『#AutisticAF Out Loud』のカバーアート

#AutisticAF Out Loud

#AutisticAF Out Loud

著者： Johnny Profane (Knapp Âû)
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 One Voice... Raw. Real. Fiercely Autistic.

johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.comJohnny Profane (Knapp Âû) 心理学 心理学・心の健康 社会科学 衛生・健康的な生活
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  • Family, School, Work? They created this autistic bad@$$.

    Family, School, Work? They created this autistic bad@$$.
    2025/11/24
    Where does my autistic rage come from? Not from being born wrong. From being raised, schooled, mocked, trained, therapped, and medicated into it.This is about the source. The ones who created what they blamed us for. No apologies, no redemption arc—just the accusation.Content note: Strong language, family trauma, discussion of rage & medical consequences of the rage they told us to keep inside + the experiences & opinions of one autistic elder. Born in 1953.👉 Gift Season: “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head”https://a.co/d/3e0Uc7iRaw spoken word & art exploring autistic experience without the inspiration porn.Perfect for:* Your autistic or ADHD someone (the gift of being seen)* That someone who isn’t... and wants connection (the gift of understanding)👉 Get the chapbook, “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head”: https://a.co/d/3e0Uc7i👉 Full text & community: https://substack.com/@johnnyprofane1👉 Live Autistic Truth playlist: 25 live performances of autistic spoken wordChapters:0:11 Intro: Where Autistic Rage Comes From1:05 I Wasn’t Born this Way1:19 F#&% that Noize1:23 The Nightmare Was You1:41 Being Me around… You1:57 So Many Yous2:07 I Blame You3:11 “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head” chapbooRecorded live, November 2025. Minimal production—raw delivery, authentic processing.This piece discusses:Autistic burnout and rage, family trauma and estrangement, school trauma, workplace discrimination, forced masking consequences, neurodivergent anger, medical consequences of chronic stress (including stroke), unmasking and living authentically.#ActuallyAutistic #AutisticRage #FamilyTrauma #SchoolTrauma #Neurodivergent #AutismBurnout #SpokenWord #NeurodivergentVoices #AutisticAF #UnmaskingAutisticAF Out LoudNot here to inspire you. Here to give you an experience of a life.Born to raise hell. Autistic style.Transcript:Family, school, work...? They created this autistic badass. I wasn’t born under a star named Rage.I’m going to read something. It’s a little bit on the, uh... I don’t know, testy side? And it’s a work in progress. No inspiring ending... yet. Maybe never. Because sometimes there isn’t one.This is about where autistic rage comes from. I’m not ashamed of it. Any more than I’m ashamed of my autistic joy. This is me. It’s why being targeted first isn’t just political. It’s, uh... it’s personal, real personal. It’s a lifetime of being told, I’m the problem. We’re the problem. You’re the problem. And then watching them try to starve us... for political points.I call this... “I Wasn’t Born under a Star named Rage.” I think you get where... you see where I’m headed.I drempt I was on a journey And Charles Bukowski was my guide Like Virgil, Dante… but in a hurry A modern pace for a modern time... fuck that noize I had a screaming nightmare last night and it was you yeah it was a hellscape being around you watching my step around you holding my tongue around you Cringing around you being… me around you I wasn’t born under a star named Rage. No. You raised me You schooled me You mocked me You groped me… so many yous You trained me You therapped me You medicated me I blame you Right or wrong In my blinding, Stroke-at-age-30, repressed… rage I blame you.That’s it. There’ll be more. Maybe there’ll be a redeeming ending. Maybe not. That’s where I’m at. That’s the fuel.You don’t have to relate to every line. And of course, there’s nobody in this audience who’s a “you.” I think you know who “they” are. But if you’ve got rage too, you got my permission to express it. Because you’re not alone in it.Okay. I need to get off and go sleep for a few hours. It’s amazing how I work up for these things. And they can be... difficult for me. I’m so pleased you showed up. I’m so pleased you listen to me sometimes. I’ll talk to you soon.#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click to receive new posts and a free subscription. To support my work, consider choosing a paid subscription. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe
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    3 分
  • Like Some Angel with a Dislocated Shoulder: Song for My Autistic Son

    Like Some Angel with a Dislocated Shoulder: Song for My Autistic Son
    2025/11/17

    A father’s reflection on parental regret, missed connections, and what it means to forget the life you didn’t live. Raw spoken word + visual art. No hidden meanings. No inspiration. Just what it’s like

    👉More poetry: “Live Autistic Truth” playlist (link below)

    👉 Full collection: “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head” (link below)

    👉 Transcript: Link in comments

    Content note: Parental regret. Family estrangement. Unfiltered autistic experience.

    This piece explores the strange way autism and ADHD collapse time. How life-defining choices can feel as forgettable as a radio contest you meant to call. How parental regret sits next to everyday absurdity. How half flying and half falling can be the same motion.

    Not here to inspire you. Here to give you an experience of a life.

    CHAPTERS

    0:00 - Like some angel with a dislocated shoulder0:15 - Half flying, half falling from the day I was born 0:45 - To a silent piano score... a horror picture show1:05 - Don’t be a dick. Real talk.1:25 - That call-in contest you just knew you could win1:35 - Hell, like this song.

    —————

    MORE FROM THIS COLLECTION

    👉 Full chapbook: “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head: songs of autistic innocence...and experience”

    Amazon: hhttps://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_812RrZO_QWB-WHVZRBe-hjr37UNPxdb

    👉 “Live Autistic Truth” playlist (13 spoken word pieces - poetry + performance + visual art):https://www.amazon.com/every-clock-handgun-pointed-head-ebook/dp/B0FNLHC6SY

    👉 Read the transcript + subscribe for weekly pieces:

    ABOUT THIS WORK

    I’m a 72-year-old autistic poet, performer, and multimedia artist. Diagnosed late in life. Making work that gives you the actual experience of being autistic. Not explanations, not inspiration narratives. Raw, unfiltered, unapologetic.

    This piece explores three intertwining themes: parental regret, the autistic experience of time, and what it means to be seen.

    Plain language. No academic jargon. No hidden meanings. If you’re autistic, maybe you’ll see yourself. If you’re not, maybe you’ll understand us a little better.

    Born to raise hell. Autistic style.

    GIFT IDEA

    Looking for a meaningful gift for someone autistic in your life? This chapbook says “I see you” not “I want to fix you.” Available on Amazon + as Substack gift subscription.

    #SpokenWord #Poetry #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAcceptance #VisualPoetry #MultimediaArt #PerformancePoetry #NeurodivergentArt #AutisticVoices #ContemporaryPoetry



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe
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    2 分
  • Family is complex for me. Autistic + ADHD... but Shameless.

    Family is complex for me. Autistic + ADHD... but Shameless.
    2025/11/07

    A spoken word piece about family wounds, estrangement, and choosing to live unapologetically.

    From Elvis dying on Mount Marcy to stalking Death Valley stars—this is what shameless looks like when you stop trying to be the son they ordered.

    👉 Gift Season Special: “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head”

    https://a.co/d/3e0Uc7i

    Raw poetry & art exploring autistic innocence and experience. Perfect for:

    * Your autistic or ADHD someone (the gift of being seen)

    * That someone who isn’t... and wants to understand (the gift of connection)

    👉 Get the chapbook:

    https://a.co/d/3e0Uc7i

    👉 Full text & community: https://substack.com/@johnnyprofane1

    👉 Live Autistic Truth playlist:https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_812RrZO_QWB-WHVZRBe-hjr37UNPxdb

    Chapters:

    0:00 Family Is Complex for Me0:11 Living Life Perfectly Shameless0:45 Mount Marcy to Death Valley1:28 No Mask Hides the Pain

    Recorded live, November 2024. Minimal edits—this is what authentic sounds like.

    #ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #SpokenWord #FamilyDysfunction #AutisticPoetry #NeurodivergentVoices #AutisticAF

    ---

    AutisticAF Out Loud

    Not here to inspire you. Here to give you an experience of a life.

    Born to raise hell. Autistic style.

    Transcript

    Family is complex for me, Autistic Plus ADHD. So I call this one, Shameless.

    Live long enough Ya get a lot right, Get a lot wrong. Get to know Well enough Ya can’t be a saint Lurking in shadow… Living life perfectly Shameless. Shameless. Oh let me be Shameless… No sun sets On a painless life, So no moon shines On a stainless wife. Oh let me be… come Shameless. Scaling Mount Marcy That night as Elvis died, Got branded a Mountebank As my sister grew colder. Stalking Death Valley Same sister… now dead… to me Same stars… chill my shoulders Now living life perfectly Shameless… Shameless. Oh let me be Shameless… No peak caps An aimless life, And no grave ever filled By a blameless knife. Oh let me be… come Shameless… No mask hides The pain in life, So no words can Explain my fight. So, let me Be… come Shameless.

    I hate it, I love that one.

    This year, give the gift of being seen… to your autistic or ADHD someone.

    Or the gift of connection to someone…. who isn’t.



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe
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    2 分
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