Most people treat resentment like something to push away or white-knuckle through. But before you can release it, you need to know what you're actually holding — because not all resentment is the same, and the way you work with each type is completely different.

In this episode, we break down six distinct types of resentment, why one of them is actually a loving emotion, why chronic resentment has nothing to do with time, and what the path toward healing actually looks like.

What we cover:

• Why resentment is the perception of being treated unfairly — and why that word matters more than you think
• The CBT triangle: how your beliefs and perspectives create your feelings, not just the events themselves
• Six types of resentment: deflected, relational, protective, displaced, inherited, and self-resentment turned outward
• Why protective resentment blocks genuine repair — even when the other person is actually changing
• How implicit memory and the nervous system keep old wounds alive in present-day relationships
• A three-part framework for what to actually do with resentment once you've identified which type you're holding

TIMESTAMPS:

• 00:00 — Why releasing resentment without understanding it doesn't work
• 01:15 — What resentment actually is: perception, not reality
• 02:25 — CBT and the triangle: how perspectives create feelings
• 03:20 — The example: I resent my spouse because they don't care about me
• 05:00 — Resentment vs. anger: why resentment is waiting for something
• 05:39 — Intro to the six types
• 06:03 — Type 1: Deflected resentment
• 09:44 — Type 2: Relational resentment
• 12:14 — Type 3: Protective resentment
• 14:45 — Type 4: Displaced resentment
• 18:00 — Type 5: Inherited resentment
• 20:00 — Type 6: Self-resentment turned outward
• 22:40 — The disempowerment cycle and how to get your power back
• 23:57 — Why chronic resentment has nothing to do with time
• 24:40 — Implicit memory and the nervous system
• 27:27 — The cognitive bias underneath resentment
• 30:33 — What to do: identify the type, find the belief, understand beliefs are workable
• 35:04 — The Practice

ORDER MY BOOK: Why We Fight is my new book published by HarperOne. The book is a roadmap for understanding the core wound driving your conflict patterns, and how to change them. Available wherever books are sold. 👉 kimpolinder.com/book

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