Ryan and Nicole explain their brief hiatus, reflect on what's transpired since they were out, and examine the ways the relational thread which comprises the focus of the CLOSER podcast will be explored in Season 2, specifically with the inclusion of guests on the show to include therapists, spiritual teachers, spiritual guides, plant medicine journeyers, and more. Discussed: ebb and flow of life, marriage, men and women and friendships, friends of other genders in heterosexual marriages, friends in marriage, transitional times, life and marriage, inability to provide for one another's needs, Rob, Bell, Julian Devoe, Sara Safari, Amy Adams, Matt Powers.

In the previous episode, Ryan & Nicole unexpectedly bumped into some old wounds and found themselves caught up in old dynamics in real-time, trying to process old and new feelings and to care for themselves and each other while touching feelings of struggle, disconnection, and loss. As a result, here in Episode 13, they go back to the therapeutic principle of "process talk," discussing what was happening for them and what they learned.

Discussed: content and process in therapy, process talk, vulnerability, tension, harshness in communication, process talk as central in understanding broader relationship implications, fighting in relational contexts, connection between intimacy and fighting, previous iterations of self, working with tension, intentionality, leaning in, and more.

Ryan and Nicole reflect on recent and historical efforts making friendships in adulthood, recounting the ways that the endeavor is inevitably impacted by who we are and where we are developmentally. In doing so, they unexpectedly bump into some old wounds. Listen in real-time as they try to care for themselves and each other while being put into touch with early feelings of struggle, disconnection, and loss.

Discussed: making friendships in adulthood, making friends with couples, vulnerability, marriage, reflection, deep longing, young motherhood, transitional times, life and marriage, Henri Nouwen, compassion, intentionality, experiencing feedback as pointing out deficits, sadness, loneliness, inability to provide for one another's needs, and more

In this touching and guaranteed tear-jerker of an episode, Ryan reads from a short story that he and Nicole have found to be a mainstay of connection, purpose, and reflection across their marriage. The story is told from the vantage point of a 70-year old man who is writing to his wife in the middle of the night. The letter follows an argument which touches the core of their relationship, and is composed the eve of a visit from their children and grandchildren. It will touch a deep sense of longing within you, and will surely make you laugh and cry. Get ready!!!

Discussed:

Richard Bausch, Letter to the Lady of the House, life and marriage, unresolvable issues in relationships, marriage, reflection, dep longing, and more.

Story & Music Credits:

This episode features a short story written by Richard Bausch, entitled, "Letter to the Lady of the House," originally appearing in the New Yorker in 1989. A special thanks to Mr. Bausch for graciously giving us permission to use the story by email.

This episode also features the song The Brightness Surrounds by Ben McElroy, used in connection with Uppbeat (license code KXK78GVRXAYDI9C2).

Happy New Year! While most people seem to be busy making plans for the new year or reacting to others who are making plans for the new year, Ryan & Nicole turn their attention to the certain inevitability that plans or no, life sometimes hands us small and large disruptions. Among the larger types are those which are so large that their inability to have planned or accounted for them is an essential part of their character. When these come, they beget the necessity of a radical reorientation.

Discussed: New Year, New Year's resolutions, planning, futility in planning, man plans and God laughs, when things don't go according to plan, everything happens for a reason, hopeless positivity, depression, anxiety, panic, grief, full-bodied emotional experiences, evangelical Christianity, solidarity, practicing presence, radical reorientation, vulnerability, caring for yourself well, panic, Thich Nhat Hanh, home is the way, the power of now, and more.

Ryan & Nicole conclude the story of how they met all the way through their enagement and marriage, and then pivot to the larger discussion of the relational threads that emerged, drawing conclusions about intimacy and longevity, and how the former evolves over the course of the latter. In particular, they discuss the concept of "contracts" between intimate partners which are forged at the beginning, often implicitly or sub/unconsciously, and must be discovered, understood, and renegotiated over time.

Discussed: origin story, how we became a couple, engagement and marriage, Richard Boswell, telling stories differently over time, being seen, vulnerability, honesty, seeing one another's best selves, love as honesty, loving honesty vs. cutting, proverb of Solomon, relationship contracts, renegotiating relational contracts, iterations of relationships, 17 us's ago.

Ryan & Nicole begin the story of how they met, with the details going all the way back to 2007 and eHarmony, the mothership and original progenitor of what has since morphed into the world of apps for dating. Realizing that they hadn't told the story in a good long while and having not talked ahead of the podcast, they decided to wing it -- what emerges is humorous, touching, poignant, and always real. And in their signature style, the telling of the story itself is really only half the point -- the rest is to see what new relational threads they discover along the way. What they discover here in Part 1 of 2 surprises even them.

Discussed: origin story, how we became a couple, eHarmony, Sierra Leone, Virginia, Nashville, MySpace, on-again/off-again, early relationship, making my own mistakes, inner conflict in relationships, surety in relationships, staying in a relationship against the advice of others, and more.

Fresh off the heels of Thanksgiving 2024, Ryan & Nicole invite their children, ages 12 and 15, to join them in a several times yearly family ritual to connect, reflect, and share their hearts around themes of gratitude and change.

Discussed: gratitude, change, growth, family, calm, fascination, balance, alignment