In this episode, Cindy Esliger explores why fawning in the workplace impacts your career. Fawning is that automatic “yes” that shows up before there’s even time to think. She explains how fawning is not just people pleasing, but a nervous system response that activates when fight, flight, or freeze aren’t adequate options. In professional environments, this often looks like overcommitting and constantly scanning for how everyone around us might be feeling. While it can feel like being a good team player, Cindy highlights that fawning is actually rooted in a need to feel safe and how external validation becomes addictive.

Cindy breaks down how fawning shows up day to day, from softening every message with apologies to avoiding conflict, and even shape-shifting to match other people’s expectations. She points out that this pulls attention away from internal understanding, leaving no room to access personal opinions or instincts. Over time, this leads to taking on disproportionate emotional labor and low-visibility work while others focus on projects that lead to advancement. Cindy details rooted in a need to feel safe and that external validation can become, or not others are mad at us, 3. We don’t share technical opinions or expertise out of fear of being disliked, and 4. We take on a disproportionate amount of administrative and emotional work that doesn’t lead to advancement.

The long-term impact is significant. Fawning erodes credibility, contributes to burnout and resentment, and can stall career growth despite strong performance. More deeply, Cindy explains, it disconnects us from our own sense of self and reinforces the belief that validation comes from others. She reframes this pattern as an adaptive response rather than a flaw, and encourages building internal validation and the capacity to tolerate discomfort. The goal isn’t to stop being collaborative, but to recognize when our responses are driven by fear instead of choice, so we can show up with more agency.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Recognizing Your Fawn Response
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

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