audio from a 2 hour youtube live i did on april 20, 2026. i woke up annoyed and didn't know why, shuffled some playing cards, pulled the one that said transparency, and went live. this is what came out.

what i actually get into:

• - the people i come from. my grandmother who kept a pistol and a vibrator in her nightstand and would throw a knife if you came at her sideways. my great-grandmother who was a businesswoman and a madame. why nobody who knows my lineage is surprised i moved to bahia alone with no support system
• - the lie about how digital nomads actually make money. who has a side job they don't tell you about. who lives off social security, child support, a spouse, military benefits. who's trying to sell you a course on something they had handed to them. and who's actually doing the work
• - retainers. why one-off contracts almost broke me. why retainers are the only model that ever gave me consistent income. why people stay scared of the word because they think only attorneys use them
• - the real cost of being a true digital nomad. domain names, hosting, software subscriptions, the things that quietly add up to a car payment every month. why i didn't get a manicure for seven years. why i'm explaining all this instead of selling you a course
• - the gap between how people fashion brazil online vs. how it actually is when you live here. the 2 hour bus commutes service workers do every day. catcalling in nyc vs. walking around safely here. dating as a gringa and the propane-tank-money game
• - what master craftsmanship looks like in the interior of bahia. men who can mix gravel into a fence and climb a tree to bring you fruit. ingenuity that you can't fake. why these are my people and why my mom said "i always knew you'd find your tribe one day"
• - visa types nobody explains properly. digital nomad vs. work vs. student vs. residency vs. citizenship. what it actually costs to do this without getting hustled
• - aging at 52 as a black woman in tech. why i'm not 100% confident about my looks or my work and i still show up. why insurance vs. assurance is a real conversation. why i think people stay stuck in jobs that stress them out specifically because they can't imagine not having medical insurance

a heads up: i forgot i was live for a minute and a few words slipped through. consider this a flag for sensitive ears or kids in the car.

if anything in here lands visit faafo.app. and if you want the rest of what i make: i host other podcasts on the faafo network --- you can find all of them on your favorite podcast app.

doing the dishes in brazil ---there's no hot water at the sink. no garbage disposal. no dishwasher (unless you're wealthy or american). just one basin, cold water, and a squeegee you didn't know you needed.

in this episode: why i boil water every morning and keep it in a thermos. why brazilians clean constantly (it's not what you think). why there are no screens on the windows. the dish-washing method i saw on a telenovela and then watched my brazilian 'friend' do in real life. and why you're never going to find the dishwashing liquid you're used to unless you know where to look.

also: a fork, a spoon, and a knife walk into a pile. pick one. <<<--- but more on this later. kkkkk!

welcome to brazil behind closed doors. this is the stuff no one talks about when they're posting beach photos and sunset

MOVE TO BRAZIL PODCAST - https://rss.com/podcasts/move-to-brazil

👇 RESOURCES FOR YOUR MOVE TO BRAZIL 👇

• The Mothership: https://faafo.app
• All blogs, guides, and resources: https://foolaroundandfindout.com
• Join the Community Hub: https://oibahia.faafo.app

this episode is part cautionary tale, part accidental comedy, part origin story.

what started with me getting locked in a bathroom in salvador turned into something much bigger: the birth of oi bahia, a simple community hub built for people living in bahia, moving here, or trying to make sense of life here without needing ten apps, twenty whatsapp threads, and a small miracle.

NOTE; if you want more content about Bahia specifically you can find that podcast at https://rss.com/podcasts/move-to-brazil

if you already live here, you will understand this episode on a spiritual level. if you are thinking about moving to brazil, this is one of those stories that says more than a polished relocation guide ever could. and if you are one of my friends back in the u.s., yes, this is very on brand. for my tech people and creators, there is also a thread in here about how real solutions get born, and why i believe in documenting the story behind the story before somebody else tries to recycle the idea like they invented electricity.

approximate chapter guide if you want to jump around:

• 00:00 part one begins
• 07:48 message to my friend
• 11:15 introduction to “oi bahia” and how this turned into a real solution
• 29:00 close

times are approximate.

oi bahia is not an app. there is nothing to download. it is a simple hub built to make life easier for people navigating bahia, especially solo folks, newcomers, and anyone who understands that sometimes what you need most is not more noise, just one place that makes sense.

check out: oibahia.faafo.app

this is brasil: behind closed doors. the stories are real. the timing is questionable. the lessons are expensive. the humor is free.

~ sis (aka courtney)

500 years of verified ancestry from a balcony in bahia.

her ancestor charged andrew jackson $75,000 to cross a river. another one organized an armed rebellion at 70 because the letters stopped working. her great-grandmother ran a boarding house, brewed illegal beer, and was the only bank in town.

this episode covers the full arc --- from hiding behind a pseudonym to claiming every ancestor by name with documentation. listen before someone else flattens it into a comeback story. it's not. it's a sovereignty claim.

read. learn. view. evidence. 500 years...

faafo.app --- the bloodline is waiting.

---------------------------

clarification: the 2014 elle magazine piece referenced in this podcast was an interview --- elle featured courtney crosslin as a contributor. the pseudonym discussed in the article was used in the context of online dating and digital privacy, not as a pen name for her published work. the podcast hosts interpreted this as writing under a false identity, which is inaccurate. she has always published under her own name.

this is part two of my talk on centers, specifically for my inner circle - the porch people, vanguard mystery school crew, and those who've stayed with me at the church or came to oklahoma. i'm reflecting on moments of feeling truly alive and what it means to push past invisible boundaries.

i dive deep into my role as a catalyst - someone who gets paid to make people laugh or cry to help them feel alive again. i share stories about my trickster energy (esu), shadow work, and how my real shadow isn't when i'm playful, but when i get all dressed up because that's when i'm about to hurt feelings.

speaking from brazil, i explore the energetic differences between lands and how some places just hold different frequencies. i talk about the responsibility of being an energy reader who doesn't just give readings, but embodies the energy to let people know they're seen and safe.

the core message: freedom starts in your head, we all need people who will push us off cliffs so the net appears, and sometimes the most healing thing is remembering those belly laugh moments where we felt completely ourselves.

key moments/bullet points:

• bicycle freedom story - how we expand boundaries as kids but often get stuck on our "stoop" as adults

• the two rules for visitors - make friends with your shadow or i will, and do your own work

• oklahoma gathering observations - people trying to iron clothes the first few days before letting go

• catalyst website description - "i get paid to make people laugh or cry"

• esu/trickster energy revelation - consistent across all spiritual modalities i've studied

• shadow work redefinition - my shadow is getting dressed up, not being playful • cliff metaphor - taking people to the precipice and pushing them off so they find their net

• brazil foot washing story - profound moment of "honest work" that brought me to tears •

energy frequency comparison - u.s. vs brazil land vibrations and why i feel more at home here

• bamboo portal experience - driving through the canopy leaving the airport felt like entering another world

• movie watching cultural difference - brazilian friend laughing through serious film vs american analysis

podcast description: watching sinners - life, family stories, and living fully

what if the best night of your life came with the highest risk?

fresh off watching the movie "sinners," courtney shares her unfiltered thoughts on living fully, family legacy, and why most people completely missed the point of the film. speaking from her sunrise spot in brazil, she dives deep into what it means to actually live versus just surviving.

key topics covered:

• why "sinners" hit different and what everyone else got wrong

• family stories about boundaries, bras, and throwing knives

• the difference between being resilient vs. actually living

• sagittarian energy and adventure with no questions asked

• whale sightings, bucket lists, and life-changing moments

• why playing it "safe" can become its own prison

• the movie's ending scene that nobody talks about

• generational stories and the families everyone remembers

standout quotes:

"f*ck your quota" - sometimes you need sagittarius energy "that was the best night of my life" - even if it came with consequences "live each day as if it's your fucking last"

this raw, unscripted reflection weaves together movie analysis, family wisdom, and life philosophy from someone who refuses to romanticize resilience and chooses to run toward the devil instead of away from it.

The Portuguese translation can be found below. Visit theengagement.vhx.tv/brasil-behind-closed-doors/season:4 to listen in Portuguese.

🎙️ In this heartfelt and revealing episode, Nicole opens up about what Brasil: Behind Closed Doors means to her—a journey not just across borders, but toward self-acceptance, joy, and generational healing.

👇 RESOURCES FOR YOUR MOVE TO BRAZIL 👇

• Join Oi Bahia! the Community Hub
• The Mothership
• I Don’t Believe In Borders
• YouTube Move to Brazil with Sisi

Neste episódio de introdução cru e real, eu (Courtney) dou o tom para tudo o que esse podcast representa: nada de superproduções ou sons limpinhos de estúdio — só a vida, como ela acontece. Se você está procurando aquele som de estúdio polido, esse não é o lugar. Mas se você quer verdade, risadas e perspectivas cheias de camadas?

Aqui está o que eu abordo neste episódio:

🎫 Poder do Passaporte & Burocracia Por que demorou tanto para conseguir um passaporte — e o que isso tem a ver com mudança de nome, burocracia dos EUA e os efeitos reais de ser uma mulher divorciada na América.

🍻 Leis sobre Álcool & Bebidas Sociais Uma mudança cultural surpreendente: como o consumo de álcool em grupo no Brasil é diferente.

• O vídeo no YouTube que menciono é: https://youtu.be/tg0dByrO7vQ?feature=shared

🛍️ A Magia dos Microempreendimentos De vendedores de rua a empreendedores solo — como realmente é o pequeno negócio na Bahia.

🔍 A Supressão dos Motores de Busca Mesmo sendo especialista em SEO, está cada vez mais difícil encontrar informações reais e locais online. Aqui está o motivo pelo qual "é só dar um Google" não funciona mais.

✊🏽 Comunidade & Qualidade de Vida O que realmente significa construir comunidade e viver bem em um novo país?

🍲 Cestas Básicas, Energia & Vida Cotidiana Um olhar sobre a beleza (e os desafios) inesperados do cotidiano — estilo Bahia.

🧠 Ilusões, Identidade & Urgência De ilusões que caem à vida perto do equador — como geografia, cultura e mentalidade se encontram.

🍎 Maçãs e Laranjas: Colorismo entre Fronteiras Uma conversa delicada sobre como o colorismo aparece nos EUA versus no Brasil.

💃🏾 Imagem Corporal & “Diversidade” A positividade corporal e a diversidade passam por um choque de realidade. O que o Brasil revelou que os EUA ainda não entenderam.

🔮 Ser Médium no Brasil Sim, está na lista. Porque a energia aqui? É de outro nível.

💰 O Mito do “Americano Rico” Ser visto como rico não significa que você é — e como é o malabarismo mental de sobreviver fora do seu país.

🌍 Raízes, Mídia & o Sul Global Para além do “voltar para a África” — exploramos narrativas negras pouco contadas do Brasil à Colômbia.

🚪 Por Trás das Portas (Alerta de spoiler: é o nome do podcast por um motivo.) Algumas coisas só se aprendem vivendo.

🌀 Crescimento, Gratidão & Confusão A mistura estranha de emoções quando a cura encontra a correria.

🏙️ Energia de Brooklyn na Bahia Comparando a vibe dos bairros de NY com a intensidade de uma cidade litorânea — e por que isso importa.

🧬 Assimilação, Tecnologia & Futuros Negros Da construção civil à tecnologia, como o Brasil parece viver entre o passado e o futuro ao mesmo tempo.

Sintonize para ouvir nossas reflexões honestas e sem filtro — e se prepare para conversas com mulheres em todas as fases da jornada: recém-chegadas, veteranas e aquelas que ainda estão decidindo.