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Welcome to the cavern of grumpiness, the source of the bitterness river, where the burning waters never stop whining. That would also be the studio of Greg Proops. Here, not only Teri Garr and Rob Lowe, but additionally, poorly cast movie stars are considered in Greg's review of how the Oscars should be re-vamped. He also touches on the loosening of pot laws in Switzerland, Darwinism as applied to high-risk sportsters, and Timothy McVeigh as martyr to other extremists.

This special edition of Audible Proops has no jokes, but Greg Proops says you should listen anyway. It was recorded September 13, 2001.

The Year "Never." In this installment, Greg riffs on American Beauty (13 top reasons why the movie "sucks"), doing comedy for the overpriviledged and jaded, Germany's 1932 election, and various and sundry rants on women, abortion, and RU-486.

For Adults Only: Explicit language. Must be 18 years of age to purchase.

Hello gremlins! Proops has a lot on his mind in this episode, including the death of that frisky Pope as well as Terry Schiavo. By the way, Proops notes, the Bush family have a "do not resuscitate" clause in their living will. Plus, contradictions and heavy symbolism abound during Laura Bush's visit to Afghanistan, and CEOs get paid even more when their companies perform badly.

Hey there wild mustangs! Sure, Michael Jackson impersonators have new-found employment re-enacting courtroom scenes on TV and Southern California hasn�t been this rained-upon in 100 years, but fear not the apocalypse! Proops tells us why we will all live to die another day. Also, we are treated to an unreleased transcript of Koko the Famous Talking Pervert Ape�s sexually-harassing exchange with a research assistant.

Hey there, ocelots of the winter tide! Be proud and brave, like a crazed eagle on methamphetamine, as you are entering an All Spin Zone. Journalism? More like stenography, if you ask Proops. "CBS: Bringing you the best in stenography. Whatever the government says, you can be sure we'll copy it down word for word. Go back to sleep."

Hello, fellow consumers. In light of the recent brawling ballers debacle, Proops tells us why basketball is the one American sport that is consistently violent enough to actually be entertaining. Then, conservative Ann Coultier makes a great moral measuring stick: if she is against an issue, then that issue must be inherently right and true. Proops also reminds us that conservative talk show hosts can never truthfully invoke the opinion of "the people", since they don't actually know any.

Hello Romans, welcome to AudibleProops where the Empire is on fire and the Emperor is yelling "liberal". In this dizzying journey behind the news and the lies that make up the news, Proops promises to inform, insult and then cry alone in his room. He's dropping the bomb on the chariot races and, by Zeus, we're off to the races. Proops is eager to read Mrs. Lynne Cheney's post-third-debate-comments verbatim about what a bad, bad man John Kerry is for outing her openly gay daughter.

Hello, Laughter Lovers, it's your bi-weekly dispatch of AudibleProops. Greg Proops seeks to disturb, destroy, and demonize, and that's even before this week's election results were in. We start in the lip-syncing land of Ashley Simpson who ranks at the bottom of the teen-pop dynasty, right behind Britney, Christina, and even sister Jessica. Then, it's Jon Stewart calling Tucker Carlson out on Crossfire and the Proops recommended diet for Ann Coulter.

Hello, rascals! This week, Proops takes a brief respite from riding the blue-black equine of the Apocalypse to finds some solace...in South Asian civil wars getting rained out by a tsunami. However, talk quickly turns back to blame, retribution, and possible hilarity, as Bush stays on vacation for three days before even acknowledging the tsunami disaster, supposedly doing what Jesus would do in a similar situation: hang, play some foosball, crack open a few sodas.

Hello, pesky liberals! Festive swearing and baroque insults abound as the White House hands out Medals of Freedom to everyone performing violent rear-end assault on the Constitution. Also, we find out that the secular Jews who run Hollywood love anal sex, not Jesus biopics, and that Jessica Simpson's dad is hyper-aware of his daughter's cup size. Then, conservatives lay it out straight: you either love children, or you love abortion. What's it gonna be?

Hello, fellow Americans. Surrounded by the stench that was the 2004 election, Proops is reminded of a Stalinist maxim: Those who vote decide nothing, and those who count the votes decide everything. Where real America is positive and real positive people care about moral values, Proops says we are back to the days of bared breasts and more. While Tara Reid and Paris Hilton were flashing the press at P. Diddy's b-day bash, in Fallujah Rummy's taking one last stand at victory.

Hello, Love Children. This week, Proops is reporting live (on tape!) from Saskatchewan (a.k.a. "Foxskatchewan") where the glorious Canadian landscape offers plenty of space for Proops to consider exactly what's wrong with the U.S. From L.A. drivers to ever more ridiculous smoking bans to Florida hockey teams making off with the Stanley cup, Proops has a nice warm cup of vitriol waiting just for you.

Hello, Party People. Greg Proops is back in the good-ol'-boy U.S.A. and the jokes are served up fresh and funny. Very funny. So pull up your Barka lounger and settle in while Uncle Proops presents his 10 point plan for "Nothing to Fear". He's also weighing in on the likes of self-aggrandizing-blowhard-but-effective Michael Moore, and the richest con man this side of the Tigris, Ahmed Chalabi. In fact, when it comes to Chalabi,

Hello, piglets of the new millennium! Proops starts this episode off with a mournful piece about Brad and Jen's breakup. Why can't two moderately talented, fairly attractive, reasonably wealthy people stay together? Proops knows, and he's telling. Also, Prince Harry's recent Nazi dress up incident may put him high among the ranks of idiotic rich people.

Hello Audibillions, welcome to the Proops Ranch - the last stop for cappuccino before the vast arid wasteland known as Dubya Country. Proops doesn't flip-flop and he's here to provide refuge for timed, depressed democrats with one little thought: polls don't vote. Proops then ponders how the Republicans came to own 9/11 and suggests that 30 years from now, when Vice President Jenna Bush is calling candidate Chelsea Clinton a bi'otch, we are all going to know about Judgment Day.

Proops People! Greg Proops is back, and he's still dropping the bomb on everything that's on. It's his bi-weekly satirical supplement that makes you question your own judgment. Greg just got back from "old Europe" where he was shamelessly exposed to naked women's breasts but somehow has managed to stay sane. On the counter terrorism tip, he wonders why you can load up on guns, bombs, and fresh fruit on private planes. And much, much more

Hello my little quibblers. This week, Proops invites you to listen real close and then disregard every f***** thing you hear. In the news, Enron flexes its lobbying muscles in times of peace and stability to help some rich and powerful friends; Proops goes over some nicknames that world leaders give each other; and Supreme Court appointee John Roberts is white and nice.

Hey party prawns! This week Proops has got nuthin' but time to lambaste everyone from Rick Santorum to his beloved President G.W. Bush, who ended his recent vacation early to sign a mysterious law inspired by one mysterious person. Also, Congress dares to take on the ultra-divisive "steroids are bad" issue, Halliburton fibs again, and a pet-store owner sees the face and shoulders of Satan on the shell of a turtle named Lucky.

Hello's and most grave salutations, brothers and sisters. Proops gives a solemn first-hand account of being in London on July 7th, the day of the subway bombings. He also reminds us that similar tragedies happen in Iraq, Afghanistan, the Sudan, and other places around the world every single day. Plus, Proops takes on the Live 8 concert, the treasonously leaky Karl Rove, the violently heterosexual Tom Cruise, and more.