What happens when you finally stop replaying the story of what was done to you — and start asking what it's here to teach you?

In Episode 11 of The United States of Us, Tammy and Lori have one of their most honest conversations yet. It starts with a post called "The Victimhood Loop" and turns into something neither of them planned: a live, unscripted, and emotional exchange about a real moment when Lori felt "not chosen" — and how she moved through it instead of staying stuck in it.

Together they unpack why healing is a responsibility (not a fault), what forgiveness really means, and how the emotions we refuse to feel end up living in the body. Raw, tender, funny, and deeply human.

In this episode:

• The "victimhood loop" and how identity fuses with a wound
• Why what happened to you is not your fault, but healing from it is your responsibility
• Forgiveness that frees YOU — not the person who hurt you
• Lori's real, never-before-shared story about feeling left out before Tammy's move to Spain
• Perfectionism, unworthiness, and "earning" love
• How children process emotion — and what we unlearn as adults
• Feeling it to heal it: crying, screaming into a pillow, dancing, movement
• "The Body Keeps the Score" and how buried emotion becomes physical
• Giving yourself (and others) permission to be vulnerable

Mentioned in this episode:

• "The Victimhood Loop" — a post by Katherine Keeler
• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Timestamps:

(00:00) Catching up & checking in

(02:00) Reading "The Victimhood Loop"

(06:00) Not your fault, but your responsibility

(10:00) Lori's story: feeling "not chosen"

(18:00) Taking your power back

(22:00) Perfectionism, unworthiness & earning love

(30:00) How children feel emotion — and what we unlearn

(36:00) Feeling it to heal it: tears, screaming, movement

(48:00) The body keeps the score

(58:00) Permission to be who you are — closing thoughts

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