『Autistic Spoken Word on this Moment...? “Slouching toward Montauk”』のカバーアート

Autistic Spoken Word on this Moment...? “Slouching toward Montauk”

Autistic Spoken Word on this Moment...? “Slouching toward Montauk”

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 This moment... this New Year... disturbs many. This piece shares a disturbing moment from my autistic youth—and how I survived it. It weirdly relates to right now.At 70-something, this is the happiest time of my autistic life. Not chasing distant goals—just breathing in this fabulous moment here.This piece inverts Yeats’ “Second Coming” to tell a personal story about my grandfather, sailing out to Montauk Point, and discovering that the anxiety of losing sight of shore gives way to something unexpected. A refuge from the Hell waiting for me back on the shore…Read the full transcript below, or explore more autistic spoken word in the links after the piece.Content Note: This piece addresses troubling family history and inherited complexity.TranscriptAutistic Spoken Word on this Moment? “Slouching toward Montauk”Cold openMy grandfather was a… complex man.He slept beside an orderly nightstand.Tucking Mein Kampf tightIn its tidy drawer every night.And…He used to take me sailing.{Silence}I call this one…Slouching Toward Montauk... Let’s say… I’m in my 70s now. Happiest time of my autistic life.Not too worried about some fabulous unachievable autistic Nirvana… These days…Now, here’s that story.My grandfather was a… complex man.He slept beside an orderly nightstand.Tucking Mein Kampf tightIn its tidy drawer every night.And…He used to take me sailing out to Montauk Point… a sea journey from Bay Shore, Long Island… at least as he sailed it on the ocean side… swinging out into the deep water…In his telling, it was a fabulous place.Where a sandstone lighthouse lit the waves, warning of danger.Where the grass on the golf course grew sideways.And every single damn tree bowed toward the West…From the eternal wind blowing onshore.His heaven on earth, he called it…...The wind carries all the sound away…But its roar in my earscreates a kind of hushed silenceinside me..I always experience high anxietyas we lose sight of the shore.Just sky, waves & constant rolling…Disoriented.Like a whiteout in a blizzard.If you throw in some seasickness.But after an hour or so, I make my way to the prow. And sit.Wind on my faceSun on my bodySalt breeze filling my chest…Quieting my heart.Anxiety? Disorientation?I observeThe fixed lighthouseIn the far off dusk.Splashing its light… bravelyInto the spray.Knowing deepIn its softNative sandstone heart…Time and tide wait for it....I stop caring about the shoreline. And the anxious Hell waiting for me on the other side. For hours at a time.....Who cares about sailing toward Montaukand its fabulous trees…anymore…Or... ever again?I’m busy breathing in…thisfabulous momenthereRuntime: ~3:50More autistic spoken word:* every clock is a handgun pointed at my head * Friends, Grief & Autism… My Friend Billy* Dancing Close to the Edge of the Noise* Family, School, Work? They created this... I wasn’t born under a star named Rage* My Autism? Failing Upward to Burn Out? A Shooting Star Has No Purpose* Like Some Angel with a Dislocated Shoulder… That Song I’ll Never Sing for My SonSubscribe free to receive new autistic spoken‑word & essays… and instantly get my “thank you” gift: a free PDF of my poetry & art chapbook, every clock is a handgun pointed at my head.Thanks for reading #AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter! The algorithm hates me. I must be doing something right… so feel free to share it.I’m an autistic poet and spoken word performer, diagnosed at 63. Now in my 70s. I’ve been publishing AutisticAF Out Loud since 2019… work that refuses to be packaged. My spoken word piece , every clock is a handgun pointed at my head, was published in Wordgathering, a journal of disability poetry & literature. In 2022, I spoke at the UN World Autism Acceptance Day about my illustration work rooted in autism & ADHD.I live in a rural Indiana trailer… across the courtyard from my wife’s trailer… with my 2 dogs & cat. Occasionally I shave… to face Walmart.The algorithms hate me. I must be doing something right.If this resonates, subscribe free below to receive new autistic spoken-word pieces & essays—plus my 'thank you' gift: a free PDF chapbook, every clock is a handgun pointed at my head.#SpokenWord #AutismAcceptance #AutisticPoetry #MindfulnessMore spoken word: Living Autistic Truth YouTube playlist#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts free, click the link below. To support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe
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