18. Why You Keep Having the Same Fight (Part 2): The Fix
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概要
What if the real reason you keep having the same fight isn’t the topic… but the role you automatically slip into?
In part two of this conversation, Brent and I unpack the exact pattern that kept our conflict on repeat—pressure vs. people-pleasing—and the two skills that finally helped us change it: curiosity and courage. We talk about Terry Real’s idea of practicing the opposite of your default conflict behavior, and why “seeking to understand” only works when it isn’t a sneaky way to win.
You’ll hear the framework that shifted everything for us (the blind men and the elephant), plus a real-life example we’re still practicing: how we navigate a parenting decision we can’t just agree to disagree on (how many school days our kids miss for travel).
If you’re tired of circular arguments, this episode will help you:
- spot your “default” conflict move (and what it costs you)
- stay anchored in your perspective without shutting down your partner
- ask questions that build connection instead of ammunition
- move from compromise to collaboration—especially in parenting calls
Want support applying this to your relationship? We have a few spots open for our upcoming retreat, and you can also schedule a complimentary 1:1 with Brent and me.