is the larger developmental goal. Drawing on attachment research, she explains why responsive care, caregiver proximity, and emotional connection shape resilience, self-efficacy, stress regulation, and long-term health.

She also challenges the idea that bonding depends only on breastfeeding. Research shows the mother’s subjective feeding experience matters more than feeding type. If breastfeeding, pumping, or triple feeding becomes painful or emotionally damaging, it can undermine bonding. Mothers can still build connection through responsive feeding, paced bottle feeding, babywearing, infant massage, singing, and nurturing touch.

Tune in to learn how professionals can help mothers grieve the breastfeeding experience they lost while still seeing the lifelong impact they can have through secure attachment and responsive care.

In This Episode:
[00:00] Introduction
[00:33] Supporting mothers unable to breastfeed
[02:18] Amy Brown on formula and maternal desire
[03:16] Why loss of breastfeeding does not mean all is lost
[03:57] Secure attachment as the bigger parenting goal
[05:21] When breastfeeding struggles undermine attachment
[06:20] Secure attachment is not the consolation prize
[07:18] Responsive care and the family’s role
[08:05] Internal working models
[09:08] Self-efficacy and the secure base
[11:19] Proximity, responsiveness, and “cry it out”
[13:24] Darcia Narvaez on responsiveness
[14:19] What secure attachment gives children
[16:19] How attachment buffers depression and stress
[18:21] Prenatal cortisol, development, and attachment
[19:46] Attachment, adversity, and PTSD risk
[20:30] Adult health outcomes linked to early attachment
[21:25] The power of one stable adult
[22:20] Feeding method versus bonding
[25:05] Why the feeding experience matters most
[26:35] Responsive feeding and physical contact
[27:47] Babywearing, infant massage, and connection
[35:00] Helping mothers move forward with hope
[36:05] Wrap-up and book reminder

Notable Quotes:

[02:22] “While formula may feed the baby, women's desire to mother in a way that they want does not go away because they can formula feed.” – Amy Brown, quoted by Dr. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett

[03:16] “Loss of breastfeeding does not mean all is lost.” – Dr. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett

[04:02] “Secure attachment supersedes breastfeeding as a parenting goal.” – Dr. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett

[06:33] “A secure mother-infant attachment is not the consolation prize, it is in fact the prize.” – Dr. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett

[25:15] “The maternal subjective feeding experience... was more important than feeding type.” – Dr. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett

Resources and Links
Podcast
The Science Chick Report

Dr. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett

Mentioned in This Episode
Breastfeeding Doesn't Need to Suck by Dr. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett
Amy Brown’s research on maternal psychology and breastfeeding
John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth’s attachment research
Darcia Narvaez’s work on responsive parenting
Babywearing and infant massage research