Welcome to The Paradox of Change - your couples therapy and relationship advice channel hosted by three experienced therapists. We believe there has to be an I before We.

Struggling with trust issues, affair recovery, sexual rejection, or intimacy problems? Whether you're dealing with a sexless marriage, low libido, or rejection sensitivity - we help you build a stronger relationship with yourself first, so you can create healthier connections with others.

What You'll Get:
- Expert couples therapy insights from practicing therapists
- Self improvement strategies for personal growth and emotional intelligence
- Real talk about boundaries, attachment styles, and relationship problems
- Practical psychology tools for intimacy issues and emotional intimacy
- Honest discussions about sexual intimacy and healing

In this interview, you’ll learn:
How to Stop Trying to “Fix” Your Partner
How to Recognize the Real Issue Beneath the Argument
How to Make Conflict a Source of Connection
How to Move from Blame to Responsibility
How to Stay Grounded When Your Values Clash
How to Build a Relationship That Grows with You

Hosted by Lottie Parker (Sex & Intimacy Specialist), Elliot Burgess, and Clair Law - therapists who understand that healing starts within.

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Lottie Passell-Syms and Natalie Wanner explore the complexities of OPEN relationships, communication, and intimacy. They discuss the impact of past trauma on current relationships, the dynamics of low desire, and the importance of accountability and radical acceptance in navigating intimacy. You may like this episode https://youtu.be/AC08xbGuadU

The conversation emphasises the need for open dialogue about the intimate act and intimacy, the challenges of celibacy, and the significance of understanding one's own needs and desires within a relationship. They also touch on the evolving definitions of marriage and the necessity of intimacy for growth in any relationship. In this conversation, Lottie Passell-Syms and Natalie explore the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on open relationships, boundaries, communication, and the importance of maintaining individuality. They discuss the significance of the intimate actin sustaining connection, the impact of trauma, and the necessity of curiosity over blame in communication. The dialogue emphasizes the need for clear boundaries, the role of self-identity, and the importance of seeking intervention when necessary. Ultimately, they advocate for a relationship design that allows for personal growth and mutual support.

Takeaways
Open relationships can provide new perspectives on intimacy.
Miscommunication is a major barrier in relationships.
Understanding past trauma is crucial for healthy intimacy.
Low desire often stems from a lack of effort in relationships.
The intimate act should not be a taboo topic in relationships.
Radical acceptance can help individuals cope with celibacy.


Natalies Links
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@nataliewanner5196/videos
- Natalies Book: Crazy in the inside: https://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Inside-Memoir-Nobody-Special/dp/1701860201
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/reel/1425685391886010
- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/discover/natalie-wanner-openmarried
- IG: https://www.instagram.com/nataliewanner_/?hl=en

POC Links: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange

Chapters
00:00 Building a YouTube Presence
01:14 Natalie's Background and Open Marriage
05:16 Communication in Relationships
10:07 Desire and Effort in Relationships
14:46 Navigating intimate Health and Boundaries
19:43 Radical Acceptance and Personal Responsibility
23:52 Navigating Intimacy and Compassion in Relationships
25:50 The Importance of Liking Your Partner
27:52 Redefining Marriage: Compatibility vs. Alignment
30:19 Open Relationships: Contracts and Communication
32:20 The Role of Family in Marriage Dynamics
33:58 Boundaries and Transparency in Non-Monogamous Relationships
36:04 Creating a Relationship by Design
38:04 The Impact of COVID on Relationship Dynamics
40:11 Reigniting Passion and Intimacy
45:03 The Role of intimacy in Sustaining Connection
49:37 Rediscovering Individual Identity in Relationships
50:25 Questioning Life Choices
51:31 Community and Collective Growth
52:45 Self-Discovery and Personal Growth
54:48 Navigating Relationships and Support
57:08 Addressing Intimacy Issues
58:21 Communication and Trust in Relationships
01:00:38 The Impact of Comfort on Relationships

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Monogamy is a contract: friendship, intimacy and sex. When one stops, that contract gets broken. So what makes it acceptable to opt out of intimacy with your partner? In this raw and honest conversation, Elliot and Lottie Passell-Syms explore the grief, loss and identity crisis that follows when sex disappears from a relationship, and ask the difficult question: should you give him sex?

This episode delves into the complexities of desire, power dynamics and the real reasons couples stop connecting physically. We discuss why women often lose desire first, what men are actually asking for when they initiate sex, and how refusing intimacy can become a weapon that erodes the foundation of your relationship.

Drawing on insights from relationship experts including Esther Perel's work on attachment models and David Snarch's concepts of heart-syncing connection, we explore how our relationship patterns shift depending on who we're with, and why understanding these dynamics is crucial for maintaining intimacy.

What You'll Learn:

• Why communication is the foundation of intimacy, not just sex • The devastating impact of withholding sex for months or years • What men really want when they ask for sex (it's not what you think) • How vulnerability and emotional connection fuel physical intimacy • The role of power and control in sexual refusal • Why "just have a few drinks and have sex" advice destroys relationships • Practical exercises to rebuild intimacy, starting with the Yab Yum pose • How family of origin patterns shape your sexual dynamics • The biological and emotional benefits of regular intimacy.

Chapters:

00:00 Understanding Desire and Intimacy

03:13 The Impact of Withholding Sex

05:58 Men's Perspectives on Sex and Vulnerability

09:00 Communication as the Foundation of Intimacy

11:50 Negotiating Sexual Dynamics in Relationships

15:01 The Role of Power in Withholding Sex

17:52 Rebuilding Intimacy Through Connection

21:11 Practical Exercises for Couples: The Yab Yum Pose

23:59 The Complexity of Relationships and Personal Growth

About Our Guest:

Lottie Passell-Syms is a psychosexual and relationship therapist qualified in CBT and hypnotherapy. She specializes in relationship difficulties, stress, anxiety, intimacy and infidelity recovery, helping couples navigate the most challenging aspects of their partnerships.

Key Takeaways:

"Monogamy is a contract: friendship, intimacy and sex. When one stops, that contract gets broken."

"Choose your choices. You're not single. You chose this relationship."

"Sex is good for us: brain, body and soul. The oxytocin lasts for 14 days. Why are we wasting it?"

If you're in a relationship where intimacy has disappeared, this episode offers honest insights and practical tools to rebuild connection. The work requires effort, vulnerability and a willingness to hold up the mirror and ask yourself: why am I opting out, and how is it impacting my partner?

Related Episodes:

• Can I Be Me With You? Vulnerability in Relationships • The Relationship MOT: Holding Yourself Accountable • I Before We: Building a Relationship with Yourself First

Work With Us:

Interested in couples therapy or our PlayBook course for therapists?

For more relationship advice,

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📢 If you've experienced infidelity or are working through trust issues, let us know your thoughts in the comments! ⬇️

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