How to Stop People-Pleasing: Boundaries, Codependency, and Internal Safety with Barb Nangle

On the Self Authority Podcast, host Elaine Belsen talks with boundaries coach and Fragmented to Whole podcast host Barb Nangle about why many women struggle to say no and prioritize their needs without guilt.

Barb shares how inviting a homeless parishioner into her home in 2015 led her to confront lifelong codependency, people-pleasing, and self-abandonment, and how 12-step recovery programs (Al-Anon, CoDA, ACA, and OA) helped her reparent herself, lose over 100 pounds, and build healthy boundaries.

They discuss women’s socialization under patriarchy, approval-seeking disguised as kindness, external versus internal boundaries, creating internal safety through nervous system support, ending gossip and victim mentality, and how changing personal dynamics can ripple into workplaces and culture.

00:00 Why Women Feel Guilty

01:39 Barb Meets Dan

03:22 Discovering Al Anon

05:45 Finding ACA Reparenting

08:47 From Recovery to Boundaries

12:36 Codependent Bottom Moment

16:35 Why Women Struggle

18:44 Approval Seeking Trap

23:10 Internal Safety Boundaries

28:26 When Helpers Feel Guilty

31:51 Gossip Indirect Communication

33:15 Gossip Culture Wakeup

34:02 Quitting Gossip in Recovery

36:01 Taking Ownership at Work

39:16 Resentment as Boundary Signal

41:29 Tools for Self Trust

44:52 Info Not Ammo Mindset

46:14 Reasonable vs Unrealistic Expectations

50:08 Discomfort Growth vs Dysfunction

53:23 Support Systems and Reciprocity

57:53 Changing Culture Through Self Authority

01:01:30 Internal Safety Takeaway

01:03:01 Closing and Listener Outro

At 52, Barb Nangle’s life transformed through 12-step recovery, after decades of therapy merely skimmed the surface. Addressing codependence unlocked healing from intergenerational trauma, childhood wounds, and compulsive overeating. Learning to build healthy boundaries revolutionized her relationships, impacting her professional life at Yale. Formerly masking her struggles with substance use and overeating, she shed over 100 pounds and confronted her deep-seated negativity and fear. Driven by a desire for growth and social justice, Barb now empowers professional women to break patterns of self-neglect. Through boundary coaching, speaking, and her podcast, "Fragmented to Whole," she guides women to build internal safety, reclaim their power and say no to what no longer serves them, fostering a world where inner change drives societal impact.

New internal safety course: "Boundaries That Hold: How to Stop Overriding Yourself in Real Time

Free 30 minute "Say No without Guilt" call: http://barbchat.net/

podcast: https://higherpowercc.com/podcast

https://higherpowercc.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/barb-nangle

https://www.youtube.com/@higherpowercoaching

What's Draining Your Boundaries Quiz: https://higherpowercc.com/drain/

Connect with Elaine!

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/elainebelsonlcsw

Free Discovery Call: https://zcal.co/esbelsonlcswc/15min

Website: https://www.TheSelfAuthorityCoach.com