Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People
The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern
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Nina W. Brown
In Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People, Brown explains why many people, who may not display all of the characteristics necessary for a formal, full-blown narcissist diagnosis, still display what she calls a destructive narcissistic pattern that results in much the same anguish for those with whom the individual interacts. Thankfully, she also provides specific methods that will help victims of this behavior deal with the narcissistic colleague, supervisor or boss, parent, or intimate other.
Only the extremely lucky among us have never faced or felt the effects of narcissistic behaviors and attitudes, displayed by colleagues, bosses, friends, parents, or lovers. These individuals may boast and brag constantly, take credit for other people's work, expect favors but return few or none, never listen (but always know all the answers), be sure of what is right and best regardless of the topic. They devalue others, micromanage, are hypercritical and mistrustful. Other characteristics of this harmful personality include an inflated sense of importance, although achievements are exaggerated and actual outcomes don't support feelings of superiority. They are exploitative, without empathy, and believe they are envied by all. Brown's excellent advice will help you cope.
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Writing in a clear, accessible style, the author focuses on how to alleviate the intense feelings and stress that often accompany dealing with such difficult people. This book could also be a resource for those working with alcoholics and others engaging in self-centered patterns of destructive behavior. This is a book for practitioners, mediators, marriage and family therapists, and those in training for those professions; it is not for laypersons. Highly recommended. Graduate students and professionals.
No doubt you have worked for one of them, been taught by one of them, or married one of them. They brag, take credit for the work of others, expect favors but give none, never listen, and know what is right and best, regardless of the topic. Take heart. Brown has a name for these people and she assures us they and not we are the problem. Far from urging those who must endure those with destructive narcissistic behaviors and attitudes to get over it, get behind it, or just take it, she carefully describes the specific behaviors you can diffuse by recognizing them and moderating the impact on yourself, including blocking identification, understanding your own cognitive distortion, using emotional insulation and refusing to empathize.
[N]ina Brown, is clearly the authority on the DNP. Thus, if you have to interact regularly with someone you suspect may exhibit DNP, then this is without a doubt the book you should read for help.
Narcissistic behaviors displayed by those in power, friends and lovers affect everyone and are prevalent throughout society, which is why Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People is so important and explains a destructive mental pattern which takes hold and affects many. Methods to help victims of this behavior are provided and come from a scholar/professor in Educational Leadership and Counseling, covering everything from indifference to others and emotional intimacy challenges to projection, protection and conquering loneliness. An outstanding guide surveys both victims and survivors as well as the narcissistic personality, this book is a pick for not only college-level holdings strong in psychology and sociology, but for general-interest library collections.
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