In this deeply personal and culturally grounded episode, Anne Adhiambo takes us back to a Luo homestead in the early 1980s, when her father married wife number five — and the women of the family were expected to celebrate it.

Through the innocent eyes of a five-year-old girl, we witness a moment that was presented as joyful but was quietly soaked in emotional sacrifice. Women cooked, decorated, and competed to welcome their husband’s new bride in the name of “Konya Hero” — a phrase that literally means “help me love,” but in practice meant “I have no choice but to accept this.”

This episode unpacks what polygamy looked like inside Luo culture — not just as a tradition, but as a system that quietly trained women to suppress grief, compete for male approval, and call endurance “strength.” Anne reflects on how culture rewarded men for expansion while teaching women to make peace with emotional displacement.

Moving between memory, cultural analysis, and adult reflection, she explores:

The invisible trauma women carry in polygamous families;

How girls are socialised to admire male power before they understand female pain;

The cost of asking women to welcome what wounds them;

And how modern womanhood begins when we refuse to nurture what we cannot enjoy.

This is not an attack on culture — it is an honest conversation about how some traditions shaped women’s silence, endurance, and self-erasure.

If you have ever been told to “understand,” “accept,” or “be strong” while something in you was breaking, this episode is for you.

In this episode, we confront one of the most uncomfortable truths of emotional healing:

Peace does not come from getting closure — it comes from deciding you no longer need it.

“Choosing Peace On Your Own Terms” is not about pretending nothing hurt.

It is about refusing to keep bleeding just because someone else never apologised, never explained, or never changed.

So many people remain emotionally trapped because they are still waiting:

• waiting for an apology

• waiting for validation

• waiting for accountability

• waiting for someone to finally “see” what they did

But peace does not arrive when other people mature.

Peace arrives when you do.

In this episode, I talk about the invisible cost of unresolved emotional contracts — the expectations we place on people who may never be capable of meeting them. I unpack how holding onto “one day they will…” keeps you emotionally tied to people who have already moved on.

We also explore: • why forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation

• how silence can be a form of self-respect

• why some people don’t deserve continued access to your inner world

• how choosing peace is sometimes an act of emotional rebellion

This is especially for those who were gaslit, ignored, betrayed, or emotionally neglected — and then told to “just move on” without ever being heard.

Moving on does not mean what happened was okay.

It means you decided your future deserves more energy than your past.

This episode will help you:

• stop negotiating with people who have already shown you who they are

• break free from emotional loops

• redefine closure on your own terms

• choose peace without needing permission

If you are tired of replaying conversations that will never happen,if you are exhausted from waiting for apologies that will never come,this episode is for you.

Because peace is not something people give you.

It is something you claim.

And sometimes, claiming it means walking away — quietly, firmly, and without looking back.