We are often raised on a "fairytale" version of marriage, the belief that love will be romantic, beautiful, and solve all of our problems. But for many women, the clock eventually strikes midnight, the carriage turns back into a pumpkin, and life becomes painfully real. When pornography addiction and betrayal enter the story, the dream doesn't just change; it feels like it has shattered.

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Adam Moore, a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-author of Pumpkins at Midnight: A Woman’s Guide to Love, Dating, and Marriage in the Age of Porn. We discuss the "hubris of the 20-year-old self" who believes she can prepare her way out of pain, why men in the middle of addiction are not "reliable narrators," and how to embrace the messy, in-between "liminal spaces" of recovery.

We talk about:

• The Story Behind the Pumpkin: Why the book's title reflects the moment a relationship shifts from a childhood fantasy to a "very real" struggle with pornography issues.

• The Myth of Preparation: A candid look at the desire to "prepare" our way out of potential pain and the realization that some things can only be understood by living through them.

• Why He Can’t Hear You: Exploring why an addicted partner may lack empathy, ranging from emotional developmental "stunts" to the possibility of being on the autism spectrum.

• The Unreliable Narrator: Understanding that a partner deep in addiction cannot give an accurate account of reality for themselves or the relationship.

• Embracing Liminal Spaces: Learning to tolerate the "limbo" between starting a healing process and being finished with it, and why this in-between zone is actually the norm of life.

• Grief as a Violent Process: Reframing "dumb" behaviors or intense anger as part of a necessary, "violent" grieving process that deserves infinite compassion.

This episode may be especially supportive if:

• You are a young woman in the early stages of a relationship, trying to navigate the discovery of a partner's pornography use.

• You feel like you have "failed" because your hard work and investment didn't yield the immediate recovery results you wanted.

• You are struggling to understand why your partner seems completely unplugged from your emotional pain or interprets your suffering as "persecution" of them.

• You feel "weirdly stuck" in your anger because you fear that moving toward peace means you are condoning the betrayal.

Ultimately, recovery isn't about the butterfly resenting its time as a caterpillar. It is about a perpetual reconciliation with yourself, acknowledging that while the goal may have changed, your value and your journey have not.

Meet the Guest: Dr. Adam Moore

Dr. Adam Moore is a licensed marriage and family therapist with nearly 20 years of experience. He specializes in treating sexual addiction and betrayal and is the co-owner of Sela Health. He is the host of the Pocket Therapist podcast and co-author of Pumpkins at Midnight.

• Dr. Moore’s Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pocket-therapist/id1383613726
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