Blind Pilots on a Plane

Captain Ron has a secret. After losing his sight to a certain sex-enhancing drug, he should have retired. Instead, he’s still flying, relying on memorized controls, his technical savvy, and the assumption that his co-pilot can see.

First Officer Jack Ripper has the exact same secret. And the same prescription for generic Canadian Flyagra.

Now, due to a scheduling error only a tragically negligent airline like Sweet West could commit, these two denial-ridden, sight-impaired professionals are paired together in the cockpit of Flight 345, bound for Los Angeles.

Before takeoff, the cabin is already chaos: a yellow python escapes into the ceiling, the flight attendants spike their orange juice, and the Grim Reaper is hovering nearby, desperately trying to meet his death quota.

As the plane careens down the runway (guided by the rhythmic sound of a flute and a dog named Excalibur playing tug-of-war with the yoke), they veer off course, attract the attention of scrambling F-16s, and accidentally signal a hijack.

Can two pilots who can't see the instruments—or the looming mountains—possibly navigate a plane full of panicked passengers, a furious lawyer, and a highly motivated Grim Reaper? Or will the luck of the blind finally run out 30,000 feet over Nashville?

Buckle up. The pilots are blind, the crew is drunk, and this flight is going to be ballistic.