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Dr. Red Hoffman has spent her career sitting with people at the hardest moments of their lives. As a physician who combines trauma care and palliative medicine, she has built a practice around something most of us spend our whole lives avoiding: death. But what makes Red's perspective so singular is that she isn't just a professional witness to loss. She has lived it, repeatedly and violently. Her grandparents died in a car accident when she was 12. Her father was killed in a terrorist attack in Egypt when she was 19. Her partner sustained a traumatic brain injury and later died by suicide when she was 49. This is a woman who knows grief from the inside out, and she has chosen to meet it with love rather than distance.

In this conversation, we talk about what it actually means to have a good death, and what it means for the people left behind. Red explains why violent deaths carry a unique burden — not just the loss itself, but the law enforcement, the media, the legal system, all the unknown layers that pile on top of an already impossible experience. She shares what to say to someone who is grieving when you don't know what to say, and why the most important thing is not to assign meaning to someone else's loss. That work belongs to the bereaved.

We also get into what it looks like to build a life on your own terms inside a system that wasn't designed for you. Red talks about navigating a corporate hospital buyout, watching her community get hit by Hurricane Helene, and finding genuine love for a corporation she once might have resisted. She talks about long COVID, what it is like to go from healthy to chronically ill, and how she has learned to ask for what she needs inside a system that makes that incredibly hard.

And we talk about twriting the book she wishes she had when her father was killed: a guide to surviving violent death for the people left behind.

Red carries a lot of loss and a lot of love, and somehow in her hands those two things are not opposites. I think you are going to feel that.

Learn more about Dr. Red Hoffman here.

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