How do I build and maintain a boundaried relationship with narcissistic parents?

Or am I mad for even wanting to try?

This week, a listener asks: What happens when the parents who hurt you are finally trying — but still fall back into the same old patterns?

After years of being parentified, emotionally manipulated, and punished whenever she tried to assert her independence – this weeks listener went no contact and it gave her the space she needed to heal. She's learned to regulate herself, break old patterns, and show up differently in her own relationships and as a parent.

But now comes the hard part.

Her parents went to family therapy for 9 months – and the picture is mixed. She can now see the manipulation as it happens, rather than weeks later. There are signs of genuine effort, but the old patterns still emerge when they feel challenged or don't get what they want.

In this episode, Ruth and I explore the complexities of reconnecting after estrangement, how to distinguish genuine change from attempts to regain access, and what it means to maintain boundaries when someone is making an effort but still isn't able to fully take accountability.

We also explore neurodivergence, intergenerational trauma, parentification, and the difficult question at the heart of this letter: How do I build and maintain a boundaried relationship with narcissistic parents that includes my children?

Watch this episode on YouTube

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