Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

Why do so many narcissistic abuse survivors remain trapped in self-doubt, shame and hypervigilance, even when they appear highly successful?

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani speaks with Barbara, a New Jersey therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery and complex trauma. Barbara shares how her own experience with therapists who did not understand narcissistic abuse inspired her to pursue specialized training, including Dr. Ramani’s narcissistic abuse certification.

Together, they explore why traditional talk therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy may not be enough for survivors whose trauma is stored in the nervous system. They also explain how treatments such as EMDR and clinical hypnosis can help survivors process painful experiences, challenge deeply rooted beliefs and begin rebuilding a sense of safety.

This conversation also examines why telling a survivor to “let it go” can feel like another form of gaslighting. Healing does not require forgiving an abuser, receiving an apology or waiting for justice that may never come. It means redirecting your energy toward your own peace, identity and future.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why high-functioning survivors still struggle with shame and self-doubt
• How narcissistic abuse affects the nervous system
• Why traditional talk therapy may not address complex trauma
• How EMDR helps the brain process traumatic memories
• What clinical hypnosis looks like in a therapeutic setting
• Why survivors do not have to forgive their abusers to heal
• The difference between guilt, shame and accountability
• How cognitive dissonance keeps survivors attached to toxic relationships
• Why peace may initially feel boring after living in constant chaos
• Reparenting yourself with compassion and gentleness
• Reclaiming your identity after narcissistic abuse
• How to stop waiting for an apology, approval or justice

If you are at the beginning of your healing journey, please remember: You are not broken. You are resilient, you are not alone and you deserve a life built around safety, peace and authenticity.

Barbara currently practices in New Jersey.

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, diagnosis or professional mental health treatment.

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Connect with Barbara

• https://newleafpsychotherapyllc.com
• https://www.instagram.com/newleafpsychotherapyllc4/

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Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

Narcissism Is Everywhere: Childhood Trauma, Toxic Leadership, Power & AI

Trigger warning: This episode includes discussion of childhood trauma, narcissistic and emotional abuse, substance use, overdose, politics, and other potentially difficult subjects.

What happens when a conversation about narcissistic parents becomes a conversation about narcissism everywhere?

In this special live episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani sits down again with Chris Van Linda (@hype.r.vigilance) for an unscripted conversation about growing up with narcissistic and emotionally unhealthy parents, the long-term effects of childhood trauma, and how those same dynamics can show up in workplaces, leadership, technology, culture, and systems of power.

Noelani and Chris explore something many survivors struggle to put into words: why success doesn't always feel like success.

When you've spent childhood learning that your accomplishments belong to someone else, that your role is to please, perform, fix, or remain dependent, adulthood can bring a complicated relationship with achievement. Even objectively successful people may struggle to feel pride, ownership, or satisfaction in what they've accomplished.

They discuss self-sabotage, enmeshment, learned helplessness, family roles, identity, and the process of asking: “Is this actually what I want, or is this who I learned I needed to be?”

The conversation then moves beyond the family system.

What happens when narcissistic behaviors are rewarded in workplaces, corporations, politics, technology, and other positions of power? Noelani and Chris discuss narcissism in executive leadership, trauma-informed organizations, AI and technology, surveillance, cultural norms, fear, social change, and the importance of recognizing how interpersonal dynamics can become systemic ones.

They also explore the uncertainty many people are feeling right now and why naming fear, anger, sadness, hope, joy, and everything in between matters.

This is a wide-ranging, candid conversation about narcissism, trauma, identity, power, technology, culture, and ultimately, reclaiming ownership of your life.

In this episode:

• Growing up with narcissistic and emotionally unhealthy parents
• Why male survivors need to be part of the conversation
• Stage-parent dynamics and children being treated as extensions of their parents
• Why survivors sometimes struggle to feel successful
• Self-sabotage and learned helplessness
• Enmeshment and reclaiming your identity
• Family roles beyond the scapegoat and golden child
• Narcissism in leadership and workplace culture
• Trauma-informed executive leadership
• Why narcissistic behavior can sometimes be rewarded professionally
• Narcissism, power, politics, and cultural systems
• AI, technology, surveillance, and the people creating these systems
• Fear and uncertainty in periods of rapid social change
• Finding your voice after growing up afraid
• Choosing what matters to you and taking action
• Reclaiming your life as your own

Connect with Chris:

• https://www.instagram.com/hype.r.vigilance Chris on Instagram
• https://tinyurl.com/bddemu7bm - Chris on Cameo
• https://bit.ly/4ahfgCz Chris’ Lint.ree

Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest

• https://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/
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Beyond Mommy Dearest explores the impact of narcissistic and emotionally immature parenting and what it takes to heal, break generational cycles, rebuild self-trust, and come home to yourself.

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Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

What does it actually take to break the cycle after growing up with a narcissistic mother?

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, I sit down with Leighna, The Cycle Breaking Coach, for an unfiltered conversation about growing up as the black sheep, recognizing abuse, going no contact, and discovering that leaving the relationship is sometimes only the beginning of healing.

Leighna shares how becoming a mother changed the way she understood her own childhood and forced her to confront behaviors she could no longer explain away. We talk about the survival patterns daughters of narcissistic mothers can carry into adulthood, including hypervigilance, self-sabotage, enmeshment, shame, black-and-white thinking, and constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We also get into an important distinction: survival behaviors are not necessarily character flaws. Sometimes the behaviors we hate about ourselves were once the very things that helped us survive.

Leighna and I discuss:

• Being the black sheep in a narcissistic family system
• Going no contact with a narcissistic mother
• Why no contact doesn't immediately make everything better
• Trauma bonds and why leaving can feel impossible
• Self-sabotage as a survival mechanism
• Shame versus guilt after narcissistic abuse
• Hypervigilance and nervous system dysregulation
• Enmeshment and learning to stop looking for someone else to save you
• BPD, attachment, and the stigma surrounding mental health
• Therapy versus coaching and the role each can play
• Reconnecting with yourself after years of being conditioned to ignore your own needs
• Breaking generational cycles as a parent
• Why healing doesn't have to be a lifelong sentence
• What emotionally healthy relationships actually look and feel like

One of my favorite moments in this conversation comes when Leighna describes a healthy relationship as “a landing place with no requirement to land.”

Healthy love allows two people to remain individuals. It makes room for different emotions, interests, needs, and identities without demanding that one person disappear to keep the other comfortable.

And perhaps the most important message of this entire conversation:

You have the power. They do not.

Breaking the cycle isn't about pretending the abuse didn't affect you. It's about recognizing what you learned in order to survive, deciding what no longer serves you, and slowly choosing something different.

Books Mentioned

• I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy — https://amzn.to/4gjazdB
• Half His age by Jennette McCurdy — https://amzn.to/4xeKL9W
• I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me — https://amzn.to/4qqzAbw

Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest

• https://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/
• https://www.tiktok.com/@beyond.mommy.dearest
• https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/
• https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondMommyDearest
• http://www.beyondmommydearest.com

Connect with Leighna | The Cycle Breaking Coach

• https://www.instagram.com/thecyclebreakingcoach/
• The Cycle-Breaking Coach (@eighteightyeightcoaching)TikTok · The Cycle-Breaking Coach1.3K+ followers

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