A Chemo Drug Nearly Killed Me; Then My Doctor Told Me to Take It Again

Resiliency is not never getting hit; it is how fast you return to baseline.

One minute into an infusion, a chemo drug closed my airways without my consent; Matt hit the red button, the room filled with ten people, and IV Benadryl pulled me back. Thirty minutes later my oncologist sat down beside me, calm and direct, and told me the recommendation was to take that same drug again, the whole remaining dose, three more times. I stared out at the maples in that courtyard and met the person I had to become in that chair. This episode is what was running through my mind: Nietzsche's passive versus active nihilism, the weight you choose to carry up the mountain, and the flamethrower you take to the baggage that has no business coming with you.

Because the Standard was never just to better myself; it is to better those around me. That is the overman, and that is the work. I am nineteen months into remission now, and the lesson holds: feel the emotions fully, refuse to let them run you, and return to baseline. That is resiliency, and it is a skill you can build.

You have the same choice in your own chair; face the mountain, and climb.

Shared in my own words; not medical advice.

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