Hello and welcome back!

In today's episode I'm sharing a recent experience I had with someone who was trying to manipulate in some pretty blatant and creative ways- so that you can better spot and identify when someone is trying to manipulate and control you.

I'm sharing the story of what happened - and the strategies they were using to deceive, manipulate and exploit me for their personal gain.

I hope this episode helps you to spot these tactics if and when you encounter them in your world!

Podcast Disclaimer

Is It Me or Is It Them? is intended for educational and informational purposes only. While I’m a registered social worker and psychotherapist, this podcast is not therapy and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship.

The ideas and perspectives shared here are general in nature and may not be appropriate for every person or situation. Please use your own judgment and seek support from a qualified professional when needed.

Any examples or stories shared are intended to illustrate common experiences and have been changed, combined, or generalized to protect privacy. Nothing shared on this podcast should be understood as describing a specific client or therapeutic relationship.

The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect my views or professional recommendations.

By listening, you understand that you are responsible for how you choose to apply the information shared.

What if the question isn’t “What’s wrong with me?” — but “What if I’ve outgrown the room I’m in?”

In this episode, April explores a quiet question many self-reflective people carry: What if I’m the problem?

You’ll hear about:

• Why depth and honesty are often mislabeled as “too much”
• How growth can feel isolating, even when you’re loved
• Why editing yourself isn’t the same as being adaptable
• What it can mean to crave deeper, more honest conversations

This conversation isn’t about leaving your relationships or replacing the people in your life.

It’s about understanding what happens when you change—and your inner world has more nuance than your current circle can easily hold.

If this episode resonates, Bold as Love is a small, thoughtful group for women who want a place to speak freely, reflect honestly, and connect without shape-shifting.

Doors are closing soon.

Thanks for listening.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Is there someone in your life who doesn’t take no for an answer? No matter how thoughtful, flexible, or accommodating you try to be, you still end up feeling pushed, dominated, or worn down.

In this episode, we explore what’s actually happening when someone wants control, not connection. If your boundaries consistently create escalation instead of respect, this conversation will help you name the pattern and stop blaming yourself.

You’ll learn how control often disguises itself as care, why your autonomy can feel threatening to certain people, and how power dynamics quietly replace reciprocity in these relationships.

In this episode, we cover:

• The difference between connection and dominance
• Why “trying harder” doesn’t fix control-based dynamics
• Subtle control patterns like decision hijacking, schedule overrides, guilt, and public pressure
• Why boundary violations aren’t misunderstandings
• The relief that comes from correctly naming the problem
• How to take care of yourself without waiting for others to change

If this episode resonates and you want support navigating difficult or draining relationships — while staying grounded in your self-respect — I share more about the Bold as Love Collective, an intimate coaching space for women who are done proving their worth.

Links & Resources:

→ Learn more about the Bold as Love Collective

→ Questions? Email me anytime april@lovelossproject.com

Thanks for listening. I’ll see you next time.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

As the holidays wind down, many women are realizing that despite having the conversations, choosing their words carefully, and doing their inner work, nothing has really changed in their relationships.

In this episode, April explores why talking things through sometimes backfires — and why trying harder to more clear can actually keep you stuck.

The missing piece isn’t better communication.

It’s understanding the competitive vs. collaborative disconnect — and learning how to interrupt gridlock before real connection is possible.

• Why insight and self-awareness alone don’t create relational change
• How well-intended conversations can turn into new fights
• Why rehearsing conversations in your head rarely leads to breakthroughs
• The idea of “relational software” — unconscious templates that drive conflict
• The difference between a competitive mindset (me vs. you) and a collaborative mindset (us vs. the problem)
• Why collaborative people often over-function, explain, or justify — and why that backfires
• How competitive templates interpret explanation as dominance
• Why naming the dynamic matters more than arguing the content
• What it really takes to “open the door” so understanding is possible

• You don’t need to be more patient, calmer, or clearer
• Change doesn’t come from one more perfectly worded conversation
• When one person is in competition and the other is seeking collaboration, conversations will stall
• You cannot explain someone out of a competitive stance
• Real change starts when you stop engaging in win/lose dynamics
• The work is not fixing yourself — it’s learning how to change the relational pattern

• When conflict comes up, do I tend to explain, justify, or prove my point?
• What happens in my body when I feel dismissed or misunderstood?
• Do my conversations feel like a battle — even when that’s not my intention?
• What would change if my first goal was opening the door, not being understood?

This episode reflects the deeper work we practice inside The Bold as Love Collective — a small, intimate group for women who want to stop repeating the same relational patterns and learn how to navigate conflict, connection, and self-respect differently.

The group begins in January.

Details and the link to join.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

We’re taught to toughen up, care less, harden ourselves. But you probably already know that none of that actually works. It doesn't make us safer or more confident, it just sends us into a tug of war with ourselves. In this episode, April unpacks the powerful middle ground — where softness and self-respect can live together — and shares a story that reframes what real strength can look like.

• Why “toughening up” disconnects you from your instincts
• The trap of believing softness equals weakness
• How we confuse fear-based posturing with strength
• The difference between the performance of confidence and genuine grounded power
• What it looks like to be clear without being cruel
• How to listen to your body’s cues instead of overriding them
• The third option between collapsing and attacking
• Why real safety lives in self-trust, not force.

• Softness isn’t vulnerability to harm — it’s your internal compass.
• If you have to try to force someone to respect you and treat you well- you're dealing with a completely different problem.
• Power isn’t making others bend to your will; it’s knowing you can have your own back in any room you walk into.
• Discernment comes from staying connected to yourself and listening to your emotions, not armouring up and shutting down.
• 
  

• Join the Bold as Love Collective Experience (starting January)
• Learn more about the program
• Connect with April on Instagram / Email

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

In this episode of Is It Me or Is It Them?, I walk you through two real-life friendship situations - one that led to a soft, productive conversation, and another that crashed and burned - to help you understand how to make this decision with more clarity and self-assurance.

This episode is especially for you if you tend to overthink conversations, carry resentment quietly, or struggle with knowing when to address something versus adapting your expectations.

• When the hurt or frustration “lingers” and why that’s an important signal
• Why waiting before responding (instead of reacting) can change everything
• What it actually means to “clear the air” — and what you’re really asking for when you do
• A real example of speaking up that led to reassurance, repair, and deeper understanding
• A second example where speaking up led to defensiveness, shutdown, and another problem to be solved.
• How to tell if you’re truly letting something go — or just going quiet and resentful
• Why not every relationship needs the same standards
• How boundaries are often about what you will do differently moving forward
• Letting go of personalization when someone’s behaviour is about their own patterns
• Deciding who still gets a seat at your table — and on what terms
• 
  

If this episode resonates, you’ll love the work we’re doing inside The Bold as Love Collective— a small, intimate coaching collective for women who want to:

• stop overfunctioning and overgiving
• navigate hard conversations with steadiness and clarity
• set boundaries without guilt or explosion
• feel more self-trust, confidence, and integrity in their relationships
• 
  

👉 Learn more here.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Are your expectations a little unrealistic? If you’ve been feeling that pressure to be endlessly composed, endlessly capable, endlessly “fine” — this episode is for you.

We’re talking about the real reason perfectionism shows up (hint: it’s not a personality trait). It’s an old survival strategy your nervous system learned a long time ago… one that might be quietly running your life today.

Inside this episode you’ll hear:

• why your self-criticism spikes when you make a mistake
• how old patterns of people-pleasing and “getting it right” still shape your reactions
• the one question that shows you whether a standard is actually yours — or conditioning
• how perfectionism disconnects you from yourself and your relationships
• what to do in the exact moment you feel the trap door of shame start to open

I also share a real-life story about a mistake I made last week — and how easy it is to fall back into old patterns unless we consciously choose something different.

Perfectionism isn’t about being better.

It’s about feeling safer.

And once you understand that, everything softens.

If this conversation hits close to home…

You’ll love the work we’re doing inside The Bold as Love Collective, my intimate coaching circle for women who want to stop overthinking, stop over-functioning, and start showing up with truth, steadiness, and self-respect — in every relationship they care about.

We start in January, and early registration is now open.

Join us here → [link]

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.