John looks back at the spiritual wreckage the ex-gay movement leaves behind - and the lives it destroys.

Publicly, he’s its polished poster boy. But behind the public halo, he’s drowning.

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Atonement: The John Paulk Story is a production of iHeart Podcasts and Goldhawk Productions in association with Marks Media Co.

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If you’ve been affected by any of the issues covered in this series, you can find help and support at the following links:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress. Call or text 988 or chat online.

Crisis Text Line

If you are in crisis, text CONVO to 741741 in the US for free, confidential, 24/7, support.

The Trevor Project

The leading suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ young people. If you or someone you know needs help or support, The Trevor Project’s trained crisis counselors are available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386, via the website or by texting START to 678678.

RAINN

RAINN - the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network - provide free, confidential, 24/7 help. Call 1-800-656-4673 or the website to chat with a support specialist.

If you’re in the UK, please find a range of helplines and support networks here.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.