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  • What They Didn’t Tell Me About My Autistic Body… That Remembers Everything

    What They Didn’t Tell Me About My Autistic Body… That Remembers Everything
    2025/09/12

    Content Note: Sexual abuse, family trauma, therapy processing, strong language, intense emotional content

    Video Summary

    This live piece cuts to the bone of what trauma recovery actually looks like. When your brain works differently. And your body never forgets.

    What happens when you finally see yourself clearly in a therapist's mirror?When rage becomes the only honest response to betrayal? When family protection fails and the body becomes your only witness?

    Studies report as many as 75% of all adult autistics have experienced trauma. And specifically sexual trauma? From 60 to 75% across a lifetime.

    No therapeutic jargon. No sanitized healing narratives. Just the raw truth that most trauma content won't touch. In plain, direct language that doesn't hide behind disease-based, diagnostic terms.

    Free Resources & Purchase Links

    👉 Subscribe free to AutisticAF Substack and get a free PDF of the entire "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" collection.

    👉 Support this work → Available on Amazon as ebook or softcover. "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" - Exclusive hardcover edition coming soon.

    Key Themes Explored:

    * Childhood sexual abuse and the body's persistent memory

    * Family dysfunction and protective failure

    * Therapy processing and breakthrough moments of clarity

    * Autistic self-recognition during trauma recovery

    * Rage as a healing response to violation and betrayal

    * The witness within - how the body always remembers

    Who This Speaks To:

    * Trauma survivors seeking authentic voices about recovery

    * Adult autistics processing childhood experiences

    * Family members trying to understand complex trauma dynamics

    * Therapists and counselors working with neurodivergent trauma survivors

    * Anyone who knows that healing isn't linear or pretty

    Discussion Starters:

    * How does neurodivergence affect trauma processing and memory?

    * What does authentic trauma recovery look like beyond inspiration narratives?

    * How do family systems enable or prevent healing from abuse?

    * When does rage become a necessary part of recovery?

    Connect:

    Share your thoughts on trauma, healing, and truth-telling below. Hit subscribe for more unfiltered autistic perspectives.

    Full Transcript

    A son no more. Yet the body abides.

    This one's a little rough for me. Maybe for you. Trauma. Well, it's it's a fucking bitch, too.

    The Body Abides

    "Like I told you

    Nothing really happened

    Can't sleep is all..."

    He repeats his view,

    "The body watches.

    The body ALWAYS

    Fucking watches."

    "Yeah, he kissed me

    Fathers do that.

    Yeah, it was weird but..."

    He whispers me,

    "Your body, your witness.

    And this witness ALWAYS

    Fucking watches."

    Then he leans in…

    "What if he'd kissed

    your sister's lips...?"

    "I'd fucking kill him."

    That's when...

    i see me

    in his mirror

    watching myself

    watch my self

    transparently autistic

    a son no more,

    yet the body...

    abides.

    images, never shared

    images… never dared

    hard, wet, frantic

    fumbling… bare

    rage

    dark rage

    Screaming RAGE

    i'd fucking kill him

    fucking kill him

    kill him

    him.

    i rise...

    so

    slowly

    and fucking smash that mirror

    i rock, i sway…

    i rub one red eye.

    i stand, I stare…

    I sigh, I say,

    "My body watches

    The body ALWAYS

    Fucking watches…"

    into a mirror staring nowhere

    As I close his office door...

    I abide.

    #AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click below to receive new posts and the free PDF of “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head.” To support my work, please consider choosing a paid subscription.



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe
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    3 分
  • Live Autistic Truth: "Dancing Close to the Edge of the Noise"

    Live Autistic Truth: "Dancing Close to the Edge of the Noise"
    2025/09/09

    👉 Subscribe… free or paid… to Substack, get a free PDF of the entire "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" collection.👉 Support my work → Available as Amazon ebook or softcover. Exclusive hardcover edition coming soon.

    Content Note: Strong language, neurodivergent struggles, communication barriers

    Video Summary

    A raw piece that captures what it feels like to be autistic and ADHD at 71—trying to communicate through the static and distortion of a damaged system.

    Plain, direct language. No hidden meanings to decode. Just the real experience of feeling like "a brilliant creative soul trapped in a damaged body and neurology."

    Using the metaphor of a short-circuiting transistor radio, this piece asks the question every neurodivergent person knows: "Do you understand at all what I mean?"

    Content Note: Strong language, neurodivergent struggles, communication barriers

    Key Themes Explored:

    * Communication barriers that autistic and ADHD people face daily

    * The transistor radio metaphor for neurodivergent expression through "static and distortion"

    * Feeling trapped between brilliant inner life and damaged external systems

    * Seeking understanding from other neurodivergent people

    * AuDHD experience (autism + ADHD) at 71 years old

    * The struggle to "just be heard" through intermittent short-circuits

    Who This Speaks To:

    * Adults with autism, ADHD, or both (AuDHD)

    * Anyone who feels misunderstood or struggles to communicate their inner experience

    * People seeking authentic neurodivergent voices without academic filtering

    * Those who relate to feeling like their "wiring" interferes with expression

    * Readers interested in metaphor-based understanding of neurodivergent experience

    Discussion Starters:

    * Do you relate to the transistor radio metaphor for neurodivergent communication?

    * How does it feel when your internal experience doesn't match what others see?

    * What metaphors help you explain your neurodivergent experience to others?

    * Have you found your "tribe" of people who understand without explanation?

    Full Transcript

    Well, I feel closer to the spoken word tradition than poetry. I I just ain't that fancy. This first one, I thought I'd start with uh a metaphor, something that autistics see right away, and I think it will help uh this autist.

    So, this is

    Dancing Close to the Edge of the Noise

    # asking AUDHDists.

    Bear with me a minute. I'm autistic plus ADHD.

    I feel like a a brilliant creative soul as if trapped in a damaged body and neurology.

    um trying to communicate with the world through an intermittently short-circuiting transistor radio playing through static and the distortion and sparking circuits to just be heard.

    Do you understand at all what I mean?

    # actually autistic# ADHD# really AUDHD.

    This free podcast is supported by listeners like you. Please like and share. It's the biggest thing you can do to help all neurodivergent voices beat the algorithm.

    Connect:

    * Share your own "transistor radio" moments below

    * Tag an AuDHDist who gets it

    * Hit the bell for new releases in this 5-week spoken word series

    #AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click… free to receive new posts and "every clock" PDF. To support my work, consider choosing a paid subscription.



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe
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    2 分
  • Live Autistic Truth: "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head"

    Live Autistic Truth: "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head"
    2025/09/05

    Free Resources & Purchase Links

    👉 Subscribe… free or paid… to Substack, geta free PDF of the entire "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" collection.

    👉 Support my work → Available as Amazon ebook or softcover. Exclusive hardcover edition coming soon.

    Content Note: Strong language, mental health struggles, time anxiety

    Video Summary

    A live piece that cracks open what it really feels like to be autistic in this world.

    No sanitized inspiration porn. No academic bullshit. Just the real lived experience. In plain, simple language. With no hidden meanings to decode.

    About the time anxiety. The grief. The moments of transcendent peace we may find… alone… in the flow.

    Content Note: Strong language, mental health struggles, time anxiety

    Key Themes Explored:

    * Time anxiety and deadline pressure that many autistic adults face

    * Sensory overwhelm from constant notifications and time pressures

    * Nature as sanctuary and healing space for neurodivergent minds

    * Authentic autistic experience without sugar-coating or toxic positivity

    * Mental health struggles with honesty and vulnerability

    Who This Speaks To:

    * Adults discovering or living with autism

    * Anyone struggling with time anxiety and deadline pressure

    * People seeking authentic mental health poetry

    * Those who find peace in nature and solitude

    * Readers interested in neurodivergent perspectives on daily life

    Discussion Starters:

    * How does time pressure affect your daily autistic experience?

    * What spaces or practices help you find relief from overwhelming expectations?

    * Do you relate to the contrast between societal time demands and natural rhythms?

    Full Transcript

    So now, uh, we maybe know each other a little better. Let's cut deeper.

    My time, it can't be measured. Not a dimension. It's a force.

    A violent force.

    every clock is a handgun pointed at my head

    III

    Every clock is a handgun pointed at my headEvery tick, tick… fucking tickTolling Fear, Doom… dreadClick. Slide. Cock… click.

    Every night a mantra echoes through my headTV static… a crazy-making humSinging Dream, Drempt… dead…Not done. Not done. Not done… undone.

    10, 9, 8… Dread7, 6, 5… Fear4, 3, 2… BEEP.Shoot the moon… or the country next doorCountdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead.

    Bound behind doors, bound in my headPace, paces, pacing… pacedEvery BEEP.Of the phone.Stops…my heart....I crash out with a scream for escape

    II

    Woods

    Deep woods

    Deepest woods

    My ears flyfrom bird songto bird song.

    A raptor circles then spiralsCrossing lines now dead

    Wind steals my breathTaking words never said

    This skin bag of atmosphereBreathes new air

    When the sun risesFirst it is coolThen it gets warmThe day passes

    Clouds above my head.Shaped by wind

    Outside my bodyThe same wind

    Inside my bodyThesameWind

    Yet…

    I

    10, 9, 8… Dread7, 6, 5… Fear4, 3, 2… BEEP.Shoot the moon… or the country next doorCountdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead.

    Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head

    zero

    Connect:

    * Share your time anxiety experiences below

    * Hit the bell for new releases

    #AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click… free To receive new posts and “every clock” PDF. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscription.



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe
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    4 分
  • Living truth from an autistic bad-ass...

    Living truth from an autistic bad-ass...
    2025/09/02

    Someone wrote me: "These knocked me sideways... I spent so much time as an undiagnosed autistic girl, wondering if I was the alien dropped among the normies."

    This is "A Swirl of Flesh-Colored Fog." Living truth. Autistic style.

    👉 VIDEO: A Swirl of Flesh-Colored Fog - 6:01

    I can't see faces. When I try to remember someone - even my wife - I see what I call "a swirl of flesh-colored fog."

    This piece is about wanting to be friends. About struggling with that simple human desire… when your brain doesn't work the way the world expects.

    No clinical terms. No hidden meanings. Just what it's like to be me. And maybe, if you're autistic, a little about what it's like to be you.

    This is piece one of thirteen exploring autism, family, and finding authenticity. Not here to inspire you - here to give you an experience of a life.

    Watch if you want. Share if it moves you.

    Stay weird.

    —Johnny

    P.S. If this resonates, my full chapbook "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" is available on Amazon. More living truth, autistic style.

    #AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click to receive new posts… free. To support my work, consider choosing a paid subscription. All subscribers automatically receive a free PDF of the Amazon book, “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head.”



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe
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    6 分
  • Autistic Family & Other Mysteries, Live Spoken Word, 8/31/25

    Autistic Family & Other Mysteries, Live Spoken Word, 8/31/25
    2025/08/31
    Thanks to everyone who tuned in! Free or paid subscribers? Join me for my next live video in the app. Gonna be a Trigger Warnings kinda take on old men with their fingers on THE Button. This week…Here’s my speaking script from this live performance. Close to a transcript, but I changed a few lines on the fly… some even on purpose.Today I’m talking family, friends, love… not known as autistic “superpowers.” So let’s start with a quick blow up of the whole fucking superpower thing.1. After the SecretI have strengths.Not one is my superpower.I have challenges.Not one is my kryptonite.I'm that kid in third gradeDropdropdroppingA mysterious blue crystalInto that test tube—Squealing in delightEvery time it explodes…In purple streams.I love cosplay.But I don’t have to flyWear a maskOr sport a capeTo be autistic.Still…I get to be the heroor bald evil geniusof my own life.2. ShamelessFamily is freaking complex. For me? More disappointment, failure to meet expectations. Not being the son… or brother… the family ordered.Live long enoughYa get a lot right,Get a lot wrong.Get to knowWell enoughYa can’t be a saintLurking in shadow…Living life perfectlyShameless.Shameless.Oh let me beShameless…No sun setsOn a painless life,So no moon shinesOn a stainless wife.Oh let me be… comeShameless.Scaling Mount MarcyThat night as Elvis died,Got branded a MountebankAs my sister grew colder.Stalking Death ValleySame sister… now dead… to meSame stars… chill my shouldersNow living life perfectlyShameless…Shameless.Oh let me beShameless…No peak capsAn aimless life,And no grave ever filledBy a blameless knife.Oh let me be… comeShameless…No mask hidesThe pain in life,So no words canExplain my fight.So, let me Be… comeShameless.I call this one it burns. I didn’t write it about autism. But families face terrible trials. This was my response to one.3. IT BURNSUp your noseOr in your armIt burnsFirst your charmThen your poseIt burnsNo one learnsThe next child will yearnTil It burnsStill burnsOh it burnsIt burns you upIn the mirrorThat dark strangerStares back at youWild-eyed dangerBut you don't fear herIt's youRight on cueShe's seen things you'd never doBut it's youCuz Baby, it's youIt's you nowWhat won't you doBridges burntTowns ashes.Poppa burntMom ashes.BeautyAshes.DutyAshes.HomeAshes.DreamsSmoke…Lovers turn to johnsBurnt.BabiesBurnt.WombBurnt.BrainBurnt.EyesBurnt out…Up your noseOr in your armIt burntFirst your charmThen your poseIt burntNo one learnedYour next child yearnedTil It burntStill burntOh it burntIt burnt you upAte you upNo one homeJust burnt bones....Okay. Hello… family? Friends? I wasn’t born to produce. I was born to observe, experience… then overshare.4. A Shooting Star Has No Purposemy autistic life...failing upwardtoward collapse...?succeeding downwardtoward joy...?it's a quantum thing.the answer is simply...yes.I was not put on this planetto produce.I was born to experience.Observe...and over share.our lives' value isnot measuredby clicks.or data mined by AI.a shooting starslashing through darknesshas no purpose.unlessit ignitesa human instant.illuminates, ya know…that ness…this breathand this moment…all we possess.All.I ain’t gonna lie. This one’s rough. And long. And complex. It may not need a T.S. Eliot pretentious footnote. But I try to intertwine family, control, and religion. And real events from the winter of 97-98. When the Hale-Bopp comet was fading in the Northern New York skies. And the memory of the Heaven’s Gate suicide cult was still fresh in the national mind.This is a hybrid piece. In my mind it’s a movie. With scenes, background music. Jump cuts. But you guys probably loved Pulp Fiction. So I pray you can follow me.5. sneaking your mother’s creepy g-d on highPrelude, December 1997I begin, “There…There's Heaven's Gate.”She fiddles with the binox dials.“Where should I look?”She asks breathless,Trudging bootless.I barely hear herOver the crackling snowBeneath my feet, but say,“There…That smudge in the sky.”I point again.UFO CultChooses Suicide,The TV said.Thirty-nine bodiesIn matching Nikes,The photo read…I close wet eyesTo the hiss & sizzleOf the Northern LightsOver my head,SilenceThen the cold murmurof the cold mother...“That's why they died?”She shrugs.My eyes open… careful, I shrug,“Maybe… they saw a signal from aliens.Or maybe God on high.Who knows what grimdark signThey read that silent night…”Wordless, clueless… a comet sailedRibbons of green and purple light.One cold blue, one hot pink tailFading from history’s sight…So we stroll on intoFake New Year’s dinnerCuz not everyoneCould schedule inThe Real One.How rare it isA two-tailed comet in the sky,A lover doesn’t lie with her eyes,To greet one free man before you die,How rare it isHow rare it isDinner Musicmy mother in a halo of candlesmy mother wrapped in smokemy mother in dark shadowsmeasuring the length of my ropeShe gathers...
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    33 分
  • Live Spoken Word, "every clock is a handgun" — s05e07

    Live Spoken Word, "every clock is a handgun" — s05e07
    2025/08/30
    👉 YouTube Video of this live spoken word performance👉 “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head,” Amazon book & ebookCold OpenI feel like a brilliant creative soulas if…trapped in a damaged body& neurologytrying to communicate with the worldthrough an intermittently short-circuiting transistor radioplaying through static& the distortion& sparking circuits…to just be heard.Do you understand at all what I mean?IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 7 is special. This live spoken word performance comes straight from my first Amazon book, "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head." Raw insight into my autism… and ADHD.No hidden meanings. Nothing to decode. Just real life. Meant for autistics who need to be seen… And for family, allies, and researchers who want to see us truly. Not through Hollywood's lens of Rain Man and Love on the Spectrum.Just one 72-year-old autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: Frank discussion of trauma, including sexual abuse. Because… frankly… most autistics I've known survived trauma. This material may be triggering.Subscribers to my Substack receive a free PDF of the entire book. Links to Amazon book and ebook are in the podcast notes.Btw, tomorrow, Sunday 8/31, I'm doing another live performance for subscribers. 12:45 Eastern, 4:45 UTC.With that? Let's dive right in.Live Spoken Word Performance, 8/24/251. Dancing Close to the Edge of the NoiseThought i’d start with a metaphor… something that autistics see…right away. And I think will help.. This autist at least… be seen.#AskingAuDHDists…bear with me a minute.I'm autistic+ADHD.71.i feel likea brilliant creative soulas if…trapped in a damaged body& neurologytrying to communicatewith the worldthrough an intermittentlyshort-circuiting transistor radioplaying through static& the distortion& sparking circuits…to just be heard.do you understand at all what I mean?#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #ReallyAuDHD2. That Song I'll Never Sing to My Son So let me build another bridge. Who doesn’t relate to children.Like some angelWith a dislocated shoulderHalf f l y i n g H a l f fallingYounger to olderFrom the day I was born.Tumbling to earthRushing up belowBody on f i r eH e a r t aflameIn s l o – m o ,a horror picture show…To a silent piano score…Like that songI’ll never singTo my son.Like that songLike this song….Don’t be a dickReal talk…It’s harder than you think…Listen up…Maybe…Don’t mask… protecting othersDon’t please yourselfLess than bosses & lovers…Hold up…Most of all…Don’t forgetTo have a kidLike you mightForgetThat call-in contestYou just knewYou could winCuz you knew all the words….Gimme a minute.I need a minute…Like some angelThrown outta heavenH a l f fallingHalf f l y i n gFrom what should’ve been…The day I was born.Like that songOn that game show…That I’ll never sing…To that sonI never hadHell,Like this song.3. My Friend BillyOne last bridge. Before we maybe jump off the cliff… They say we don’t having emotions. Or make friends. Clue… I ain’t Spock.65Going on death,Woke to a frozen worldWhere no car creptA day no singing birdWas left aliveA day another friendSighed his last breathPolar vortexBlew thru my trailerWrapped windows in blanketsStale air hung like failureCranked the ovenCracked its doorSealed the entries to my lifeLike a bunker in warSettled in for a day alonePicked up the phoneMy only open door…Wars, rumors of warsDisasters revealedDisasters concealedAcross its screenA dying world's dreamsI read the news,A politician liesLocal man dies…Wind froze my heartAnother sun setsThat'll never riseAnother friendWhere I can't hear his criesBilly…I wish I were that poetSay, Yeats sweet voiceOr at least L. CohenRaised in bitter rejoiceTo toast his life of rough edgesBut I see him clearTears in his eyesLaffingHow he outraced copsAcross Arizona desertsOr burnt a scumbag dealerOr how his child came to be bornCryingAbout a woman he lovedThose kids he missed seeingLocked in his roomPicking at scabsDyingOne bottle at a timeHe lived for loveHe lived for laughsHe left little moreThan a church full of folksWho missed him for an hourHe was Billy.And now years laterHe won't leave my autistic mindAnd still laffs in my autistic heartTeaching it how to praise.AdHey… quick favor? Social media algorithms bury voices like ours. But if you hit subscribe, like, or share? A lot more people may get a chance to truly see autism. One click does a lot of good.4. every clock is a handgun pointed at my head So now we… maybe… know each other a little better. Let's cut deeper… My time? It can’t be measured. Not a dimension… perhaps yours. It’s a force. A violent force.IIIEvery clock is a handgun pointed at my headEvery tick, tick… fucking tickTolling Fear, Doom… dreadClick. Slide. Cock… click.Every night a mantra echoes through my headTV ...
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    24 分
  • Trigger Warnings 2: Not Everything's Funny: Colbert, Trump .. & Hiroshima

    Trigger Warnings 2: Not Everything's Funny: Colbert, Trump .. & Hiroshima
    2025/06/28
    Cold OpenI just heard the duly-elected President of these United States... Donald J. Trump... brag about dropping the atom bomb. On Hiroshima.My god.Steven Colbert? Jon Stewart...?Once, these guys were subversive... were daring. But...But with troops still in the California streets and missiles in Mid-Eastern air...Haven't comedians become nauseatingly... tone dead?When the Comedy stops being funny…We're in deep shit. Especially anybody different. Like, say… autistics..[music theme]IntroYou’re listening to Trigger Warnings, episode 2 … a new project of AutisticAF Out Loud podcast.I'm Johnny Profane. Your fiercely divergent guide to what's actually happening in the news.Gimme 10 minutes? I'll give you my neurodivergent world.Today: “Not Everything's Funny: Colbert, Trump .. & Hiroshima.” Military deployments in two cities, Constitutional challenges mounting, and one burning question: Are we witnessing democratic norms under assault in real time? And trying to just laugh it off?For an ever deeper dive, I’ve included footnotes and readings in the subStack.Content Note: civil unrest, military deployment, law enforcement actions, concerns about democratic institutions + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[music theme]ShowAct 1: The Unprecedented BreakI just heard the duly-elected President of these United States... Donald J. Trump... brag about dropping the atom bomb. On Hiroshima.[1]At a NATO summit.In front of the world.My god.Let me tell you what just happened. Because the News? They aren't "reporting" just how fucked up this really is.[music freedom, 8 bars]No President Has Ever Done ThisSince the guy who dropped those bombs in 1945…Harry Truman…stopped defending his decision…cuz he stopped being president in 1952.No American president since… has dared… brag about Hiroshima. Or Nagasaki.[2]Not one.You know why? Because even the worst of them understood something. Those bombs killed 200,000 people.[3] Mostly civilians. Women. Children. Grandparents.Even Eisenhower… the guy American history class sayswon World War II… Even he said the bombing "never ceased troubling me." He called it completely unnecessary.[4]Obama visited Hiroshima in 2016.[5] He didn't apologize. But he didn't brag either.Reagan talked about nuclear weapons. But he said "a nuclear war can never be won."[6]Every president since Truman understood this was serious shit. Sacred ground. You don't joke around about vaporizing cities.Not Trump.He's bragging. Comparing his conventional strikes to atomic bombs. Like it's a video game."We have the best nuclear technology," he said. "The best equipment in the world."Like… nuclear weapons were toys.[music]Trump Just Shattered “Normal”Yesterday at the NATO summit in The Hague, Trump compared his strikes on Iran to Hiroshima.His exact words: "I don't want to use an example of Hiroshima. I don't want to use the example of Nagasaki, that was essentially the same thing. That ended that war, this ended this war."[7]He was bragging. Bragging about nuclear destruction. Like a fucking business deal."That hit ended the war," he said. Chest puffed out. Proud as hell.This is what we've come to. The President casually referencing the incineration of 200,000 humans… as a model for current policy.At an international summit.On camera.With full makeup.[music 8 bars, freedom]You know social media… if you take a sec to hit subscribe, like, share? A lot more people will check it out. Just one click… and you do a lotta good.[music, freedom]The Comedy ProblemHow are we supposed to respond? Where's the outrage?In other words, where are the comedians? Most Gen Z-ers and younger get their news from late night comedy shows.[8]Colbert will try out a "new" joke tonight. Stewart will do his smirk. They'll treat this like another Trump gaffe they can mine for laughs.[9]But it's not funny anymore.Once, these guys were subversive... were daring. But...Haven’t they become nauseatingly... tone dead?You can't satirize someone who's already become a parody of human decency. Someone the scriptures of all major religions would label simply… evil?Bragging about mass murder... what the fuck is left to mock?Comedy works when there's a shared understanding of normal. When people have shame. When some lines… you just don't cross.But Trump crossed the biggest. With a smile. Not one objection from a room full of reporters. Just brief sneers from a TV full of comedians.So, Canary-in-the-coal-mine time….When the Comedy stops being funny…We're in deep shit. Especially anyone different. Like, say… autistics…[music]Why This MattersThis isn't about politics. Left or right.This is about what kind of country we are.For 80 years, American presidents understood that Hiroshima was different. Special. Unspeakable.[10]They might defend it…quickly, quietly. Say, “It saved lives.” Then quickly, move on.They understood Power comes with burdens… responsibility, accountability...
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    13 分
  • Doc, You Got Us All Wrong, Pts 1 & 2

    Doc, You Got Us All Wrong, Pts 1 & 2
    2025/06/19
    Cold OpenYou wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"…But missing the whole damn forest we know locally as "Survival."[Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience]IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 5. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience.”Deficits… or strengths? Survival… or thriving? Pathology… or inborn, natural autistic behavior? We turn the diagnostic telescope around. Let’s focus on the forest of resilience behind every leaf labeled "deficit."An experimental multi-part series… all around 10 minutes. Because some neurodivergent listeners like to binge in small bites. Or you can download Part 1 and Part 2 at once… for listeners who crave the whole enchilada in one sitting.Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: trauma discussion, medical system critique, institutional discrimination, psychiatric hospitalizations, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[Music]What I tell any therapist… any caregiver… first session:I have survived physical and sexual abuse from family and schoolmates.Bullying by teachers and fellow students… 2nd grade through high school.Multiple professional crashes… in multiple careers.At least a dozen firings.2 evictions.1 bankruptcy.Dozens of major household moves.Few friends, and…2 divorces, 3 "living togethers," and a couple of "serious" relationships that, well…, weren't?Ain't this resilience?Resilience. Ya know, that cap-and-gown term pros use for getting knocked down seven times. Stubbornly getting up… eight...I'm still alive. Still creating. Still getting published. Still speaking to thousands of autistics a year.Never attempted suicide... despite three hospitalizations.AND I'm still autistic. Cuz there ain't no cure for something that ain't wrong. Unless you base your "medical model" on some statistical "normal"… which is just a made up story. Cuz not one living person is summed up by a Bell curve normal… not even within a standard deviation.Yes, yes… yes. Some professionals are evolving. Pros who listen more than lecture. But face it. In the grand scheme of things… they’re rare.Let's get clear right now, right here. It's not being autistic that creates our trauma. It's living autistic in a society that inflicts trauma on us. Refusing to accept, adapt… support… us.Why do "helping" pros focus on my deficits, my lacks, my pitiful performance of “Activities of Daily Living”…? Like, did I shower today…? No.Rather than the sheer strength of will I demonstrate every time I take my next breath?Why do they offer to fix me,inform me,guide me, andcharge me for sessions,mentoring,workshops,best-selling books,SYSTEMS they've just invented…based on… at best… incomplete research?[Music]You know social media… if you like and share this podcast, a lot more people will check it out. You can do a lot of good with just one click.You wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out.Turn my every inborn neurodivergent characteristic into a disease. You do have powerful diagnostic tools…But you're looking through that diagnostic telescope backwards. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"… But missing the whole damn forest that we know locally as "Survival."Like my "failure to maintain eye contact.” A “social deficit.” Right... completely missing how that survival skill lets me process your words… without painful sensory overload. My form of my respect… for you.Go ahead and use professionally, objectively disempowering terms, like "comorbidity"... betraying your bias that my very way of Being is… in your eyes… a disease. And then riff on, elaborate away: "pathological demand avoidance," "obsessive-compulsive disorder," "borderline personality disorder,"And on and on… and on.Truth? Every diagnosis? Just another survival mechanism. Not symptoms of autism. Responses to how society treats autism.Behaviors that kept me alive… in your world. While you obsess over what's "wrong" with me…Or… we could build on my autistic strengths.Look, none of us have all of these. And superpowers don’t exist. Some have strengths not listed. But if you aren’t looking for them? Likely, you’re mis-treating us.* Resilience: Just surviving multiple, severe stressors is a biggie. Every autistic adult you meet has adapted to extreme challenges. Most of us… traumatized. Yet we endure. We integrate. We keep going.* Deep Feeling: Pros call ‘em "mood swings." We call it feeling everything… deeply. Depth that drives our creativity… in science, art, writing, becoming lunatic billionaires… or the cool neighbor next door.. It's not a flaw. It's fuel.* Survival Skills: My life, my continued existence… is my proof. Just as any autistic adult's life is. We've survived devastating life events. With inner ...
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