Creating purpose and meaning

So many men are just going through the motions, working a 9 to 5 job they hate, with no passion or purpose in life. This lack of purpose shows up inside every area of life.

The signs of lack of purpose are…

● Living a life you don’t want to live

● Feeling stuck inside of habits and routines

● Feeling like you are in a rut

● A gnawing sense of incompleteness and or missing something 

● Seeking to escape life through addictions and sedatives

● Not feeling any feeling of contentment and satisfaction

● You are looking to a future day for everything to change

10. Judgements and opinions

Our own personal judgements are what causes us pain. The Stoic philosophy has a corner on this market of really dismantling these stories and getting established inside of wisdom. We walk you through how to do this, both for yourself and others.

Examples of assumptions are…

1. You don't get the promotion at work, so you assume the boss is out to get you. 2. You assume most people are bad at heart, so don't trust anyone you meet. 3. Your partner isn't very talkative lately, so you assume they are angry with you.

4. Someone does something that hurts you, and you begin to assume why they did it.

These judgements look like…

● Assuming to know why

● Thinking we know the motives of another

● Trying to fill in the blanks with incomplete information

● Jumping to conclusions that are a stretch

● Believing from a one-sided perspective

● Hide behind their version of the story

11. Expressing emotions

Because of the stigma, men have a hard time saying how they feel. They tend to hold it in and then blow up. We have to stop holding on to pain like a ticking time bomb.

Suppression is all about pretending that you are not …

● Angry

● Sad

● Frustrated

● Disappointed

● Discouraged

● Out of control

● Fearful

Denying these things doesn't make them disappear.

12. Responsibility

We must come out of the realm of victimhood and begin to accept responsibility as the creator of our own lives.

Signs of lack of responsibility...

● Excuses for everything

● It's everyone else's fault - Consistent blaming of others or circumstances 

● Complaining about the condition of your life

● Broke all the time

● Procrastination

● Living for pleasure

● Feeling the need to be rescued

● Feeling powerless or a lack of control

● Feel like the world is out to get you

● Love the sympathy you receive from others

13. Relationships

Men have problems with relationships. It breaks down to an intimacy problem, a communication problem, and an overall becoming one problem. Men sometimes see their relationship with their significant other as separate, when it should be as one. Signs of relationship issues…

● Unforgiveness & resentment is growing

● Sex is few and far between

● Conversations are very surface level and they never go deep

● Uninterested in each other's life

● Keep distracted through excessive entertainment

● Start losing their cool often

● Being excessively nitpicky and starting to pick at each other through sarcasm 

● Not willing to cocreate any solution to fix any problems

● Stay at the bar or work to avoid being home

Passive-aggressive

A lot of men like to play Mr. Nice Guy and go with the flow to their own detriment. They’ve lost their sense of assertiveness and settled into people-pleasing. This kind of behavior causes a lot of resentment that often gets buried.

Some signs of passive aggressiveness…

● Unwillingly to communicate how they feel

● Denying they are angry or frustrated

● Take stabs at people through comedy

● Use criticism to deal with problems

● Do the silent treatment

● Withdraw to gain pity

● Being outwardly compliant but inwardly resistant

● They say they are on broad but are secretly sabotaging the plans 6. Mental health and emotional stability

The facts are that men are more likely to commit suicide. There’s a real mental health stigma when it comes to men coming forward for help.

● 70% of all suicides are men

● Men die by suicide 3.63 times more often than women

● Men are almost two times more likely to binge-drink than women 

● Men are more likely to use (and die from) illegal drugs

● Men are less likely to access psychological therapies than women

● 73% of adults who ‘go missing’ are men

● 87% of rough sleepers are men

● Men make up 95% of the prison population

● Men commit 86% of violent crimes

● Boys are performing less well than girls at all levels of education

● 34% of men would be embarrassed or ashamed to take time off work for mental health

7. Maintaining balance

The reality is that men gravitate towards things they are good at, and in turn tend to neglect the areas we’re not good at. If men are good at business and making money, they will spend most of their time doing that. If they are not good at relationships and communication, they will spend very little time inside those situations.

Life is a holistic thing and all the areas of our life need to be built up at the same time. What good is it to be awesome at business but have a marriage that’s falling apart? Maintaining balance is key to any holistic growth and development. We will teach you how to help bring men into balance inside their lives.

Signs of being out of balance…

● Focusing on strengths only

● Neglecting your weak areas of life

● Focusing on one area of your life to the detriment of the others

● Excessive time at the office

● Excessive time at the gym

● Excessive time having fun

● Excessive time at church, in books etc.

8. Lacking identity

A lot of men don’t know who they are apart from what they do. Their mindset and identity is too attached to the roles that they play. We must all establish ourselves in a true, unshakable identity, this comes through discovering who you really are.

Signs of lacking a sense of identity…

● Changing to the environment you are in

● Allowing your relationships to decide who you are

● Allowing your beliefs to be swayed back and forth

● Excessive attachment to your roles in life

● Excess attachment to your career and position

● You can say who you are without saying what you do

● Repeatedly divested by external events that are beyond your control

The man in the mirror, self-sabotage

Most of the pain that men are experiencing comes from self sabotaging and limiting beliefs. In this sense, we are our own worst enemy, and the real fight is getting ourselves to come into alignment with our higher nature.

Men can often think that their biggest challenges are outside them, but in reality the struggle is within. Once we begin to win the fight internally, it begins to manifest externality. We become what we believe ourselves to be. We can hardly ever rise above our own self-perceptions.

Signs of self-sabotage

● They have been dealing with the same problems repeatedly, year after year.

● Whenever they begin to rise in life, they quickly return to the state and condition they once were.

● They beat themselves up over past mistakes.

● They fail to encourage themselves to take the necessary actions for success. 

● They create an environment that sets them up for failure.

● Create too big of goals, and never focus on daily action steps.

● They have a shame-based identity that keeps them from raising. 

4. Morality, integrity, and honesty

These three things are the formation of our character. Men are facing an issue with alignment inside them. Alignment is when what we believe, say and do all line up.

As a Stoic life coach, we need to help them develop virtue, core values, and belief systems that will help them be successful inside of life. We will train you how to do that.

How character issues cause men to fail…

● Inside a marriage due to infidelity.

● Inside business due to shady practices.

● Not keeping your word with your children.

● Lust for more and are never satisfied

● Stepping on everyone to get to the top

● Trying to prove they are an Alpha male by being aggressive

● Being jealous and insecure about what others have

● Living in vanity and trying to get external validation to feel adequate 

● Using their anxiety and fear as an excuse for their reactions